I know, I know, you came here yesterday looking for Cheapo Wino Wednesday. I’m so sorry. Here’s what happened:

Monday night, I accidentally opened a $30 bottle of wine. And by accidentally, I mean very much on purpose. It seems that our affordable wine supply has been depleted by moi so I was forced to drink the good stuff. Damn it all to hell!

But because I didn’t drink the whole bottle in one sitting (that’s right, I had self-control…and a margarita beforehand) I had to finish it Tuesday night. Had to.

Now, with my apologies out of the way, I shall mildly entertain you with a little “it scared the shit out of me” story. If you follow me on Facebook then you’ve already heard some of this (and I love you the most).

On Saturday, my mother hosted a yard sale and invited me to bring my own crap over to sell. When I arrived, she told me to look at her stuff and see if there was anything I wanted before the sale started. So I did.

Hmm, this looks familiar…???…this too…???…and this…and…heeey

Me– “Wait a minute! Aren’t these all gifts that I gave you?!”

Her- “No, not all of them.” *holds up a bowl*

You know what she’s getting from me this Christmas? Custom Thank You cards that say,

Dear Kim,

It’s the thought that counts

so you’re in luck

because the gifts you give

sure do suck!

Love, Mom and/or Dad (yeah Dad, I saw the unopened peanut dispenser)

Anyway, after the sale was over, I volunteered to collect the balloons and garage sale signs that my mother placed out earlier that morning. I then swung back to her house, dropped everything off, and headed home.

As I was driving and singing a Rhianna song, I heard a faint rustling sound to my right, but I was just hitting the chorus so I ignored it. The song ended and cut to a commercial…and then I heard the rustling again. I looked to my right, expecting to see, oh I don’t know…a chip bag? …some unsigned field trip forms? a squirrel cracking nuts? Really anything, except this…….

Holy shit! I almost went off the road.

I forgot that I had a balloon in the back of my SUV. And that damn thing made its way up to the passenger seat…with its head on the headrest! It felt like a stranger just popped in the car with me…and the most disturbing part, he was waaay too happy. Had he been frowning, I would have been all “Oh, hey there. Want to grab a drink and talk about it?”.

So I decided to spread the freakiness.

For the rest of the car ride home, I sat at every red light like this…

“Have a great day, fellow driver!”

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PS- after you click the banner it’ll seem like nothing happened but trust me, you voted! and I’ll love you a little bit more…but not more than my wine. sorry.