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Cheapo Wino Wednesday – A White Blend that pisses me off!

July 16, 2014 Written by One Classy Motha

I am in an uproar today, people! Mess with my kids? Ok, maybe they deserved it. But mess with my wine label? OH HELL to the NO!

I’m breaking out in hives as I type this.

First, let’s pretend this is a normal wine review. Then when I introduce the bullshit that’s happened, you can either raise your fist in anger with me OR pull my panties out of my ass, because they’re in a tight bunch, waaay up there!

 

Another Cheapo Wino Review! From One Classy Motha to another!

 

Apothic White Blend 2012 – $9.99

Winemaker’s Notes:  Apothic White is an approachable blend that combines Chardonnay, Riesling, and Moscato to create a luscious, vibrant wine in the bold style of Apothic. Intense flavors of peach, pineapple, honey and vanilla spice make this smooth white blend unforgettable.

 

Kim’s Notes: Warm, smooth, and…sweet. MY GOD, THAT SHIT IS SWEET!  One sip and my teeth turned into petrified cavities, threatening to crumble in my mouth like a sugar avalanche! I tried tasting it with pickles, mixing it with vinegar, swirling in some Lysol, you name it…no help. It was like someone melted a bag of cotton candy and poured it into a bottle for clown consumption. “MAKE IT STOP!”, I screamed!

But see, here’s the funny thing, I didn’t expect it to be that sweet. check out the label on my bottle:

winereview3Chardonnay, Pinot Grigio, Riesling. I’ve had each of these, never feeling like they were too sweet.  But then, when reading the winemaker’s notes, I noticed they mentioned Moscato. Moscato? As in, drink it until you risk becoming a diabetic, Moscato? “Wait, I must be reading the wrong review.”, I thought. So I continued to search the internet. But no. Here’s another label found on the back of  the same bottle of Apothic White 2012, Winemaker’s Blend:

APT 750 09 WnmkrsBl 0710

Look familiar? Word for word, except for Moscato!

1. Exactly, how are Moscato & Pinot Grigio interchangeable?

2. Why lie on some of the bottles?

and 3. How dare they!

After finishing my second glass (because it’d have to taste like piss for me to pour it out), I said, “Screw this!” and opened a bottle of my favorite cheapo wine, 2011 Carnivor Red Blend.

But then this tragedy unfolded:

winereview1

No, I’m not referring to my nail polish. Just look at that cork bleeding with oxygenated red wine!

“Oh thy wine, why hast thy ploteth against me?”

But I drank it anyway, and you know what?  It was STILL better than the Moscato shit that they tried to pass off as Pinot Grigio. Pinot Grigo should sue for slander.

I’m writing to Apothic tomorrow- you and I deserve an answer!

4 Comments Filed Under: cheapo wino review Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Cheapo Wino Wednesday! I’m back and I brought a friend! Muirwood Cabernet

May 21, 2014 Written by One Classy Motha
A couple of weeks ago I was scanning the internet for like-minded, cheapo wino reviewers, like myself, and I stumbled upon Andy from Wineguider.com. I liked him. I liked him a lot. Maybe because he also poo-pooed Abbeyville Cabernet, thereby reassuring me that I wasn’t a total clueless, wine-tasting asshole. You see, I require an incredible amount of validation and I’m partial to those that provide it.

 

Anyway, I thought it’d be fun to invite Andy to do a He Said/She said review…and he agreed!

 

The problem…I asked him to review the 2010 Muirwood Cabernet (because I liked their Chardonnay so much) but his Total Wine only had the 2011. I said, “Sure, let’s do the 2011.” So then, of course, my Total Wine only had the 2012. SONOFABITCH. As a result, today we are comparing the 2011 & 2012. Two reviews on one post, it’s your lucky day! I pray your day gets better.

 

Here we go!
muirwoodcan

2011 Muirwood Cabernet Sauvignon – $13.99

Wineguider says : The 2011 Muirwood cabernet from Total Wine is a nice contender for those who are fed up with overly-sweet, generic California cabs.

 
It has a slight “kick” to it, consisting of eucalyptus, cinnamon, and maybe even mint notes. It’s not too sweet or too viscous, but it does have a bit of vanilla to its aroma that carries forward to its taste. Of course, being a California cabernet, it has plenty of oaky tannins, but they are soft. More interesting is the cedar in there.

This cab is not really a crowd-pleaser, maybe because of its eucalyptus notes. But it goes beautifully with grilled ribeye, as we noted tonight, which is far more important. Food kicks it up a notch.

Watch out if you’re tasting Muirwood by itself – those unusual overtones can take on an almost medicinal character.

Bottom line: although it’s not for everyone, at $14, this red is:

Recommended.

 

Kim says: Holy shit, Wineguider, look at you, bumping my page up a professional notch! I guarantee most of my readers just double checked the URL.

Alright, so I went to Total Wine to find the Muirwood 2011 but they only had the 2012 (which I bought, because wine), so then I went to 3 other liquor stores until a helpful liquor clerk said “Lady, the only place in this state that you’ll find Muirwood is at Total Wine.” What? Why? Sounds like some Mafia shenanigans going on.
 
Anyway, now I’m reviewing the 2012. That’s ok- Wineguider, pretty much called the 2011 ‘a bottle of cough medicine when guzzled on an empty stomach’. Sounds like I dodged a bullet.

muirwoodcan

2012 Muirwood Cabernet Sauvignon – $12.99

 

I found this wine to be medium bodied and supple but not quite firm, much like the condition of my abs despite a bazillion planks and those god-awful stomach crunches that my kick-boxing instructor swore would get me into bikini shape by June. Well it’s the end of May, Gina, and the only thing “firm” about me is my conviction that you’re a LIAR! But I digress.

When it first touched my tongue, I found it to be a bit mellow, but as it cascaded down my throat I sensed some oaky notes and a slight tang…but not the kind of tang that pisses you off, more like the kind that says “Hey lady, you just wait, I’m going to be somebody someday!” So my suggestion to you is to buy it now and drink it when it grows up.

 

Seriously guys, I need to thank Andy for the kickass review! Make sure to check out his other reviews at www.wineguider.com

 

 

.

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2 Comments Filed Under: cheapo wino review, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Cheapo Wino Wednesday Review! A Spanish Blend

October 9, 2013 Written by One Classy Motha

Ludovicus Terra Alta 2011 – $12.99

 

Winemaker’s Notes: Ludovicus is a wine that appeals to both new world and old world palates. People who like Cab, Syrah, Malbec and Zinfandel love Ludovicus. Produced from dray-farmed grapes that are organically grown. The vineyards are located a few miles south and west of Priorat, within the Terra Alta DO (Zone 5) in Catalunya’s Tarragona province in northeastern Spain. In this remote region, the winemaking tradition dates back to the Romans, around the 2nd or 3rd Century. Aromas of blackberry, blueberry, smoky minerals and white pepper, plus a suggestion of dried rose. Silky on entry, then firmer in the middle, with flavors of red and black fruits and floral pastille. The floral quality repeats on the lively, subtly powerful finish.

 

Kim’s Notes:  “Ludovicus? More like Lu-delicious!”

 

So after loving last week’s wine, which I only selected because of this sign:

…I decided to take another trip down the exotic Spanish aisle.  And guess what I found?

The same damn sign! They just moved it from one Spanish wine to another- Son of a Bitch!

I said to myself, “Candy Ass (positive self-talk) can this be trusted?  Could there really be two killer Spanish wines, both with flavor out the wazoo?”  Then I answered myself by saying, “Think of it this way, Candy Ass (positive self-talk), they were right before. For only $12.99, you should probably try it. And P.S. Your hair smells great today.”

Can I just tell you, I’m super duper glad I gave it a shot- yummity yum yum yuuum!  Oaky, smooth, a bit of spice – my wazoo was thanking me all evening.  Honestly though, I didn’t expect a lot from this red blend mutt, what with 40% Garnacha, 20% Syrah, 15% Carinena, 15% Tempranillo, 10% Merlot, 5% Golden Retriever, and 2% Perspiration, I thought it’d be a hot mess. Not so.  

This wine pairs beautifully with an empty stomach, many food products, and all the moments leading up to bedtime. Go to your local Spanish wine aisle and buy this goodness today!

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I just found THE PERFECT teacher’s gift for Christmas!  I was over on my sponsor’s website, GiftsForYouNow.com (because it’s a shopping page and that’s kinda my thang), and they have a coffee mug that you can personalize with the teacher’s name and up to 30 students’ names for only $12.98! Check it out here.  I’m ordering it today (and being on top of my game for once).  

(Neighbors: If your kid is in class with mine and you order this, you’re dead to me.)

4 Comments Filed Under: cheapo wino review Tagged With: , , , , ,

Cheapo Wino Review Wednesday

February 27, 2013 Written by One Classy Motha

Cupcake Vineyards Red Velvet 2011 – $8.99-$10.99

a blend of Zinfandel, Merlot, Cabernet Sauvignon and Petite Sirah

Winemaker’s Tasting Notes: “Our first blended red wine for Cupcake Vineyards has over the top aromas of chocolate, deep rich blackberries, red fruits that follow through the palate to a creamy mocha finish that is unmistakable in its intensity and length, with a hint of coconut. It’s reminiscent of a blackberry chocolate cupcake with a mocha coulis.”

 

Kim’s Tasting Notes: “Nom, nom, nommy in my tum, tum, tummy, Beotches!”

 

When I posted my first Cheapo Wino review, I asked my readers for their favorite “cheap” wine recommendation.  An overwhelming amount of people (4) suggested that I try Cupcakes’s Red Velvet.  At first I thought, “eh…looks too cutesy. They were probably suckered by the pretty label.” But then I thought “Meh…it’s on sale for $8.99. I should give it a try.” because, my friends, I can’t pass up a bargain.  I could be lactose intolerant and I’d still buy a diary farm if it was priced well below market value.

So after retiring to my bed (this is where I do all my best tasting), I poured it while reciting my life’s motto “Keep your goals small and your expectations smaller” (a sure way to feel accomplished and rarely disappointed).  I swirled, I sniffed, I held it up to the light, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing but I looked like a damn professional…if you ignored my Mickey Mouse pj’s and the cookie crumbs on my lap. Then I tasted it.  This shit is good! And not like “good for $9” good.  Good like “I just scored a Michael Kohrs dress for $29” good!

It smelled oaky (mmm, you know momma loves her oaky), it was smooth (like my legs after I shave for the first time in months), and it had a nice balanced body (the kind I hope to have one day).  The winemaker’s notes are dead on. However, I detected hints of raisin which don’t even appear in the description.  It makes me think I’m doing this whole drinking thing wrong despite years of intense practice.  Whatever winemaker, whatever.

This bottle of wine pairs well with chicken, pork, PMS, depression, really anything.  And it’s ready to drink now. No really, drink it right away because I noticed it gets a little bitter if it sits for a while.  In fact, if you’re drinking alone, I recommend skipping the glass all together and guzzling straight from the bottle.  But don’t let anyone see you do this or the next event you’ll be invited to will be your own intervention.

My Cheapo Wino Rating, on a scale of 1-4 glasses:  Um…I’ll take the bottle please!

8 Comments Filed Under: cheapo wino review Tagged With: , , ,
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