پاکستان میں Mostbet com ویب سائٹ ملاحظہ کریں، اور آپ یقینی طور پر کھیلوں پر شرط لگانے یا آن لائن کیسینو میں کھیلنے کے لیے یہاں واپس آنا چاہیں گے۔ کھیلوں کے شائقین کو ایونٹس کے ایک بڑے انتخاب، مختلف پروموشنز اور بونسز، مفت بیٹس، مفت گھماؤ اور زیادہ مشکلات تک رسائی حاصل ہے۔ اور کھیل کو مزید آسان بنانے کے لیے، ہم نے ایک موبائل ایپلیکیشن تیار کی ہے جسے آپ آسانی سے اپنے فون پر انسٹال کر سکتے ہیں۔

Tips for Tuesday! Learn to run like a motha!

 

Learning to run? I got your kick ass tips right here!

I know what you’re thinking, “Candy Ass, I didn’t know you were a runner.” Well, I am…aaaand I’m sorta not. For those of you keeping score at home, I’m currently on my third attempt to become a runner.

But before you hit your back button with an “I’m outta here, you obviously don’t know what you’re talking about” attitude, let me ask you this: who do you think has more experience as a beginner, someone who’s quit and restarted several times or someone who tried it once and stuck with it? (hint: several is more than once)

Now for my tips:

There’s an App for That

I highly recommend downloading some sort of Couch to 5k app to help guide and track your progress. There are a ton of great ones out there, so selecting one is usually based on personal preference.

I’m currently using an app called Get Running. I like it for its straight forward title and the nice Australian lady who says nicey nice things like “Feel free to slow down”, “You’re almost done” & “Great job!” (even though I’ve almost always slowed down). I find Australian App people to be laid back and accepting. I hope to visit Appstralia one day.

 

Shake Your Booty

Create a great playlist, just make sure you choose songs that match your pace. For example, my playlist has a lot of Sarah McLachlan, Eric Clapton, Celine Dione, and Gerry & The Pacemakers – it’s basically a funeral procession mash-up.

 

Fake it Until You Make It

Buy several awesome running outfits, a sweatband, water hydration thingy,and $200 running shoes. You know what they say, “Dress like a profession, act like a professional.” I’m pretty sure my yoga pants with the holes in the crotch were holding me back all these years.

 

Find a Running Buddy

Running buddies, when used properly, can be a terrific source of motivation.

How to use your running buddy:

Step 1: Simply turn your running buddy around and instruct her to “Hold still, Lois, and stop your bitching!”

Step 2: Secure a bag of Oreos to her back using heavy duty duct tape.

Step 3: Give her a 20 second head start before running after her like a crazy bitch who wants “…MY GOD DAMN OREOS, LOIS!”

 

However, if steps 1-3 are a flop because your running buddy sucks and requires a little motivation of her own, simply attach this sign to her back:

Look at Lois go! In fact, the rowdier your kids are, the faster you’ll both move. Now that’s what I call a win-lose situation!

Now get out there and run your little heart out…and bring me back a pumpkin latte.

 
By the way, do you have any tips for me? Lord knows this delinquent runner could use them!
 
Psst…My real playlist, if you’re interested, is:

Cups, Viva la Vida, Titanium, Thrift Shop, Roar, Gone Gone Gone, Royals, Radioactive, Good Life, My Songs Knows What You Did, It’s Time, Set Fire to the Rain, Trouble. See, I wasn’t exaggerating about the slow pace.

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My sponsor GiftsForYouNow.com has like a BAZILLION gifts that you can personalize for Christmas (or any occasion). I bet they have a tree skirt for my wine glass.

Tips for Tuesday! Repurpose those children’s books!

So the other day I was gathering together a bunch of books that Ana no longer reads (we have waaaay too many) and I got to thinking, “Candy Ass (positive self-talk), there’s got to be another use for these books. You’re smart, resourceful, sexy, and humble, surely you can think of something.”

Not one to waste anything, except time and money, I found a solution…re-edit those books to tell completely new stories! You can do this by simply typing up new text, printing it out, and gluing the paper directly on top of the author’s original words. *selling these “new books” might result in a lawsuit. so don’t.

 

Think about the creative freedom! Now you can create stories to suit the needs of your family, using the warm and familiar characters they know and love. Here are just some of the topics you can cover:

 

Addressing manners…

 

Where our food comes from…

 

The importance of common sense…

 

Awkward and sensitive family situations…

 

 

 

But don’t limit yourself to repurposing books solely for the children. Even adults can find comfort in these characters. What a great way to help a friend through some of life’s tougher moments!

 

I’m off now to repurpose Snow White. It’s mostly the same, except when the heartbroken prince wakes her up with a kiss, she tells him that her mani/pedi was $150 and he says he doesn’t care because he’s just glad that she’s not dead anymore. I’m reading it to Brian tonight.

Do your find my tips helpful? Well, can you please click the banner anyway? Thanks!

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If you haven’t checked out her blog yet, you have to go over to my sponsor The Shitastrophy and read some of her shit! According to her most recent post, she needs to STFU!

Tips for Tuesday! Paci Addiction

Today’s post is about a very serious topic, paci addiction.  Last year, paci addiction claimed the sanity of over 50 billion mothers worldwide and, according to my nail salon lady, the numbers continue to rise. Science can put a Rover on Mars but they can’t solve this problem?  Who cares about putting a dog on Mars anyway? Ridiculous!

Lucky for us, we have the smart, funny, and cutie patootie Amanda from Questionable Choices in Parenting here to help us!

After reading about her brilliant scientific development, you have to head over to Questionable Choices in Parenting and read her stuff, it’ll have you laughing your ass off!  My favorite… The Professional Playground Inspector where she bitches about The Bridge of Death, The Tunnel of Terror, and The Drop of Doom. I loathe The Drop of Doom!

 

 

When my daughter turned two it was clear to the entire family that she had a problem. A very serious problem: a pacifier problem. Since I’ve watched a lot of interventions on tv, I felt completely comfortable staging a paci intervention in our home. We sat my unsuspecting girl down in her “big girl chair” for a “big girl” talk.

Just like an addict, she was angry and even in denial. She placed the blame on others, mainly me. She even called me her “paci pusher.” And that, friends, is the sad but honest truth.


When she was a baby, I would shove a pacifier her way any time I heard a little whimper or cry. Silence was golden, but it was also a slippery slope and a gateway to addiction. In the past, when we tried to get her to kick her habit, she would throw epic tantrums, and I would throw pacifiers at her by the handful just to get her to stop.

We thought she was doing better, but then we found her secret stash. Some places were obvious: in her doll house, shoved in the couch. But some were stealthy hidden: in her shoes, in her shopping cart of play food. One day I witnessed her pull a paci out of the dog food bin and start sucking away. She had hit rock bottom.

We tried to get her to quit before, but this time was different. I would no longer enable her addiction. It was time to quit the pacifier cold turkey. OK, she could still have the paci at night, but that’s it!

So we started on the journey of clean living and life without the paci, and let me tell you, it was rough. The normal daily tantrums of a two year old doubled, tripled, quadrupled! Anything and everything set her off, and we all walked around the house on tiptoe not to disturb the beast. It was like she couldn’t function without a little help from her friend the paci.

Since I couldn’t go back on my vow to break her of the paci, I decided to turn into my secret mommy laboratory and create something to help her and all pacifier addicts get over the hump while kicking their habit.

Introducing The Paci Patch, part of the PRT (Pacifier Replacement Therapy). Much like the patch that helps smokers kick their nasty habit, The Paci Patch helps take the edge off of mom induced pacifier weaning.


The Paci Patch is easy to apply: just peel and stick to their arm. Voila!

The Paci Patch has a super scientific, timed therapeutic sensation that will ease your little one’s cravings for the paci and help them successfully wean from the pacifier.

The Paci Patch even comes in your child’s favorite television characters!

So if you have a pacifier addict, you are not alone. And now you have help, The Paci Patch. And if this thing doesn’t work, you can totally give the kid the pacifier when no one is looking. I totally won’t judge you.

 

Amanda Mushro is a mommy of two who blogs at Questionable Choices in Parenting. Sometimes she thinks she is doing a great job as a mom, but then she does something that really makes her question her own parenting abilities. Find her atQuestionable Choices in ParentingFacebookTwitter, and Pinterest

 

 

 

 

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Tips for Tuesday! Upcycling for Cheapo Winos!

Today’s tip is for the Cheapo Wino that has everything…except the ability to water his or her plants with any consistency during the hot summer months.

Last summer, I relied heavily on those Aqua Globe things to keep my potted plants alive, and they worked great (when I remembered to refill them).

But when I pulled them out this year, they were all broken. Wah, wah, waah. I went online to buy more but “ouch!”, they’re kinda expensive.

So I got to thinking, “Candy Ass (positive self-talk), you’re pretty clever. Can’t you create something from materials found around the house?”

And then it hit me! Of course! I’ll make use of my most abundant and natural resource, empty wine bottles!

 

How to make Cheapo Wino Plant Bottles

 

Supplies

empty wine bottle

cork

drill w/ a drill bit (about 7/32)

straw

pliers

screwdriver

scissors

a plant likely to die under your care

Directions

1. Hold the corkscrew in place with the pliers, then drill all the way through the cork.

 

2. Insert a screwdriver into the hole to clear out cork debris. Insert the straw into the cork.

 

3. Fill wine bottle with water and put the cork in the bottle (with the straw sticking out…duh). Cut the straw down so that it extends about 3 inches.

 

4. Use the screwdriver to dig a deep hole into the plant’s soil. Invert wine bottle and insert. Be careful NOT to bend the straw.

 

5. Watch the plant thrive!…or possibly die*

*I’ve only been using this for about 5 minutes. It could go either way.

 

Like my tips? No? What did you expect, I’m listed under Humor Blogs not DIY. Could you give me a little clicky-click love anyway by smacking the banner below?

PS- after you click the banner it’ll seem like nothing happened but trust me, you voted! and I’ll love you a little bit more…but not more than my wine. sorry.

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