Guess where we are?

We’re on the boardwalk, Baby, putting my horse racing skills to the test!

And did I kick ass again?  Well, you tell me…

BOOM!

Please refrain from making fun of Ana’s bad haircut. I’ll bitch about that next week.

I was on fire, my friends!!! And I was reminded that there’s no better time to repost my advice about how to win the Horse Racing game than today! I’ll rehash our vacation later, but until I get back, enjoy this public service FAF (Free Advice Friday)…

Dear Kim,

I was hoping you could tell me your strategy for winning the horse racing game on the boardwalk. It seems like you dominate it. I’d like to know if you can give me some tips because I’m terrible and can’t seem to win at anything.

Thank you, Amanda in Sucksatgames, PA

Dear Amanda,

I assume you’re referring to my recent victories, here and here.

While some of my competitors would mistake my skill as raw, natural talent, the truth is, I work hard…damn hard. In the off season you’ll usually find me practicing at my state-of-the-art portable training facility. I dedicate no less than 25 hours a week to this sport (oh yeah, it’s a sport). Training is intense and involves mostly nights and weekends, as that’s when the kids are available. Do you have children Amanda?  What about kids in the neighborhood with minimal after school commitments? Find them, they are vital for your success.

When setting up your rolling range (that’s what we in the biz call it) you’ll need at least 3 kids, 3 solo cups, a tennis ball, racing numbers, and an old piece of plywood- that is, if you’re serious about doing what it takes to be a winner.

And by the way Amanda, kids these days are lazy.  Don’t let their cries of “mommy, my knees are hurting” to cut your practices short.  Trust me, if you sprinkled coins along the ground, I bet they’d stay down there all day.

I find if you pay the kids in candy versus money it’s a better deal for both you and their dentist.

Remember Amanda, nothing good happens without hard work. And there’s no “i” in team…but there is an “m” and an “e” so I don’t get the saying.

In any case, dedicate yourself and you too can bring home the cow…

I won! Go cry to your mother junior.

just don’t choose the stupid dog…

See you at the races!
Kim

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