پاکستان میں Mostbet com ویب سائٹ ملاحظہ کریں، اور آپ یقینی طور پر کھیلوں پر شرط لگانے یا آن لائن کیسینو میں کھیلنے کے لیے یہاں واپس آنا چاہیں گے۔ کھیلوں کے شائقین کو ایونٹس کے ایک بڑے انتخاب، مختلف پروموشنز اور بونسز، مفت بیٹس، مفت گھماؤ اور زیادہ مشکلات تک رسائی حاصل ہے۔ اور کھیل کو مزید آسان بنانے کے لیے، ہم نے ایک موبائل ایپلیکیشن تیار کی ہے جسے آپ آسانی سے اپنے فون پر انسٹال کر سکتے ہیں۔

Tips for Tuesday – my home after the hurricane

October 30, 2012 Written by One Classy Motha

Last night, we were in Hurricane Sandy’s direct path yet somehow we were fortunate enough to awake this morning with power and without damage to our home. Notice I said “without damage to our home”, because 36 hours in the basement with my family has damaged my mental state.

I’m going to keep today’s tips short because I’m eager to head into the woods and wander aimlessly for hours.

Today’s tips are quite personal. This is what I recommend if you live in my area:

1. Tell anyone and everyone how thankful you are to have escaped this storm relatively unscathed. Sends kind thoughts, words, and/or prays to those that have been affected by Sandy.

2. Spend about a minute quietly bitching about all the time and preparation that went into getting ready for this storm, only to not need any of it. Then realize you’re going to hell for having such stupid thoughts. Would you rather have had tragedy strike? God, Kim, what the hell is wrong with you?

3. Get on the internet, read about all the destruction in nearby cities, then feel extremely grateful that the worst things you have to clean up are Reese’s wrappers and empty chip bags.

4. Stop eating all the junk food you bought. The storm is over. You can stop eating now.

5. Get away from one another. Divide the house into sections and assign each family member their own area. If you have young children, I find that visual boundaries made from sidewalk chalk, duct tape, or sofa pillows makes it easier for them to define where they can and can’t go. The cat chose to make her perimeter out of vomit.

We gave her the room with the most toys. Tell me I’m not a good mom!

6. Make it clear to all family members that there should be minimal interactions today. All communication should be via text, email, handwritten note, or drawings (for the little ones).

7. Because you ate all of your Halloween candy last night, tomorrow is the perfect opportunity to get rid of all the unused hurricane supplies you stocked up on. A roll of toilet paper will last way longer than that Kit Kat.

Trick or treat, give me something good to wipe my ass with

8. Take a deep breath. I’m happy your day is uneventful enough that you have time to read this silly little blog! And I’m certainly thankful that I can write it!

Off to the woods…

8 Comments Filed Under: Tips Tagged With: ,

Tip for Tuesday – Great photographs through psychology.

October 16, 2012 Written by One Classy Motha

I’ve received several comments and questions regarding my pictures. Many readers want to know how I manage to capture the perfect expression in each of my photos. So today, I’m going to share my secret with you.

The trick is to know your subject on a deep psychological level. Know what motivates them and what saddens them.  Know their hopes, their dreams, their fears. Basically psychoanalyze them for vulnerabilities. If they’re not family or close friends you’ll either need to stalk them or have them fill out a questionnaire prior to photographing.

The good news is, it’s pretty easy to get someone to smile….

“Hold that up and we’ll buy a puppy!”

But you have to choose the perfect statement to capture the subtle nuances of almost any other emotion…

Depression

“That wasn’t good enough. No puppy for you.”

Despair

“Santa is dead.”

Crushing Guilt

“Santa’s autopsy came back. Turns out the stress of your toy demands killed him.”

Processing Disgust

“Your sister just sneezed on that.”

This technique works on animals too.

WTF?

“The vet called. She said you’ll die if you keep eating cat shit.”

This look was accomplished by standing in the corner and loudly yelling at the photographer to “hurry up! We have an appointment to get his testicles cut off after this”.

That was actually true. But we sang “Jingle Balls” on the ride over to lighten the mood.

My suggestion, is that you create a bank of go-to phrases capable of evoking every emotion. Also, get a second job because your children’s therapy sessions may prove to be expensive. But hey- great pics are priceless!

2 Comments Filed Under: Tips, Uncategorized Tagged With: ,

Tips for Tuesday: Leaf blowers and more. So much more.

October 2, 2012 Written by One Classy Motha

I’m not shitting you when I say I have some truly useful tips today!

Tip #1 – Leaf Blowers

My friend Lisa was kind enough to share a great tip with me this past weekend that I’m going to pass on to you. She was tired of cramming herself into the backseat of her car to clean out the trash and dirt that only kids can accumulate. So she decided to make use of her husband’s beloved leaf blower.

Here she is blowing the hell out of her back seat. She says it’s best to do this on a windy day so that the litter is blown away from your home and into a neighbor’s yard, leaving you with very little, to no clean-up.

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Leaf blowing your car is a brilliant idea but, as a visionary, so many other possibilities entered my mind. My favorite was this…

* not recommended for children under 25 lbs.

Why bother towel drying the children and blow drying their hair after a bath? It can be done in half the time with a 3.5 horsepower leaf blower!

Sure, Ana was a little skittish at first but with the promise of a Kit Kat bar and by shouting encouraging words like “don’t look directly at it!” she made out fine. And we were done in under 30 seconds, just in time for Final Jeopardy (That’s how I get my edumecation for clever cocktail party convo).

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Tip #2 – Wine Safety

This is how I used to secure my wine purchases on my way home from the liquor store so they wouldn’t clank on an abrupt stop:

Mommy’s purse.

This was fine and dandy until I ran into another mother at the preschool pickup, who stuck her head into my passenger window. I believe she was about to ask me to pick up her daughter for the following day until she glanced in my purse. I think this, combined with the unfortunate timing of my hiccups, changed her mind.

So here is my new method of securing my fragile wine babies bottles:

As soon as I came up with this idea I ran right out and bought a Britax, the safest car seat on the market.

But before you judge me, you should know that my wine runs are made only after dropping Ana off at preschool, that way I’m not forced to choose between their safety or hers. And trust me, there are certain days where the outcome might hurt her feelings.

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Tip #3 – Diaper Safe

This tip stems from my over abundance of diapers. Now this, my friends, is true genius! Store your valuables (jewelry, spare keys, birth control pills,etc) in plain sight! Just roll everything up in a dirty diaper and leave it laying around your car, your kitchen counter, or coffee table. Warning: People might think you’re disgusting and you’d have to agree…disgustingly rich bitches!

Of course, it doesn’t have to be a real dirty diaper. However, I think that putting real poo inside adds authenticity and the smell will definitely make the burglars think twice about going through your crusty underwear drawer.

$8,000 of jewels laying in the hallway. Don’t worry, no one in my family would bother to pick it up and throw it out.

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Tip #5

My last tip of the day. Stop wasting money by buying new yoga pants when your old ones get a hole in the crotch (probably from scratching…damn you Nair!). Simply buy a pair of matching underwear and no one will know the difference…unless you get a vaginal wedgie while in downward dog. By the way, that’s called a Vedgie.

Um, no. That’s my hand in there, you sicko. Please, there’s no way in hell I’d have a Brazilian again! It’s like you don’t even know me 🙁

7 Comments Filed Under: Tips Tagged With: , , , ,

A Tip for Tuesday – Jewelry Cleaning

September 18, 2012 Written by One Classy Motha

Cleaning Your Rings-

I have a great tip for removing dirt, hairspray, saliva, blood, etc., off of your rings. What? You say you don’t have blood on them? HAHAHA! If you have kids then you most definitely have traces of blood (and poop) on your jewelry. If you shined a black-light on your rings you’d vomit. Trust me.

Step 1.

The first thing you’ll want to do is soak your rings in alcohol to loosen the debris. I like to use Popov vodka. But if you don’t have Popov vodka (and you shouldn’t unless you live in a dorm) you can use Southern Comfort or Black Velvet Whiskey-basically any jagged alcohol capable of eating a hole through your bathtub.

*That was just an expression, you shouldn’t be bathing in any of that shit, you might go sterile.

Step 2.

After soaking your rings you’ll want to either rinse or lick them clean, depending on the time of day. I usually ask myself “Is it noon yet?”

*Tip within a tip- Pour the remaining alcohol on your kitchen sponge, countertops, or open wounds to kill nasty germs!

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Step 3.

Put a pea- sized amount of toothpaste on a Sonic Care toothbrush. You can really use any vibrating toothbrush but I find my husband’s Sonic Care toothbrush works the best. The keyword here is “husband’s”. Don’t use your own, that’s disgusting!

He doesn’t have one? Then get him one for his birthday, Christmas, or Hanukkah. If you’re having trouble justifying the expense then I want you to think of it this way, you could buy a sonic jewelry cleaning machine for $199 or get a Sonic Care toothbrush that will keep your guy’s teeth white and make your diamonds sparkle for under $100. Now that’s a savings! It just makes good economical sense.

Now, I shouldn’t have to say this but…put the toothpaste on BEFORE turning on the toothbrush. Once you have the toothbrush humming make sure to work it into every nook and cranny of your ring. It’s important, however, that you don’t press too hard or the bristles will flatten out and 1) it won’t clean as well and 2) your husband will suspect you’ve done something bad with his toothbrush. Though he probably won’t suspect jewelry cleaning, he may assume crevice cleaning (which I’ll address in another post).

Step 4. Rinse the rings under warm running water. But make sure to close the sink drain before doing Step 4 otherwise this might turn into a $500 plumber bill.

Notice the badly needed manicure.

Voila! A shiny new ring like the day you got it from your sweetheart…or in my case, like the day you got it from the jeweler because you traded your old one in for a bigger one because you suck at sentiment. Sorry Brian.

(Brian, I was so kidding about all of this. I totally use my own toothbrush, because that’s the right thing to do.)

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A summary of the supplies you’ll need. I highly recommend putting the vodka away after each use.

1 Comment Filed Under: Tips Tagged With: , ,
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