Dear Kim,

I always turn to you with these “motha knows best”!
This week DH bought a huge 3 room tent?!?!? WTF???

DH :Honey the kids will love it!
Me :We never camp! Our idea of camping is the Hilton,honey, right!?!?!right?!?!

Well, Mr. Boy Scout took 3 hours to set this up today on our beach while I was shopping. Ugh. The kids came home and are so excited!

“We can camp on our beach! It will be so cool Mom!yeah!!!”

Please help! How can I make this tent more like home? Where do I get things for my tent? And I mean real comforts like outdoor down blankets, mattresses, and a small wine cooler.

I really need some tips here. The kids want to sleep out soon, and they’re really not old enough to be down there by themselves.

Please advise.

Camping in Comfort

Dear Campy,

I’ve only been camping once in my life, and boy was it rough! The water pressure was horrible, the continental breakfast was crappy, and the mini fridge barely reached above room temperature. *I just asked Brian which campground we stayed at, he said it was a Motel 6. close enough.

Personally, what I would do is hire a babysitter and make her sleep in the tent with the children. Of course, this is going to require you to tap into your kid’s college fund because today’s average babysitter charges more per hour than Yingtai, the lady who waxes my hoo-ha.

Side note: I remember one particular day, staring at a blurry Yingtai through a sheet of my own tears while hooking a leg behind my head and wondering “why doesn’t she just babysit kids instead?” Then I came home to mine. I get it now, Yingtai, sometimes waxing vaginas is just easier.

If you don’t have a sitter available, try communicating your comfort requirements to your family. I find that when dealing with young children or men, pictures are most effective.

I considered including a fireplace for chilly nights, but I thought it might be impractical.

Strike a deal, if they can meet all of your needs then you’ll gladly sleep in a dirty-ass tent. Granted, it’s not really a win-win situation, it’s more of a win -“this win sucks” win.

It took them a little over 3 years, but last month our kids finally saved up enough birthday money to purchase everything on my “Tent Demands” list. I thought for sure I’d have to camp out this summer, but when I asked “Do you have a backup generator for the espresso machine?” they just looked at each other and cried….and I made reservations at a 4-star hotel.

Look Campy, don’t let your family guilt you into camping, you do what makes you feel comfortable. And if anyone tries the “they’re only little once” line on you, well that’s BS! Ana has been little for 4 years now. In fact, I put her to bed last night and when she woke up this morning, guess what? she was still little. Sure, you’ll feel like shit when your kid is 36, living back home, and blames your lack of parental involvement for his divorce, but that’s a long ways off.

Now you go and rack up those Hyatt Regency guest points, girlfriend!

Kim

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