Good Morning by Mr. Bojangles

I like to start my  morning

with a long awaited crap,

then roll around in deer poo

til it’s smeared down my back.

 

I wriggle in that stank shit

until I hear my momma yell

“God dammit Mr. B,

you’re going to doggy hell!”

 

She pushes me in the shower

’cause I’m way too fat to lift

my furry ass gets lathered

as I raise my leg to piss.

 

After my hair is styled

we head down to the kitchen

She’s getting on my nerves

jeez lady, quit your bitching!

 

The kid has got a pop tart

and it’s sitting in a bowl

I take it when she looks away

ha ha ha ha, asshole!

 

Everyone is screaming

while I’m scarfing on my treat

I look at them like, WTF?!

Can’t you see I’m trying to eat?

 

My momma gives her another one

so I steal that pop tart too

Man, this kid’s an easy mark

she hasn’t got a clue!

 

I’m escorted behind the baby gate

and on this side it’s quite boring

I know…I’ll bark incessantly

’cause it’s how I start my morning.

Ode to the Bone by Mr. Bojangles

Oh bone, rawhide bone

your marrow has me weak

for in your cartilage

my tongue does nest

and taste buds make me weep.

 

Some would urge

to have you buried

but in my mouth you’ll stay

and I will bite the god damn hand

that tries to take you away.

 

Oh bone, rawhide bone

my love for you is rich

shit, here comes the kid

that screws with me

“Grrrrrrrrrr

back off it bitch!”