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Weekend in Crappy Pics – Disney 2014 (pt.3)

weekendincrappypics

 

In case you missed the last couple posts, Disney (Part 1) and Disney (Part 2), I’m continuing our Disney trip with some more crappy pics.

 

Day 3 – Hollywood Studios

As you know, Frozen is all the rage right now, and nowhere in Disney is that more apparent than Hollywood Studios.

First we had to see the Frozen sing-a-long musical…which was AWESOME!

[embedit snippet=”frozen-sing-a-long”]

 

Then we moved like cattle to a building that contained EVERYTHING and ANYTHING Frozen. Though I couldn’t find the feminine product line-  a bloated Elsa on the box, with sled shaped pads and tampons dangling from her castle like icicles.

 

Ana swore she had to have this t-shirt-

photo 1 (20)

 I swore I would NOT pay this price-

photo 2 (21)

so we distracted her with something shiny and free. Snow.

Welcome to Wandering Oaken’s Frozen Snowground, where it’s always 40 degrees, and you delightfully slip and slide on recycled slush while wearing shorts.

photo 3 (15)

 

 

Brian screaming over “Do You Want to Build a Snowman”: Oh my god, how long do we have to stay here?

Collin: Can we go?

me: It’s timed, so I think 5 minutes maybe?

Collin: Can we go?

me to cast member: How long do they play in that cold stuff?

Collin: Can we go?

cast member: 15 minutes.

me: oh..no..no..no..no…. (my visible breath swirling into the shape of a dagger before plunging into my heart)

Collin: MOM! That little girl just hit me in the face with an iceball!

 

Who knew Hell would be so cold?

 

 Day 4 – Blizzard Beach

photo 1 (17)

Sadly, this was the only photo I was able to take all day because I had to leave my phone in the locker. But if I did have my camera, this is what I would have captured…

1. Brian losing our locker key in the Lazy River. He spent a half hour with security, breaking into our locker and relocating our belongings.

2. Brian then losing our Disney Gift Card (which we had just loaded with money) on Runoff Rapids. They had to close the ride and call a diver in to retrieve it. Thankfully, the ride was configured in such a way that those waiting in line at the top were unable to see why it was stopped. “I wouldn’t volunteer you’re the reason.” was the advice given to us by the attendant.

3. Me and my mother-in-law ordering a drink from the bar at 2 pm because it had already been a long day.

 

Trick or Treating in Celebration, FL

 

Ah, Celebration, Fl, the idyllic little town that Disney built.

Judging by the small number of homes with lights on, it seems that most of these residences are used as vacation homes. But the ones that did give out candy went fantastically overboard!

Our little Elsa, even found an Anna and Kristoff!

anahalloween

 

But here’s the weird thing…see that gate on their front porch? Almost all of the homes had them, like they were keeping us “out-of-towners” at a safe distance, off their porches and away from their breakables.

For a moment, I considered I might be paranoid, but then we came upon “jail house” where they pointed rifles and threw candy at us over a barbed wire fence.

photo 2 (16)

Something tells me this was a multifaceted design choice.

 

NEXT UP: Epcot and Disney Quest, then home…click here

Free Advice Friday! No Baby Book? No Problem!

Dear Kim,

I feel like such a terrible mother! My girls, ages 14 & 12, have started babysitting some of the children in the neighborhood, so suddenly they’re into babies. Anyway, yesterday the 14 year old asked me where their baby books were because she wanted to look through them. As you can probably guess by my “I feel like such a terrible mother” statement, I never made one for either of them! Crap! I always meant to do it but I never got around to it.

I told her that I could either look for it or we could go to the mall to buy whatever she wanted. She chose the mall, thank goodness! I know it’s only a matter of time before she asks again. What should I do? Should I be honest with the girls about how overwhelming and time consuming motherhood is that you sometimes (or always) forget to formally document everything OR should I throw something together real quick?

Thanks so much!

Baby Book Blues

 

Dear BBB,

In my opinion, honesty is the only way to go…if you want to crush your children and look like an unsentimental bitch.

Listen BBB, I’ve been in your position. In fact, the only legitimate thing I have in either kid’s baby book is whatever happy bullshit I wrote in there BEFORE actually having the baby. That’s right, after receiving the baby book at the shower, I immediately filled in the sections “How your parents met.”, “Your Family Tree”, and “How we told everyone we were expecting.”, but after that I got nothing but the words “sore nipples” written in what I think is blood.

Take heart, it’s never too late to create a baby book for your children, it just takes time, patience, and enrollment in a Photo Shop course held at your local community college. Why Photo Shop? Because why record boring old memories when you can create fabulous new ones! Give your kids a childhood that they can really brag about! It’s not like they’ll remember if it actually happened or not. *do not try to create new memories for things that supposedly happened after age 10…they start retaining shit around then.

Here, take a peek into the albums I’m putting together:

 

Remember when we went swimming with sharks off the coast of Australia?

source www.freestockphotos.biz

“That guy behind you got eaten but you survived because they thought you were one of them. You’re so clever!”

 

Or how about the time we went to Alaska?

source www.geprek.com

“You can tell we’re in Alaska because of Ana’s warm PJ’s and we’re huddled together because it’s cold. And there’s a polar bear next to us.”

 

Ahh, France! That was a wonderful trip. Even the French loved you…and they normally hate Americans.

source www.quotes-pictures.feedio.net

“We bought you that dress in a cute Parisian boutique. I believe it was called La Target.”

 

You LOVED the great pyramids of Egypt!

*note: We went straight from Alaska to here, no time to change. Needless to say, we were hot.
source www.wikiveler.com

“I said ‘Look, Ana, it’s a triangle!’ and you said ‘No mama, dat shape a tetrahedron.’ You were a genius even then!”

 

 

Who had the best 7th birthday ever?! COLLIN DID!

source www.wallpapers.xs.blogspot.com

“We had oxygen pumped in so that we could light the candles.”

 

BBB, see what I mean? Sure it takes less time to put together a plain old baby book, but your guilt is screaming “Give them something more than 20,000 pics of Chuck E. Cheese!” I should know.

You’re welcome!

Kim

 

 

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The Weekend in Crappy Pics- At the Beach!

 

First, I need to explain Ana’s new look. Remember when I screwed up her haircut? Well, Brian kept asking me when I was going to take her to a professional. So I did.

So. I. Did…

Anywhoo…moving on.

 

 

I hope everyone had a great Father’s Day weekend, we certainly did! Here are just a handful of crappy pics to highlight our trip to the beach.

 

The first thing we did when we got there was to play the horse racing game, and it’s no surprise that I was in. the. zone. See here as my family watches me in amazement. (click here to learn how you too can be a winner)

 

I still don’t understand why they stood so far away from me. They totally missed out on hearing little Billy’s mom cheer him on:

“C’mon Billy! You can do it! Good job! Ugh! What was that?! Get out of your head, Billy. GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD! You’re getting beat by an adult! NOOOO, BILLLYYY!
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Kiss it, Billy’s mom.

 

The next day we went Putt-Putting on a boardwalk rooftop. Let’s just say that Ana was a little “distracted” by all the fiberglass animals.

 

3…2…1…

It was all cute and funny until I we realized the gorilla wasn’t anchored to the ground. Even the attendant came running from her little “Putt Hut”.

 

About halfway through our game, Ana saw her first rainbow! She was so excited!

It was beautiful!

Then this happened…

Holy hell! A dark cloud literally descended upon us! I thought the world was ending, so I did what any rational person might do in such a dire situation…I let go of my kid’s hand and took off my earrings, because it was windy, and they’re my favorite earrings, and I wanted to have them in the afterlife.

 

Then next day (when the world didn’t end), we went to the beach.

*tomorrow, I’ll detail this beach day in my Tips for Tuesday.

 

Later that afternoon, we walked down to the pier and went fishing. Ugh.

For the record, I’m not a huge fan of fishing, mostly because I hate the idea of putting a hook through a live worm’s body, it just seems so cruel. Luckily, I remembered reading somewhere that the Germans use cheese for fish bait. So I grabbed some cheese, poured myself a glass of wine, and we headed down to the dock.

 

Here I am “fishing”…

…”fishing” for compliments on my new up-do – and wondering where my sunglasses are.

Brian didn’t stay long, he was annoyed that the bait kept falling off his hook. He mumbled something like “I doubt the Germans use deli sliced provolone” and left.

Sadly, the only thing we caught that day was my cell phone from falling in the water.

 

On Father’s day, we pretty much spent that morning cleaning up the beach house, driving 2 hours home, then watching the US Open while Ana bitched about Brian using “her” TV. When he told her to go upstairs to watch her shows, she replied, “Happy Mother’s Day, Baaaby” and stormed off.

 

At the beach house, before Ana turned on her father.
Happy Father’s Day, Brian!

How was your weekend?

 

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