Friday was my fifth and final day volunteering at a kid’s summer camp. All the proceeds go to charity, so I’m pretty sure my karma is back on the rise after the whole chef heart attack incident last month.

It was also Ana’s fifth day of wearing this dress:

Look at the shame.

She still bathes, she even changes her underwear, but then she shimmies her body into that same damn dirty dress! Brian’s just happy she’s over last week’s obsession…remember the “clown outfit”?

On Satuday, I walked into the kitchen and saw this on my counter top:

The hamster’s exercise ball.

I then had the following exchange with Brian:

Me: Why is the hamster’s ball on the counter top?

Brian: I had to wash it out because he peed and pooped in it.

Me: You didn’t use the kitchen sponge, did you?

Brian: Nope.

Brian:………..

Brian: But the soap would have killed any germs on the sponge anyway.

Me: Did you use the kitchen sponge?

Brian: Nope

Brian:………..

Brian: It’s time to throw that sponge out anyway.

Me: Did you use the kitchen sponge?

Brian: Nope.

Me: You didn’t use the dishtowel to dry it, did you?

Brian: Nope.

Brian:………..

Brian: But why would that matter? The ball was clean at that point anyway.

Me: Did you use the dishtowel to dry it?

Brian: Nope.

I got rid of the sponge and the dishtowel.

We also went to two birthday parties on Saturday, my wonderful mother-in-law’s and my good friend’s, but I decided not to write about them. I think we can all agree that that’s an awesome gift right there. Honestly, anytime I’ve said to somebody “By the way, you’re in my blog post today!” I get a strange look, it’s like a cross between “Oh shit.” and “Why do you hate me so much?”

On Sunday, we pretty much did absolutely nothing all morning. Even Mr. Bojangles slept in.

As Brian and I were laying across the bed, he said to me, “Every other family is out in the world, doing something exciting today. We’re not very active people.”

I knew exactly where this was coming from and I was disgusted! “Have you been comparing your life with people posting on Facebook…again?”

He slowly nodded.

“Ugh. Listen up, Brian. If you have 500 Facebook friends, and 10 of those friends say they’re going horseback riding with their families, 8 of them are posting pictures while on vacation, and 3 are trekking through the Andes in Peru with just enough cell phone coverage to brag about it, how many friends does that leave you with?”

“Can you repeat that?”

“The answer is a shitload. A shitload of friends are probably just laying across their beds like us, feeling like lazy pieces of shit. All better now?”

I didn’t stay to hear his answer, I went running because he’s right, we’re not active enough.

Tip: Run on dreary days, in the middle of nowhere, alone. Just thinking there could be a murderer waiting around the corner will raise your heart rate, thereby, creating more of a calorie burn.

I’m just learning to run, and so far I’ve been doing it on the treadmill, and treadmills have these handy-dandy things called shelves. So as I was running free-range style, I began to wonder what people do with their keys, water bottle, towel, phone, lipstick, and money (in case I literally run across a yard sale). I did the only thing I could think of:

I lifted up my boobs and stored everything underneath, like a saggy hatchback. Before kids, these puppies weren’t capable of securing anything more than a ballpoint pen and some bus change. sigh.

How was your weekend?

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