Ahh, it feels so good to be back on the “Shh, everyone leave momma alone, she’s relaxing in bed with her glass of wine” train.

Today’s wine review is brought to you by the letter “B”. C’mon, you knew it was only a matter of time before I reviewed a wine called Fat Bastard. Honestly, aren’t you surprised it took this long?

Fat bastard Pinot Noir – $11.99

Wine Makers’s Tasting Notes: “Lively and elegant with ripe red fruits and a hint of floral notes. Soft, smooth tannins and rich flavors of strawberries and raspberries, finishing with cherry notes.”

Kim’s Tasting Notes: “Yooouuuu lying bastards!”

Smooth? This wine was so tangy (is that even a wine term?) that my salivary glands went into overdrive. The back of the bottle said it had a lot of “body”…yeah, because every sip is thickened by your own disgusting spit! So I guess, technically, there’s some truth in their advertising.

But I will say that this wine’s color was absolutely beautiful! It was a deep cherry red, like highest quality blood plasma available on the market today…if there is a market for blood plasma- I’m not sure, I’m not a doctor.

To sum it up, I really didn’t like it. But after repeated attempts and a self-motivational talk, I did manage to finish my glass. Though, I’m not sure how helpful that knowledge is, we both know I’d finish my glass even if it was filtered through my sports bra first…wasting wine is never an option.

So, if you like tangy, drinking your own saliva, and the color of fresh blood, definitely buy Fat Bastard Pinot Noir today! (I’m an awesome spokesperson, and available for your marketing projects)