پاکستان میں Mostbet com ویب سائٹ ملاحظہ کریں، اور آپ یقینی طور پر کھیلوں پر شرط لگانے یا آن لائن کیسینو میں کھیلنے کے لیے یہاں واپس آنا چاہیں گے۔ کھیلوں کے شائقین کو ایونٹس کے ایک بڑے انتخاب، مختلف پروموشنز اور بونسز، مفت بیٹس، مفت گھماؤ اور زیادہ مشکلات تک رسائی حاصل ہے۔ اور کھیل کو مزید آسان بنانے کے لیے، ہم نے ایک موبائل ایپلیکیشن تیار کی ہے جسے آپ آسانی سے اپنے فون پر انسٹال کر سکتے ہیں۔

“How to Quinoa” giveaway! And the winner is…

Quinoa- Win A Signed Copy!

Last week, many of you entered to win the cleverly hysterical book “How to Quinoa: Life Lessons from My Imaginary Well-Dressed Daughter” by Tiffany Beveridge. And let me just say, you, dear readers, offered up some wonderful fashion advice in the comments section. With wisdom like “Don’t mix & match your coffee stains” and “Camel Toe is a Camel NO!”, I’m well on my way to becoming a fashion icon! The only thing left to do is sit on my shag carpeting and wait for the velour tracksuit to come back in style…but I digress…

As promised, the winner of the personalized, signed copy was chosen by Playskool’s Elefun- because shouldn’t all of life’s big decisions be made by a plastic elephant?

Drum roll please…

[embedit snippet=”book-giveaway-winner-how-to-quinoa-life-lessons-from-my-imaginary-well-dressed-daughter”]

 

Congratulations to the winner, you’ll be contacted this weekend!

If you’re not the winner, turn that frown upside down and buy the book here!

A Signed Book Giveaway!!!! What Would Quinoa Say?

Here’s an excerpt from an email I recently received:

 

fashion letter
FINALLY! Someone has finally recognized the panache with which I dress my children! About time.

 

wcp242
Just another Saturday on the asphalt catwalk.

 

Encouraged by Valerie’s belief in my god-like sense of style, I immediately began work on a kids’ fashion-backward clothing line.

 

Knowing that I wanted it to be eco-friendly and knowing that I wasn’t about to put a bra on to leave the house, I was able to source most of my materials from the recycling bin located in the back of our garage, next to the chemical fertilizer and under the “Monsanto for President!” signs. I then constructed a few sample dresses from the “non-wine stained” pile, and Trash 2 Sass was born!

 

After a frustrating photo shoot with Ana, I sent the pics to my friend’s Well-Dressed Imaginary Daughter, Quinoa, for feedback.

 

If you don’t know who Quinoa is then you’ve obviously been living under a pile of laundry with limited internet access. Seriously. Quinoa is only the most fashionable toddler ever, first taking Pinterest by storm…then the world, in her new book “How to Quinoa: Life Lessons from My Imaginary Well-Dressed Daughter”.
how to quinoa1
“Based on the wildly popular Pinterest board, My Imaginary Well-Dressed Toddler Daughter,How to Quinoa will take you on a tour of high fashion hilarity with snapshots and stories from the life of the world’s most influential toddler, plus tips and best practices to transform your own life and wardrobe from snore to roar. Quinoa will show you how to do every thing from raising a superior child to securing a compatible BFF. And from finding your own path to designer happiness to practicing on-trend hobbies like drinking flavored lemonades from mason jars. So, ask yourself this: Are you ready to Quinoa?” Amazon.com
*FYI – Do your kegels before reading this or you may just piss your pants.

 

Quinoa is the brain child (literally) of my friend and author, Tiffany Beveridge. Like really, Tiffany is my friend. Ok, maybe we’re not “our periods are in sync” friends, but we frequently hang out bra-less, and that requires a certain level of comfort, at least on my part.

 

Anywhoo, I sent her my fashion pics and crossed my fingers. This was Quinoa’s response:

 

It’s not uncommon for people to seek Quinoa’s advice for their back-to-school wardrobe. In fact, it shows a certain level of acumen, so Quinoa applauds you for reaching out.

 

News You Can Use:photo (51)
Quinoa loves this nod to the struggling newspaper industry with a simple newsprint shift dress. The cerulean belt is a nice touch. However, Quinoa recommends moving away from the obituary and crossword sections and more towards front page news (a financial scandal story, if possible). The Pop Tart shoes are an interesting choice. And by interesting, Quinoa means wrong. Paper should never be paired with cardboard.

 

It’s In the Bag: photo (50)
As someone who is continually surrounded by a staff of stunningly beautiful mannies and au pairs, Quinoa understands developing innocent crushes on the help but these feelings should be trapped inside. What good could come from splaying your feelings across your chest? This completely gives away the upper hand and before you know it, that “babysitter” you “love” will be asking for things like minimum wage and holidays off. This simply can’t happen. Quinoa recommends destroying the dress and all evidence of its existence.

 

Oh, Quinoa, your advice never lets me down! It never quite builds me up either…

 

Now here’s the exciting part for you, dear reader…I’m giving away a copy of “How to Quinoa: Life Lessons from My Imaginary Well-Dressed Daughter”!

 

But wait, there’s more! Because Tiffany is my BFF (Bra-less Friend Forever), she’s offered to sign the book with a personal message to the winner! I shit you not.

 

Who's the most fashionable child ever? Quinoa! Win a signed & personalized copy! The winner will be chosen via Elefun (a battery-operated elephant)...no fancy rafflecopter here!

 

To enter the giveaway, all you need to do is leave a comment with a bit of fashion advice, like this, “If you have saggy boobs, always check their alignment, making sure both nipple are pointing forward.” Honestly though, nothing’s worse than a booby version of lazy eye.

 

Once I have your name, I’ll write it on a tiny piece of paper, stick it down Elefun’s trunk, and have my daughter catch the winner with her butterfly net on Wednesday, August 20th. Yes, it’ll be videoed for authenticity.

 

elefun2
Sadly, how I make all my life choices.

 

Ready, dress, go!

The Beaver Baby Prize Winner!

Today I announce the winner of the Beaver Baby giveaway!

In order to qualify, all you had to do was take about 12 hours of your day, read all about me, and answer 7 detailed questions (that were put in a crossword format, just to push the pain-in-the-ass-ness over the top). I thank everyone that participated!

 

First, the questions and answers:

 

1. One who studies feces. Why, that’s a poopologist, of course.

2. What did I use to flatten my chicken breasts? My car! I thought, “Surly, the weight of my SUV will flatten them”.  I was very wrong. (Pics included)

3. My favorite variety of wine. Cabernet (nom nom nommy!)

4. Which bank’s talent show did I enter Mr. Bojangles in? WSFS  We worked long & hard on his talent portion, and even had his nails done & anal glands expressed. (spoiler: he didn’t win)

5. Another name for vaginal infants. Beaver Babies – I offer a tutorial for the half-assed do-it-yourselfer

6. What selection method did I use for giveaways? Elefun In fact, Elefun makes all of my important life decisions.

7. Name of the possum I ran over. Poor, poor Pickles.  At first, I thought he was just playing possum.

 

And now for the winner….

Jenn from Something Clever 2.0!

 

Congratulations, Jenn!  Please contact me at kim@oneclassymotha.com  with your gender choice, skin tone, baby hair color, and your pubic hair color!  (I hope you have a Brazilian because I’m getting tired of running around town with faux pubes glued to my hands.)

A giveaway: One Classy Motha style! STFU! No really…

Ok, so get this…about three weeks ago, I noticed a HUGE amount of traffic landing on my Beaver Babies post- like bees to honey, my friend, like dirty bees to honey.

Push! Push! I see the head! It’s a boy!

So I did a little investigation and found that the origin of this vag-u-cational frenzy was a blog called STFU, Parents ( www.stfuparentsblog.com ). I must spend the majority of my day with my head up my ass because I hadn’t heard of this blog. Naturally, I headed right over there and clicked the “about” page:

“STFU, Parents is a submission-based “public service” blog that mocks parent overshare on social networking sites. It was created in March 2009 and is an entertainment destination for thousands of daily readers. The site serves as a guide for parents on what NOT to post about their kids as well as a forum for non-parents to vent about their TMI-related frustrations.”

Well, as you know, TMI + Oversharing = One Classy Motha!

Yes, I could be the poster child for this site…or the mascot.

 

After I spending forever reading, laughing, and peeing my pants, I wrote Blair a “thank you for the shout out” email. And guess what? 1) She said she’s been a fan of mine for like ever (I made that up) 2) It was one of my readers that submitted my link to her (reader, you rock!) and 3) She has a book coming out on April 2nd and asked if I wanted to give one away on my blog! – Umm, Hell Yeah!!!

Aww, isn’t it beautiful?

Shh, it’s sleeping until April 2nd.

If you haven’t had a chance to check it out, here’s the summary:

“Are you a parent? Do you have friends who are parents? Do you have parents? Then chances are you’ve been exposed to the growing online phenomenon known as overshare.
From posting photos of baby’s first poo and the intricacies of placental crafts to sanctimommies declaring their child the most beautiful kid in the world and criticizing the parenting skills of fellow Facebook “friends,” STFU, Parents collects the most bizarre, hilarious, and horrifying examples of oversharing on the web. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll cringe at detailed descriptions of baby’s first blowout, but one thing’s for sure: You’ll never look at parenting the same again.”

Blair was kind enough to send me my very own copy, and guys…OMG…sooo hilarious! I read it in the bathtub so I don’t have to worry about peeing my pants (leave me alone, I had a big baby).

You can preorder the book here. But if you want to try to win it first, all you need to do is leave a comment at the end of this post. Your comment can be anything: tell me a little tmi story (I’m always up for those), tell me you love me (I really like hearing that), or tell me how often you shave your legs (and be honest- I’m collecting data to show Brian).

But just so you know, kissing ass won’t help your chances. Why not? Because the winner will be chosen by none other than Elefun! Ohhh Yeaaahhh! That’s right, I’m writing everyone’s name down on a little piece of paper, shoving them down Elefun’s trunk, and flipping on the switch! The first name that Ana catches in her little net will be the winner! The winner will be revealed on April 2nd via live recording. Don’t worry, I’ve done this before.

Oh, and I have a bonus gift for the winner – A One Classy Motha bookmark! You’ve heard of a bookworm, but have you heard of a booksperm? Booksperm:- You love to read, he loves to breed.

All this could be yours!

I’m so excited! Leave me a love note below- and Good Luck!

PS- Gift Idea: this book, a Beaver Baby, and a box of condoms would make an awesome baby shower gift!

Psst…If you laughed your ass off OR you cracked a shitty smile, please vote for me on your way out by clicking the Top Mommy Blogs button. (that’s it, just click) Thanks! Mwah!

Vote For Us @ Top Mommy Blogs
 

 

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