پاکستان میں Mostbet com ویب سائٹ ملاحظہ کریں، اور آپ یقینی طور پر کھیلوں پر شرط لگانے یا آن لائن کیسینو میں کھیلنے کے لیے یہاں واپس آنا چاہیں گے۔ کھیلوں کے شائقین کو ایونٹس کے ایک بڑے انتخاب، مختلف پروموشنز اور بونسز، مفت بیٹس، مفت گھماؤ اور زیادہ مشکلات تک رسائی حاصل ہے۔ اور کھیل کو مزید آسان بنانے کے لیے، ہم نے ایک موبائل ایپلیکیشن تیار کی ہے جسے آپ آسانی سے اپنے فون پر انسٹال کر سکتے ہیں۔

Free Advice Friday! Dear Kim, I won the lottery…

June 7, 2013 Written by One Classy Motha

Dear Kim,

 

I recently won a large amount of money through the lottery. At first I saw it as a blessing but now I feel like my friends and family are using me. Every other day, I receive a call or email from someone asking to “borrow” some money because they think I have it to spare. I want to put this money into savings and I don’t trust that anyone will repay me. I don’t know how to tell them this without ruining relationships. What should I do?

 

Sincerely,

Millionaire Melanie

 

 

Dear Melanie,

 

I know exactly what you’re going through, as something similar happened to me several years ago.

In 1994, I decided I wanted to start my own business, something that required low overhead, minimal skills, and almost zero human interaction. And that’s I how I came up with…

Dingleberry’s Litter Box Service

“We’ve got the scoop on poop!”

I traveled to my clients’ homes and cleaned out their cats’ litter boxes. The only financial investment I had to make was a used produce scale so I could charge by the ounce, and a logo designed by my cousin Eddie (it was a picture of my cat, Skittles, taking a dump while I enthusiastically held a scoop under him. It took 3 weeks and a lot of tuna to get that shot).

As it turns out, Melanie, the stereotype of old ladies owning a shitload of cats is absolutely true. Those crazy cat ladies were the bulk of my business, and I spent most of 1994 surrounded by them, drinking instant Sanka and listening to Elvis records.

Well, one day, while trying to scrape the sides of Snookum’s litter box (I hated that cat, he always crapped on the edge), I received a call from a lawyer.  Apparently, one of my clients had passed away and I was named in her will. Melanie, would you believe she left me her entire coin collection?!!! …pennies, nickles, dimes, quarters, even half-dollars!

But like you, once my family heard that I had thousands of cents in my pocket, they just assumed that I’d pay for everything- wishing wells, bubblegum machines, arcades games, you name it. If it had a coin slot, it was “Kim’s got this”.

So you know what I did? I went straight to the bank, handed the teller all my cents, and traded them in for crisp dollar bills. Then I took those dollar bills and bought a 24-inch color TV from Sears & Roebuck. And that was the end of that! Granted, they started coming over to watch Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman every Wednesday night, but they never asked for a dime again…or a quarter.

What I’m saying is, you need to invest your money into something, tie it up so that they know it’s not accessible to either lend or spend. Maybe buy yourself a chameleon farm, they’re quiet creatures that blend in with all sorts of shit, you’ll never know they’re there.

Take care, Melanie. And let me know if I can ever help ease your financial burden.

Kim

 

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Free Advice Friday! Dear Kim, Summer is here…what the hell am I going to do with my kids?

May 31, 2013 Written by One Classy Motha

 

Dear Kim,

My kids are getting out of school soon,any helpful advice or ideas for kids’ summer fun? I have 2 boys and 1 girl, and they’re very active!

Thanks!

Brenda in Bored, USA

P.S. – We don’t have much family around so that’s not an option.

 

Dear Brenda,

You certainly have come to the right place!

I don’t know how long you’ve been reading my blog, but last year I set out on a personal mission to entertain my kids (and consequently the neighbors’ kids) for a entire week! That’s right Brenda, I single handedly created activities for 5 children and actually interacted with them for 5 full days, between the hours of noon-ish & 2pm. I called our program Camp Cheapo. Our mascot was a Toyota hubcap we found while on our Starbucks sponsored nature walk. We named him Rusty.

If you want to know more about Camp Cheapo, kindly look on my left sidebar (<—-) and you’ll see a category box. Simply select “notes from Camp Cheapo” and you can read all about my successes and failures in great detail. But for the purpose of today’s post, I’m going to highlight some of our favorite activities, along with some changes I’ll be implementing this year.

Brenda, what I failed to recognize last summer was a child’s need for predictability and routine – my “Sooo, what do you guys want to do now?” itinerary resulted in some poor decisions:

So this year’s Camp Cheapo schedule is going to be well planned and look something like this (feel free to print this out):

9:oo am – Breakfast Scavenger Hunt (minus the clues) – make your children a large breakfast and hide it around the house (ex. bacon in the shower, Pop Tart in the toy box, etc.) While they’re searching for food, you can enjoy your coffee.

10:00 am – Visit Walmart and the Dollar Store for all of your supplies. No need to get dressed just yet.

12:00 pm – (That’s right, it’s noon already. What? You really think you can get your kids to the store and back before noon?) Return home and get everyone dressed in crappy clothes or swimsuits.

Noon-ish – Have your children gather their friends ( I recommend no more than 5 children for every 1 adult…more than that and you’re their bitch).

12:30 pm – (insert messy activities here) ideas include:

 

BODY PAINTING (I think she painted her legs to match her mood)

 

 

MAKING DIARRHEA-LIKE GOOP

 

SHAVING CREAM FIGHT (*note: Menthol really burns the eyes…but it smells the best)

 

GUMMY WORM RETRIEVAL CONTEST (you will want to barf)

 

 

PRETEND LAWN PEEING (the boys came up with this one)

WATER BALLOON FIGHT (warning: it’ll take you hours to fill them and only seconds to use them. It’s as rewarding as making a gourmet dinner for your dog)

 

 

12:45 pm – take them to the neighborhood pool, put a life vest on the non-swimmers, and tell them to meet you at the car at 2pm (or later if they let you read your Vogue)

Brenda, I hope I’ve given you some ideas, though they’ll probably only last you about an hour. But don’t despair, I’m currently collecting ideas on my Pinterest board, cleverly titled “Camp Cheapo”. If you have an account you can follow me by clicking here.

Additionally, my friend Leslie over at In The Powder Room has a few brilliant ideas that she’s developing (child laborish, shhh), I suggest you check her out too!

Have a great summer and whatever you do DON”T go camping…unless it’s in an air conditioned cabin with a minibar, coffee maker, and sign that says “Embassy Suites”.

Kim

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Free Advice Friday! A Mother’s Day Edition

May 10, 2013 Written by One Classy Motha

Dear Kim,

Mother’s Day is this weekend, and my family wants to spend the whole day with me. While many mothers would enjoy that, I kinda want my husband to take care of the kids and let me have the whole day to myself. You see, I’m a stay at home mom, and having some time to myself would be my ideal gift. How do I tell my family this without hurting their feelings?

Thanks,

Agnes

 

 

Dear Agnes,

Several years ago, I too was faced with a similar dilemma. That’s when I developed the Better MOMS weekend.

For a fee (it’s really quite large), I’ll pick you up in the used Merry Maids vehicle I bought at an auction, and whisk you away to the spa of your choice. But don’t fret Agnes, using my cleverly crafted Better MOMS brochure, your family will think you’re at a Holiday Inn attending a horrendous weekend full of cooking, cleaning, and child rearing classes, all in an effort to be a “better mom”. Little do they know Better MOMS stands for “Better Method Of Maintaining Sanity”.

Agnes, having run this scam for several years now, I’ve thought of everything. First of all, all financial transaction will be filtered through me; all of your spa treatments, drinks, and comedy show tickets will appear on your credit card as “One Classy Motha, inc.”. No, I’m not incorporated, but I found a loophole, the “inc” is short for incognito…because that’s what you’ll be, Agnes. That reminds me, upon pickup, you’ll be given a undercover name like Tigress, Luscious, or One Who Doesn’t Do Dishes. Mine is Candy Ass.

In addition to money laundering, during your trip I’ll send home customized letters to your family, updating them on everything you’re learning. In order to successfully pull this off, prior to your trip, I’ll send you a questionnaire asking you about your family: their names, ages, interests, and dislikes. The food dislikes are key here. Everything they hate will be things you’ll claim to be learning. This way you won’t be asked to replicate anything once you return home. Example, your husband hates seafood? Guess what? All our recipes involve shrimp or tilapia. Vegetarian? We spent the whole weekend BBQ-ing pork. Lactose intolerant? We learned to churn butter.

As for cleaning, every enrollee will return home with a gift certificate good for a year of Merry Maids service! Of course, you’ll have paid for this in your fee.

And child rearing? I’ll send you back with stickers, lollipops, and iTunes gift cards…basically an arsenal of bribery material that is compatible with all ages and maturity levels.

Agnes, I wish you had reached out to me sooner as it’s too late to enroll for the 2013 weekend. But if you’re interested in the 2014 weekend, let me know soon and I’ll get a brochure right out to you. Oh, and I require 100% payment up front- I’ve been burned before, Agnes.

Have a wonderful weekend with your family. I’ll think of you while nestled in my seaweed wrap.

Kim

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Free advice Friday! Imaginary Friends

April 5, 2013 Written by One Classy Motha

 

Dear Kim,

My 3 year old daughter has an imaginary friend named Macy Jo. It wouldn’t bother me, but recently she’s been blaming Macy Jo for things that she’s done. And on top of that, she throws tantrums when I put her in time out and not Macy Jo. She says Macy Jo doesn’t like me. What should I do?

Please help!

Ima in Imaginary Hell

 

 

Dear Ima,

Look Ima, I’m no child psychologist, and what I advise might create some trauma that might require therapy when she’s older, but here it is anyway: break that friendship up! However, before you do, make sure that Macy Jo is really an imaginary friend and not a ghost. No, really- because if she’s a ghost and you start talking smack about her…well shit might get all Amityville up in there and I won’t be coming to dinner.

All I’m saying is, don’t assume that she’s making this person up without some sort of investigation. Ima, let me tell you a story about what can happen when you take things at face value (spoiler: I save the day)…

I used to work with this really nice guy named Larry. Poor Larry was going through a real rough patch. He came home one day to find that his wife Gladys had packed up all the TV’s, her Precious Moments figurines, their poodle Sassy, and ran away to Clearwater, Florida with their dry cleaner Bernie. How did he know where she went? Well, she was kind enough to leave him a note written on the back of a “10% off your Dry Cleaning” coupon. While thoughtful, the discount was of little consolation to Larry.

With no wife, no dog, no TV, the house was very lonely and quiet. Not long after his wife left him, Larry confided in me that he was hearing voices, but only when he was home alone. I asked him what they were saying to him, but he said that they seemed to be talking only to one another, mostly arguing and bickering. Understanding the trauma he’d been through, I suggested that he talk to someone, a therapist. And so Larry saw a doctor by the name of Wong, Dr. Wut Wong.

Dr. Wong tried everything, from stress reduction techniques to medications, but Larry still heard the voices when he was home. Finally, the doctor suggested that Larry check himself into a mental institution for a month and work on his “issues” through a combination of drug, individual, group, equestrian, and macaroni art therapy. Desperate, Larry agreed.

The morning he was to be admitted, he woke up and heard the voices. After his shower, he heard the voices. As he packed his suitcase, he heard the voices.

“LEAVE ME ALONE!”, he screamed.

Then he went into the basement to turn down the water heater, and he heard the voices again…only this time they were louder. And in the dark basement, across the room, he saw what appeared to be a glowing red eye staring back at him! He frantically reached for the light switch, flipped it on…and saw Gladys’…………old clock radio tuned to WNPR Talk.

“DAMN YOU, GLADYS!!! GOD DAMN YOU!!!”

So, how did I save the day? I’m the one who told Larry to turn his water heater down before leaving the house, that’s just homeowner’s 101 right there. Yes, you could argue that I’m also the one who told him to see the therapist, but whatever- it all worked out.

Ima, it boils down to this, I need you to make sure Macy Jo isn’t a ghost, or a radio, before I waste my time in giving you some bad advice. I’m not having that happen twice!

 

I’ll be waiting to hear from you,

Kim

 

P.S. I don’t perform exorcisms.

 

 

 

 

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