پاکستان میں Mostbet com ویب سائٹ ملاحظہ کریں، اور آپ یقینی طور پر کھیلوں پر شرط لگانے یا آن لائن کیسینو میں کھیلنے کے لیے یہاں واپس آنا چاہیں گے۔ کھیلوں کے شائقین کو ایونٹس کے ایک بڑے انتخاب، مختلف پروموشنز اور بونسز، مفت بیٹس، مفت گھماؤ اور زیادہ مشکلات تک رسائی حاصل ہے۔ اور کھیل کو مزید آسان بنانے کے لیے، ہم نے ایک موبائل ایپلیکیشن تیار کی ہے جسے آپ آسانی سے اپنے فون پر انسٹال کر سکتے ہیں۔

A Signed Book Giveaway!!!! What Would Quinoa Say?

Here’s an excerpt from an email I recently received:

 

fashion letter
FINALLY! Someone has finally recognized the panache with which I dress my children! About time.

 

wcp242
Just another Saturday on the asphalt catwalk.

 

Encouraged by Valerie’s belief in my god-like sense of style, I immediately began work on a kids’ fashion-backward clothing line.

 

Knowing that I wanted it to be eco-friendly and knowing that I wasn’t about to put a bra on to leave the house, I was able to source most of my materials from the recycling bin located in the back of our garage, next to the chemical fertilizer and under the “Monsanto for President!” signs. I then constructed a few sample dresses from the “non-wine stained” pile, and Trash 2 Sass was born!

 

After a frustrating photo shoot with Ana, I sent the pics to my friend’s Well-Dressed Imaginary Daughter, Quinoa, for feedback.

 

If you don’t know who Quinoa is then you’ve obviously been living under a pile of laundry with limited internet access. Seriously. Quinoa is only the most fashionable toddler ever, first taking Pinterest by storm…then the world, in her new book “How to Quinoa: Life Lessons from My Imaginary Well-Dressed Daughter”.
how to quinoa1
“Based on the wildly popular Pinterest board, My Imaginary Well-Dressed Toddler Daughter,How to Quinoa will take you on a tour of high fashion hilarity with snapshots and stories from the life of the world’s most influential toddler, plus tips and best practices to transform your own life and wardrobe from snore to roar. Quinoa will show you how to do every thing from raising a superior child to securing a compatible BFF. And from finding your own path to designer happiness to practicing on-trend hobbies like drinking flavored lemonades from mason jars. So, ask yourself this: Are you ready to Quinoa?” Amazon.com
*FYI – Do your kegels before reading this or you may just piss your pants.

 

Quinoa is the brain child (literally) of my friend and author, Tiffany Beveridge. Like really, Tiffany is my friend. Ok, maybe we’re not “our periods are in sync” friends, but we frequently hang out bra-less, and that requires a certain level of comfort, at least on my part.

 

Anywhoo, I sent her my fashion pics and crossed my fingers. This was Quinoa’s response:

 

It’s not uncommon for people to seek Quinoa’s advice for their back-to-school wardrobe. In fact, it shows a certain level of acumen, so Quinoa applauds you for reaching out.

 

News You Can Use:photo (51)
Quinoa loves this nod to the struggling newspaper industry with a simple newsprint shift dress. The cerulean belt is a nice touch. However, Quinoa recommends moving away from the obituary and crossword sections and more towards front page news (a financial scandal story, if possible). The Pop Tart shoes are an interesting choice. And by interesting, Quinoa means wrong. Paper should never be paired with cardboard.

 

It’s In the Bag: photo (50)
As someone who is continually surrounded by a staff of stunningly beautiful mannies and au pairs, Quinoa understands developing innocent crushes on the help but these feelings should be trapped inside. What good could come from splaying your feelings across your chest? This completely gives away the upper hand and before you know it, that “babysitter” you “love” will be asking for things like minimum wage and holidays off. This simply can’t happen. Quinoa recommends destroying the dress and all evidence of its existence.

 

Oh, Quinoa, your advice never lets me down! It never quite builds me up either…

 

Now here’s the exciting part for you, dear reader…I’m giving away a copy of “How to Quinoa: Life Lessons from My Imaginary Well-Dressed Daughter”!

 

But wait, there’s more! Because Tiffany is my BFF (Bra-less Friend Forever), she’s offered to sign the book with a personal message to the winner! I shit you not.

 

Who's the most fashionable child ever? Quinoa! Win a signed & personalized copy! The winner will be chosen via Elefun (a battery-operated elephant)...no fancy rafflecopter here!

 

To enter the giveaway, all you need to do is leave a comment with a bit of fashion advice, like this, “If you have saggy boobs, always check their alignment, making sure both nipple are pointing forward.” Honestly though, nothing’s worse than a booby version of lazy eye.

 

Once I have your name, I’ll write it on a tiny piece of paper, stick it down Elefun’s trunk, and have my daughter catch the winner with her butterfly net on Wednesday, August 20th. Yes, it’ll be videoed for authenticity.

 

elefun2
Sadly, how I make all my life choices.

 

Ready, dress, go!

Tips for Tuesday – Never argue with your children over clothes again! Here’s how…

Up until last week, this is how my mornings would start…

(take a deep breath and click the link)

Every Damn Morning

I’m sorry if that video was sideways…it was before my coffee.

 

I don’t know if you have this problem but I’m sick of fighting over clothes with my daughter!  Getting her dressed every morning ruins my day before it ever begins.  And I’m pissed that I’ve spent so much money on things she won’t even wear because they itch, have annoying tags, they’re too long, too short, too tight, or too pink.  How is something too damn pink???

A friend of mine jokingly (I think) suggested throwing our kids clothes out of the car window, leaving them with nothing to wear. So I tried it.

Here’s today’s tip: Throw that shit out!

I think someone ran over Hello Kitty…that’s a shame.

Sure, you could donate the clothes to Goodwill but there’s something about throwing them out of a car window at 50mph that says, “I’m a crazy bitch, do you really want to mess with me?!!”  And isn’t that the kind of respect you deserve?

I told Ana that I wasn’t going to spend another dime on clothes or shoes until she learned to appreciate what she had (which at this point was nothing).  So we looked around the house…

Introducing a few styles from my new fashion line, My-Mom-is-F-ing-Crazy Couture.  (I thought about using the real “F” word but I wanted to keep it family friendly)

 

The “Paper Not Plastic” dress

Now here’s an everyday dress that’s sure to please.  It’s quite a juxtaposition- the brown bag says “I’m down to earth” while the heart design and ribbon ties say “but I’m a girly-girl too”. Don’t put this preschooler in a box!  That last part was inspired by her actually begging me not to dress her in a box. She’s my muse!

 

The “What’s Black, White, & Read all Over?”…You are!

She’s well read.

This dress is perfect for going to the DMV, the doctor’s office, the grocery store, basically anywhere with long lines or waits. It has crossword and sudoku puzzles on the front and horoscopes on the back, it will keep the family entertained for hours.  Pair this dress with Pop Tart box shoes to coordinate with the blue Painter’s Tape belt, gorgeous!

*Ironically, I noticed Ana’s horoscope said “You tend to see things in black or white.”

 

The “Bow Wow Wow!” Dress

This dress was designed for special occasions with its shiny surface and festive colors!  And what little girl doesn’t love doggies?  I chose to accent it with an aqua ribbon to bring out the blue in her eyes.  She’s wearing this for her school pictures. I’ll send you a wallet size.

Do you know, this morning, Collin had the nerve to complain about his track pants making a swishing sound. All I had to do was point to his sister wearing her dog food dress and he shut up and left the room.  That’s how you know it’s working.

Addendum:  Of course I didn’t really throw out my daughter’s clothes.  But guess what, that photos with the clothes scattered everywhere was not staged! That means some other frustrated mom did.  Hey, I get it lady, I get it.

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