How was your weekend? I hope it was a great one, filled with laughs, love, wine, wine, and wine. Sorry, I’ve been detoxing from crap for the last week, which means no alcohol. So instead of drinking, I’m dropping old wine corks in my tea like they’re sugar cubes.
Essence of Wine Tea – “When you don’t have time to lose your mind, but your ass is so huge, you’re laying off the booze”
How did my weekend begin? Glad you asked. Do you remember the time that I accidentally left Ana in the gym daycare and went home to eat eggs? (If not, you can read that story here– it’ll make you feel like a better parent. ) It was kinda like that.
Friday
Me at the playground with other moms:
Mom 1: Is Brian home today?
Me: yup, why?
Mom 1: I was just wondering who was getting Collin off the bus.
Me: Oh, that’s right, today’s a half day. I totally forgot. Thank goodness Brian works from home!
Mom 2: So I was telling my friend the other day…
(At this point, I get this bad feeling. Hmm, what is it I’m forgetting?)
Me: OH SHIIIITTTT! Brian went to his friend’s for March Madness!!!
I look at the clock and it’s 1:03pm, the bus drops him off at 12:56pm. Holy Shit!
I shove all of our stuff under my left arm, and with perfect timing, Ana shoots out of the curly slide. I throw her under my right arm and we take off running, like this…
Luckily my neighbor was home and rescued him from wandering around the driveway. Thank you, Tiffany!
Saturday
this happened…
So Collin and I went shopping for a new couch while Brian and Ana went to the moon-bounce place. Hey- that was Collin’s choice.
While shopping, I get this text from Brian…
Nice, real nice.
Sunday
The whole family went bowling, for the first time ever. Surprisingly, other than pulling a muscle in my ass & back, it was a success!
I asked Ana if she liked bowling and she said “No…I love it!” 
After bowling, Brian picked up a pizza and made me hold it on my lap all the way home. Way to be supportive of my detox.
smells…so…good
I don’t think he wants me birthing the baby in my ass.
So, what did you do this weekend? If it was “have chocolate martinis”, keep that shit to yourself.
