Up until last week, this is how my mornings would start…
(take a deep breath and click the link)
I’m sorry if that video was sideways…it was before my coffee.
I don’t know if you have this problem but I’m sick of fighting over clothes with my daughter! Getting her dressed every morning ruins my day before it ever begins. And I’m pissed that I’ve spent so much money on things she won’t even wear because they itch, have annoying tags, they’re too long, too short, too tight, or too pink. How is something too damn pink???
A friend of mine jokingly (I think) suggested throwing our kids clothes out of the car window, leaving them with nothing to wear. So I tried it.
Here’s today’s tip: Throw that shit out!
I think someone ran over Hello Kitty…that’s a shame.
Sure, you could donate the clothes to Goodwill but there’s something about throwing them out of a car window at 50mph that says, “I’m a crazy bitch, do you really want to mess with me?!!” And isn’t that the kind of respect you deserve?
I told Ana that I wasn’t going to spend another dime on clothes or shoes until she learned to appreciate what she had (which at this point was nothing). So we looked around the house…
Introducing a few styles from my new fashion line, My-Mom-is-F-ing-Crazy Couture. (I thought about using the real “F” word but I wanted to keep it family friendly)
The “Paper Not Plastic” dress
Now here’s an everyday dress that’s sure to please. It’s quite a juxtaposition- the brown bag says “I’m down to earth” while the heart design and ribbon ties say “but I’m a girly-girl too”. Don’t put this preschooler in a box! That last part was inspired by her actually begging me not to dress her in a box. She’s my muse!
The “What’s Black, White, & Read all Over?”…You are!
She’s well read.
This dress is perfect for going to the DMV, the doctor’s office, the grocery store, basically anywhere with long lines or waits. It has crossword and sudoku puzzles on the front and horoscopes on the back, it will keep the family entertained for hours. Pair this dress with Pop Tart box shoes to coordinate with the blue Painter’s Tape belt, gorgeous!
*Ironically, I noticed Ana’s horoscope said “You tend to see things in black or white.”
The “Bow Wow Wow!” Dress
This dress was designed for special occasions with its shiny surface and festive colors! And what little girl doesn’t love doggies? I chose to accent it with an aqua ribbon to bring out the blue in her eyes. She’s wearing this for her school pictures. I’ll send you a wallet size.
Do you know, this morning, Collin had the nerve to complain about his track pants making a swishing sound. All I had to do was point to his sister wearing her dog food dress and he shut up and left the room. That’s how you know it’s working.
Addendum: Of course I didn’t really throw out my daughter’s clothes. But guess what, that photos with the clothes scattered everywhere was not staged! That means some other frustrated mom did. Hey, I get it lady, I get it.
