پاکستان میں Mostbet com ویب سائٹ ملاحظہ کریں، اور آپ یقینی طور پر کھیلوں پر شرط لگانے یا آن لائن کیسینو میں کھیلنے کے لیے یہاں واپس آنا چاہیں گے۔ کھیلوں کے شائقین کو ایونٹس کے ایک بڑے انتخاب، مختلف پروموشنز اور بونسز، مفت بیٹس، مفت گھماؤ اور زیادہ مشکلات تک رسائی حاصل ہے۔ اور کھیل کو مزید آسان بنانے کے لیے، ہم نے ایک موبائل ایپلیکیشن تیار کی ہے جسے آپ آسانی سے اپنے فون پر انسٹال کر سکتے ہیں۔

One Classy Holiday Letter 2020

January 23, 2022 Written by One Classy Motha

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1… January 1st!


Glorious fireworks exploded before us as we stood on the oceanfront balcony of our Atlantis Resort suite.


“HAPPY NEW YEAR! I PREDICT 2020 IS GOING TO BE THE BEST YEAR EVER!!!” I shouted, adjusting my tiara and clearly forgetting my ability to jinx an entire planet. And my jinxing powers are legendary. Back in March 2018, I forced the family to visit Hawaii Volcanos National Park promising, “It’s perfectly safe!” Kilauea Volcano would erupt 49 days later, destroying hundreds of homes and changing the landscape forever. After examining the data, scientists would say, “It appears signs of trouble began mid-March.” So as resort guests continued to cheerfully ring in the New Year around us, the kids placed their party hats solemnly over their hearts and threw their noisemakers into the water below, giving our 2020 hopes and dreams a symbolic burial at sea. Brian recorked the champagne.


Upon our return home, I took crummy January as the perfect time to start the chemotherapy cream my dermatologist prescribed to treat my sun damaged face. Years of basting myself in a tanning solution made of 90% baby oil & 10% iodine kept me looking like a beautifully roasted turkey for most of the 90’s, but now it was time to pay the piper. I knew the cream would blister me up horrendously for about 8 weeks, but that was ok, come March I’d emerge like a fresh-faced butterfly from her cocoon, just in time for our dream trip to ITALY!

Bellissimo


February – Like all of our Februarys, it was spent hibernating and whining about the gloominess and non-Caribbean like temperatures. Despite being born and bred in the Northeast, Brian and I are not people built for this particular adversity, and we’ll never understand the excited Facebook posts of friends tagging themselves in outdoor activities featuring snow and requiring gloves: skiing, snowboarding, sledding, …building snowmen with their children. Yuck.


The one bright spot during those dark winter days was the planning of our trip to Italy. Venice, Florence, Rome! Pizza making, pasta making, wine tasting! The culture, the excitement, our first trip to Europe! As I pushed the “Confirm” button on our final payment, I announced to the family, “I PREDICT MARCH IS GOING TO BE AWESOME! IT’S THE BEST TIME TO GO TO ITALY!” Then I downloaded the Duolingo app, determined to learn Italian.


March – “Arrivederci, Italia.”


Not only did the United States cancel our trip of a lifetime, but our destination turned out to be the European epicenter for the Covid-19 pandemic. Thanks to my Duolingo app, I was able to tell the family of the terrible news in flawless Italian. Not that they understood, they hadn’t bothered to open the app.


Instead of fighting the crowds in Venice, I found myself fighting for toilet paper & disinfectant in the aisles of Costco. I thought back to those doomsday prepper shows. What would our family need to survive? Bulk quantities of top shelf vodka and Double-Stuf Oreos for sure. But what about real nutrition in the face of a possible food shortage? I tossed a year’s worth of canned chicken and tuna pouches in the cart, despite knowing the kids would rather turn to cannibalism.

Canned Chicken & Muscle Milk. No protein shortage in this house.

April – Ana turned 11 and celebrated it in true quarantine style, alone. Actually, we spent part of the day delivering individual cupcakes to friends’ homes and waiving from afar, then headed back home to Zoom with those friends and sing Happy Birthday. Then she shut the laptop and was alone. With us. Again. For the 38th day in a row. She’s expecting big things next April.

Party of one


May – We decided to change up the 4 walls we were staring at and headed to our beach house for the summer. There was so much more to do there without coming into contact with deadly germ-infested people. We hiked, biked, kayaked, played tennis, and golfed. In fact, I did all of that and painted 2 bedrooms in the first weekend alone! That’s how I ended up with two herniated disks in my neck. Silver lining – the pain was so intense that I lost my appetite for weeks and dropped the 10 pounds I gained in March and April.

Look at me smiling…my neck is about to go pop pop pop

June – Some of the quarantine restrictions were lifted and Collin was finally able to complete his driving lessons and get his license! He also bought his first car! And then…and then…he got his first speeding ticket! What a whirlwind 2 weeks that was! Despite our Covid concerns, we allowed him to return to his summer job at Candy Kitchen, but we eyed him suspiciously after every shift, knowing he could be a Corona carrier. The poor kid couldn’t so much as cough in the house without us calling him Superspreader and sending him off to gargle with Lysol.


July – Tired of crying on the couch in pain while my family enjoyed every outdoor activity without me, I finally made an appointment to get Cortisone shots in my neck. Because it involved a “major” body part and was being performed at a “surgical” center by a spinal “surgeon”, I felt it appropriate to tell my family that I was having major surgery and inform them of my final wishes “…should things take a bad turn”. Brian pointed out that it was actually a simple procedure and that I should stop scaring the kids. And I pointed out that if their sympathy had been more forthcoming, I wouldn’t need to take such drastic measures.


August – As the summer was winding down, we had a contractor begin renovations on our kitchen back home. The particle board drawers were crumbling and the laminate doors were peeling. Almost everything was being held together by either Gorilla Glue, crazy glue, or hot glue. Brian knew it needed to be done, and I told him August would be the best time to do it, we even received a quote back in the Spring, but he said he didn’t want to be involved. And I quote “I don’t want to be involved.” And so, I honored his wishes and never mentioned it again…I just went ahead and did it.

We were about 3 weeks into the renovation when I realized Brian mistook my tight-lipped silence as me having put the kitchen project on hold.

“Look,” he said, “I know you don’t want to hear this, but with Covid and how that might effect the economy, we should wait a couple years before redoing the kitchen. ”

“Oh, um, ok”, I replied.

Meanwhile, back home:

I was in a pickle, and he was in for quite a surprise. My mother had plans to turn her guest room into a storage room, but said she’d hold off in case I needed a place to lay low.


September – With Ana’s soccer and Collin’s football starting back up, we moved everything back home. The kitchen was beautiful, although Brian still didn’t want to talk about it. But I know he loves it. The kids started virtual school. Collin loves virtual 11th grade, as it provides many napping opportunities. Ana, however, needs other fellow 6th graders to talk to throughout the day. I can handle only so many Tik Tok discussions in a 24 hour period.


Collin and I had to appear in traffic court this month to answer for his June speeding ticket. I was ready for a judge to rightly throw the book at him, but that’s not how it went. Not at all. I watched as Collin, a man of few words, stood before the court and became an effective orator, capturing his audience by weaving a mastery of a story. This story had it all- semitrucks, rocks, tailgaters, an unsympathetic police officer, fear, love, loss. In the end, the overarching theme was one of self-preservation. After the applause died down, the judge taught him how to use the argument of Mitigating Circumstance and completely dismissed the citation. I walked out feeling both irritation and awe.


October – This entire month was spent either scheduling Covid tests, sitting in line for Covid tests or being in self quarantine for being a “Known Contact” of a suspected or confirmed Covid positive person. Ana’s soccer team was able to get in a few games and Collin’s football team managed to scramble around and find 4 other teams to play who weren’t in quarantine. I never thought I’d say this, but thank goodness for sports! It gave our kids (and us) a desperately needed sense of normalcy and comraderie, even if just for a little bit. Collin turned 17 on Friday the 13th (of course, 2020), and we hesitantly let him hang out with 3 friends gasp to celebrate. And then we observed him for 2 weeks for signs of the ‘rona and never let him out again.


November – November was a rinse and repeat of October, only colder. For Thanksgiving, it was only the 4 of us at the beach. The menu consisted of grilled burgers, zucchini, potato chips, jalapeno margaritas, and a pecan pie just to keep it traditional.


December – December has been October & November, only even colder and now darker. The kids’ sports are over, there’s no dining out, no holiday parties, no hanging out with friends, but hey, at least we have all this quality time with our family, right? Hahahahahaha. As I write this, we are at day 284 of 24 hours a day togetherness. I can assure you that our time ceased being “quality” somewhere around May. Half-played board games and unfinished jigsaw puzzles litter our dining room table, abandoned in a moment of “Oh my god, is this pandemic really still happening?!?!” Time is only measured in “quantity” now. HO HO HO.

I like to call this picture “How It’s Going: Virtual Schooling in a Pandemic”

I’d like to finish this letter by doing the world a favor, trying to fix what my family believes I started New Year’s 2020. Here it goes:


I PREDICT 2021 IS GOING TO BE THE WORST YEAR EVER!


I hope that worked.


As this year is coming to a close, we want to say thank you for being a part of our lives. Whether near or far, yesterday or yesteryear, you are always in our hearts. May your 2021 be filled with an abundance of love, laughter, health, and happiness, but not Covid.


Love,

Brian, Kim, Collin, and Ana

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One Classy Holiday Letter 2019

January 14, 2020 Written by One Classy Motha

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Happy Holidays!!! We hope you had a terrific 2019! We certainly did.

Determined to start the year off right, we vowed not to repeat last January’s theme of “Gluttony”. And by we, I mean me. I woke up the morning of January 2nd 2019, put down the garlic knots still clutched in my chubby little hands, and headed to the natural food market to pick up riced cauliflower & 99% fat-free turkey

While I was debating over which zucchini noodle might taste less like zucchini, Brian and the kids were hitting up every Acme within a 5-mile radius, in search of the elusive Most Stuf Oreo Cookies rumored to be making a debut. They found them. But in a lame show of dieting solidarity, Brian pledged to twist the top wafer off of every cookie and feed it to the dog instead of himself. I lost 4 pounds that month, Allie Oop gained 3, Brian lost 10.

In February, we bid adieu to all of our snow-loving neighbors and settled in to our yearly “tell me why we live here again” winter hibernation. With high speed internet and a full cord of 4-hr Duraflame Logs to keep us lukewarm, we had little reason to leave the house – except once, when the numbers fell off our mailbox and threatened the promptness of our pizza delivery. Not owning snow gear (completely on principle), I dressed in 10 layers of my heaviest lightweight clothing and went out and fixed it. Upon returning, the family seemed genuinely surprised that I had survived the deadly 30 degree temps, as was I.

My fingers froze and I was forced to abandon the tools. But I retrieved them in the spring.

My fingers froze and I was forced to abandon the tools. But I retrieved them in the spring.

We reemerged in March. Ana started spring soccer, and Collin made the high school tennis team despite having never played before. Naturally, we assumed the team had fairly low standards, but it turns out he’s a pretty good player. Who knew. Brian was awarded a work incentive trip for two to the super fancy island resort of Kiawah Island, SC. And FYI, it’s pronounced key-a-wah, not kie-a-wah like I called it throughout the entire trip. Not one southerner corrected me. They were probably too perplexed over who let the classless Delaware Valley girl on the island. Ordering all those glasses of “wooder” couldn’t have helped my social standing.

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Before flying back to Philadelphia, we spent a night in Charleston. We absolutely loved the town, but the hotel…oh my. Judging by the artwork and décor, I’d say the designer of the Grand Bohemian Hotel in Charleston was on an extended acid bender. When we got to our room, located at the end of a disorienting hallway, I threw open the curtains and gasped. Our window was literally part of an indoor art gallery. Literally. There was no mention of this at check-in. The free continental breakfast, yes, but not this. I just sat on the bed stunned as hotel guests gathered around to watch Brian respond to work emails, no doubt wondering when “living art” became so mundane.

I know you think I’m exaggerating.

I. AM. NOT.

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And can we just zoom into the room and acknowledge the evil painting overlooking our bed…

Home Sweet Home

Home Sweet Home

For Spring break, we packed up the car and headed south to catch a Disney Cruise out of Port Canaveral, FL. Between the stops along our route and the cruise ports, it was an eventful trip. We ate in Savannah, shopped in Hilton Head, visited Ron Jon in Cocoa Beach, trampolined in Cozumel, swam with stingrays in the Caymans, zip lined in Jamaica, went to the Disney water park in Orlando, walked the boardwalk in Jacksonville, and had Easter dinner in a Lumberton, North Carolina hotel room, because nothing says “Christ is Risen!” like a McDonalds Happy Meal and gas station wine.  Ana turned 10 during that awesome trip, yet somehow felt cheated out of a birthday party.

On Easter, they should call it a Hoppy Meal

On Easter, they should call it a Hoppy Meal

When May arrived, we could almost taste the summer. I began working on my 2019 margarita recipe, Brian bought a new copper mug for his Moscow Mules, Collin returned to work at Candy Kitchen, and Ana finally got us to throw her a birthday party at the Delaware Humane Association. I’m proud to say we returned home without adopting an animal. When your dog destroys your lawn and your cat considers her litter box to be more of a suggestion than a requirement, your heart tends to harden.

In June, Collin and I took an 8-hour water safety course at the local Fire Hall and walked out with our Boating Certificate. During those 8 hours, we received exactly zero instruction on how to actually drive a boat, but thanks to a slide show on life preserver buoyancy, we can now walk confidently into any boat rental place and high-speed a 25 footer out of there within minutes. You know what that course really taught me? The ocean is vast, and brimming with clueless boaters like us.

By July, with the kids out of school for the summer, we were living full time at our beach house, The Ship Show. The weather was always warm, the sun was always high, Ana was always bored, Collin was earning coin at Candy Kitchen, and Brian, myself, & the dog enjoyed cocktails every evening on the deck.

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Seriously, come 5 o’clock, Allie will spit out any ice cube that wasn’t soaked in premium Grey Goose. It’s the damnest thing.

A Muttgarita

It was more of the same in August, until the last week when it was time to return up north. Booo. We packed up our summer clothes, cleaned out the refrigerator, and put the kayaks away. Collin said goodbye to his Candy Kitchen manager, who then gifted him with the traditional and always appropriate “Thank You for Your Service” 6-inch switchblade. Watching him use the lawnmower makes me nervous, but thanks for the spring-loaded knife, Susan.

In September, Ana entered 5th grade and Collin became a sophomore. Ana started with a new soccer team, where she’s absolutely thriving! Collin joined Varsity Football where he, unfortunately, faced many physical setbacks throughout the season. He sprained his ankle, dislocated his finger, bruised his kidney, and somewhere in one of those waiting rooms, contracted pink eye. But he never gave up. He showed up to practice every day, even the weeks he couldn’t play, doing whatever he could to help his team. As Brian always says, “There’s no ‘I’ in TEAM.”  But there is an M & E, so that’s a dumb saying.

Just one of the many medical establishments we frequented this fall.

Just one of the many medical establishments we frequented this fall.

In October, Collin turned 16 and got his learner’s permit. I was a nervous wreck, still am, but the breakneck speed at which he takes dangerous turns suggests he’s a very confident driver. And when he asks, “Which one is the brake again?” and revs the accelerator to narrow down the choices, I remind myself that our medical deductible has been met, so out-of-pocket expenses won’t be a concern again until January 2020. Also, I started drinking more.

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November was a very exciting month for both Ana and Collin’s teams. Ana’s soccer team finished first place in their division, and Collin’s football team made school history! Prior to this season, his football team was one of the lowest ranking schools in the state, but under the leadership of a new and inspirational coach, they ended the season 10-2 and made it all the way to the semi-finals of the state playoffs! *I had to ask Collin these details because I’m not very sportsy, hence the ME in TEAM.

We’ve been very busy this December. Not so much with Christmas (thank you, Amazon Prime), but with squirreling away non-perishables & DVRing episodes of HGTV’s Caribbean Life, preparing for the long winter ahead. If you happen to see us out and about between January and March, odds are we’re either foraging for food or seeking medical treatment. Come say hello, we’d welcome the human interaction.

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As this year is coming to a close, we want to say thank you for being a part of our lives. Whether near or far, yesterday or yesteryear, you are always in our hearts. May your 2020 be filled with an abundance of love, laughter, health, and happiness.

Love,

Brian, Kim, Collin, and Ana

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One Classy Holiday Letter 2018

December 23, 2018 Written by One Classy Motha

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Happy Holidays!!! I can’t believe another year has flown by! 

In an attempt to justify having two mortgages, we spent last New Year’s Eve at our beach house in front of a fire, hunkered down under too many blankets, and proceeded to eat copious amounts of food while sporting leisure wear with elastic waistbands. We didn’t know it then, but the gluttony of that evening would set the tone for the rest of the year. I can only hope next year’s holiday letter starts off with our family’s favorite Paleo recipe and our cult-like obsession with CrossFit.

February was exactly like January, only colder. And despite knowing it would spell certain doom for our planet, we spent every day collectively yearning for an acceleration to global warming. Ideally, we’d like to feel like we’re in Florida without actually moving to Florida.

In March, Brian was awarded a work incentive trip to Hawaii!!! We unbundled the children and told them the good news, “Kids, you’re going to see the sun again!” After a grueling 13-hour flight (I’ve had babies in less time), we spent a week driving around the entire Big Island of Hawaii. And let me tell you this, Hawaii is beautiful but deadly. On our drive we encountered several signs: Danger! Falling Rocks, Heavy Fog for the Next 8 Miles (and yes, we couldn’t see for 8 miles), Banana Virus Quarantine (OMG. Had we eaten bananas?), Slippery Rocks. Climb At Your Own Risk. People Have DIED, and my favorite, a sign on the public beach that read, “WARNING! Former Military Training Area. Unexploded Grenades May Be Present”. Needless to say, we did not encourage the kids to dig for sand crabs.
sign

By the time we arrived at Volcanoes National Park to see Hawaii’s Kilauea Volcano, Ana was so traumatized that she refused to get out of the car. She had to be pulled from the vehicle yelling, “It’s going to explode!!!!”  We told her to stop being so dramatic.

volcano                                                                                                      

It exploded 49 days later.  

According to the Smithsonian:

“The eruption has forced the evacuation of thousands of people, and 700 homes have been destroyed by lava flow. Clouds of toxic “laze,” which is formed when blazing lava hits the ocean water, posed an acute health threat. Much of Hawaii Volcanoes National Park, which has been hit by 18,000 earthquakes in the past month alone, has shut down.

I still say she was being overly dramatic.

In the beginning of April, Ana had a palate expander put in her mouth in preparation for braces. It’s basically a modern-day dental torture device that spaces her baby teeth farther and farther apart with every crank. She hated it, but adjusted quickly. On the 20th, she turned 9. Her party was held at the roller rink and, in lieu of gifts, she asked her friends to bring canned dog food to be donated to a local animal rescue. I was so proud of her selflessness. And at the end of a fun but exhausting day, I smiled at my kind-hearted, animal-loving girl and she smiled back, sliding a slice of birthday cake between her two front teeth.

Ahh yes, May.

“There is one thing stronger than all the armies in the world, and that is an idea whose times has come” – Victor Hugo

And on Memorial Day, the time had come to debut my 15 ft x 12ft x 10 ft inflatable pink flamingo raft. Collin, understandably nervous, helped me inflate it, while Brian hid indoors and Ana went to gather her friends. We then docked it next to my neighbor’s fancy boat, creating the most wonderful juxtaposition on the water – Class vs Trash.

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We loaded it up with bottled water, sunscreen, life preservers, kayak oars, neighborhood kids, and after tethering it to the dock with 50 feet of rope, we set sail. After about 5 uneventful minutes, we got bored and someone yelled, “CUT THE ROPE!” (it could have been me) and so I did. That’s when we discovered that kayak oars are about as useful as wet noodles when trying to steer a thousand pounds of floating poultry. Despite our frantic paddling to reach the dock, the current took us in the opposite direction. Neighbors, who had originally come out to take incriminating pictures to present at the upcoming homeowners meeting, soon realized we needed rescuing. Ropes were thrown, along with curses, and we were pulled in. Her maiden voyage lasted all of 15 scary minutes. She was then deflated and packed away, as were my dreams for her.

In June, Collin started his first job at Candy Kitchen! We were so proud of him! It just so happens that Candy Kitchen was my first job at the beach, and I regaled him with stories, including the time I lost a red Lee Press-On Nail in the Swedish Fish. He said he already heard that story from management and added, “You’re the reason we have to wear food safety gloves. Thanks a lot.” I’m also the reason they need a doctor’s note when calling out on Memorial Day weekend with claims of being in a coma. But I kept that to myself.

Most of July was spent at the beach. I can’t remember the kids doing anything of significance, but I know for a fact that Brian perfected his margarita recipe, complete with fresh lime juice. You know how a cat comes flying at the sound of a can opener? That’s me when he starts up the juicer, running from anywhere in the house at breakneck speed. It’s probably the only fitness program that I have any chance of sticking with.

In August, Brian and I went back to one of our favorite resorts for our 17th anniversary, the Rosewood Mayakoba in Playa Del Carmen.  I wish I could tell you we did something exciting like zip-lining or scuba diving but the truth is, that vacation was a competition to see who could do nothing the longest. We both won.

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Just before Labor Day, Ana entered 4th grade and Collin started high school. Ana LOVES her teacher and classmates, recess is her favorite subject, pigs are her favorite animal, and she’s still tearing it up on the soccer field. Collin joined the high school football team and stands at 5’11”. That’s all I know about him as he only dispenses information on a need-to-know basis. We’re starting to suspect he considers us a source of embarrassment.

In September our master bathroom was renovated. Despite walking around a 6ft double vanity, stacks of subway tile, and chrome plumbing fixtures sitting in the middle of our living room for 3 months, Brian seemed completely caught off guard by this project. But to be fair, I may have led him to believe the living room was just a very elaborate three-dimensional vision board – I know how he hates change.

October was nothing but football and soccer. Collin turned fifteen and went to his first Homecoming dance – we took formal pictures in the new master bathroom as it’s now the best room in our house.

Whenever there wasn’t a football or soccer game in November, we snuck away to the beach. Unfortunately, this caused us to miss our neighborhood block party, which was a rare opportunity to find out why our neighbor no longer speaks to us.  We don’t doubt we did something to deserve it, it’s just the not knowing which thing we did that’s killing us. Unlike our beach neighbors, where we’re fairly certain it was the flamingo debacle.

*If you’re reading this letter you aren’t that neighbor. So, do me a favor, don’t call and offer to tell me why you hate us.

In December, our homeowner’s insurance paid to replace our dilapidated, untreated cedar roof due to “wind damage”. We were thrilled! For once, mother nature and complete owner neglect conspired together to work in our favor. Now we just need a little tornado debris to break every crappy window in our home…

As far as Christmas preparations go, it’s December 21st and the tree is up but not decorated, unopened Amazon Prime boxes litter our house, and I still haven’t sent out our holiday cards. It’s going swell.

As for gifts, this year I’m just going through everyone’s rooms collecting and rewrapping last year’s presents that were never touched.  Shhh…someone’s about to get flash cards for the third time.

As this year is coming to a close, we want to say thank you for being a part of our lives. Whether near or far, yesterday or yesteryear, you are always in our hearts. May your 2019 be filled with an abundance of love, laughter, health, and happiness.

Love,

Brian, Kim, Collin, and Ana

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One Classy Holiday Letter, 2017!

August 27, 2018 Written by One Classy Motha

Happy Holidays! It’s December, and I bet you’re thinking to yourself “Wow, this year really flew by!” Yeah, not so much for me. Turns out getting a puppy in the cold darkness of January and sleeping only 4 hours a night until June-ish, makes for a pretty drawn out 2017.

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But things are good now. Allie Oop is 14 months old and such a sweetie! Whenever someone says ‘I want a puppy’, I no longer run away screaming, “NOOO, DON’T DO IT! ENJOY YOUR LIFE!”  Now I just run away.

In February, we found a sitter for the dog and actually ventured out of the house to eat at Fogo de Chao in Philly and to take in a show.

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I couldn’t tell you the name or theme of the show, but I can tell you that Fogo de Chao’s all-you-can-eat salad bar has a wheel of aged Parmesan the size of an end table! And they let you shave as much off as you want! No Off-Broadway production has ever moved our family to tears quite like that hunk of cheese did.

We tried going outdoors in March, but the weather wasn’t ready yet.

In April, we went to an all-inclusive resort in Punta Cana for Spring Break. Before leaving, I read that the resort was known for high pressure timeshare tactics and that we should avoid the sales people with their promise of spa services in exchange for listening to a pitch. I wasn’t concerned because the Sweds would never fall for that! Yet, just twenty-four hours after landing, there we were, holding two FREE FACIAL vouchers and proud members of a Holiday Vacation Club. Coincidentally, Ana turned 9 that week, so we handed her the contract and said “Happy Birthday!” since we could no longer afford a gift.

View from the negotiation tactics room.

View from the negotiation tactics room.

Day 2 of that trip had us in a “what have we done?” stupor. Day 3 was googling HOW TO GET OUT OF A TIMESHARE and learning all about International Consumer Law. On Day 4, suffering from regret and sleep deprivation, I returned to the cattle room filled with other suckers and demanded a refund. I was quickly rushed into a small, dimly lit backroom where I engaged in some broken Spanish Federal Law smack talk. It was intense, and at times I wondered if my dead body would float or sink when they threw it in the ocean. But to my surprise, 45 long minutes later we were refunded our full purchase price and I was set free. Days 5 & 6 were used for drinking and reflecting. Day 7 we decided to buy a beach house and never leave the country again.

May was all about looking for a beach house on Realtor.com and cheering on the return of warm weather.

In June, Brian was awarded a work incentive trip for 2 to an all-inclusive resort in…wait for it…PUNTA CANA. I smiled when he told me, but I wanted to cry. What if we bought another timeshare? Worse yet, what if I agreed to be someone’s drug mule, swallowing balloons of cocaine for a free French Manicure and eyebrow wax? In light of our previous trip, this was now plausible. But free is free, and so we went. Thankfully, we only made eye contact with the bartenders and we had a great time!

That month, we also took Collin to his first real concert to see U2!!! Brian purchased General Admission tickets so we could get as close to the stage as possible. Collin loved it! But he requested that next time we buy seated tickets, allowing him to relax with his snacks. Kids these days…

In July, we bought the perfect beach house for our family. As ‘cold weather intolerant’ people, better suited for living on the equator than in the Mid-Atlantic, we’re forced to pack in all outdoor activities between June and Mid-October. And that’s what we did this summer. Lots of crabbing, swimming, kayaking, and walking. And, oh the bike trails! Compared to hilly Pennsylvania, the flat biking trails of the Delaware shore are a dream. In fact, we felt safe enough to take the training wheels off Ana’s toddler-sized bike, and it turns out she can ride. Probably could for YEARS. “Look ma, no hands!”

The beginning of August was spent drinking fresh-squeezed margaritas on the beach at dusk while watching Collin skim board and Ana dig deep holes up to her neck. But then I read several horror stories about sand collapsing in on people, so by the end of August she was relegated to digging a thousand shallow holes up to her ankles. Not as much fun, but safer and takes just as long.

Digging to China

"Remember the time mom let us almost die?!" - My kids 20 years from now.

“Remember the time mom let us almost die?!” – My kids, 20 years from now.

In September, Ana started travel soccer and Collin began his second year of middle school football. And just like that, our lives became hectic again.  Fun, but hectic. It was this month that we also had to put down our old 3-legged dog, Buddy. I’ll admit, Buddy wasn’t the best family dog. He was a grumpy canine who had little interest in anyone that wasn’t ‘Kim’. But I miss the little guy. And when I’m feeling particularly sad, I like to keep his memory alive by re-telling stories about the time he bit everyone in the family except for me.

I miss you Buddy! ...no one else does, so you were right to bite them.

I miss you Buddy! …no one else does, so you were right to bite them.

In October, Collin turned 14, Allie Oop turned 1, and we took a trip to Florida. It was the first time the kids flew Southwest Airlines and Ana is still raving about it. Not only did the flight attendant make balloon animals but, as Ana said holding up the barf bag printed with the words FOLD DOWN TWICE AND SECURE WITH TWIST TIE, “They even have crafts!”.

Art is everywhere you look!

Art is everywhere you look!

That week was spent visiting family and trekking around Disney World. We also attempted to go to Universal Studios but only got as far as buying the tickets. Can you believe our credit card was charged $759 for 4 one-day passes!?!? It cost SEVEN HUNDRED AND FIFTY-NINE DOLLARS! We walked in shock from the ticket booth to the ticket taker, stopping just 5 feet from his outstretched hand. Here was our crossroads. Brian and I stood motionless, staring at each other with pained expressions, both wondering how to justify this expense. And when Ana announced that she would NOT be going on any rides because “they’re scary”, I ran over to the customer service desk and began refund negotiations despite the “no refunds” sign. It was Punta Cana all over again. And like Punta Cana, we thankfully got our money back.

After I got our money back, I made them take a picture at the entrance anyway. They were not happy.

After I got our money back, I made them take a picture at the entrance anyway.  Technically, we were there. They were not happy.

With our beach trips officially over in November, Brian and I resumed our weekend date nights, which meant eating without children at every good BYOB in the area. Collin is finally old enough to babysit Ana at night, and they’re both more than happy to gorge on delivery pizza from Friday-Sunday. Life is good.

So far December has been spent minimizing our outdoor exposure and watching reruns of Caribbean Life on HGTV. Pretty unproductive. However, Allie’s been very busy. So far, she’s chewed up 5 harnesses, 4 Comcast remote controls, and finished off the couch that Mr. Bojangles started when he was alive. So, if you come to visit you might want to bring a folding chair.

We have managed to make a couple trips back to the beach this month. In fact, the family picture on our holiday card is from this year’s Bethany Beach Christmas Tree lighting. We took several ok pics in front of the tree, then we each voted on which one to use.  Ana lost.

IMG_5624 (1)

IMG_5624 (1)

For Christmas this year:

Ana wants either a chinchilla, a bearded dragon, or a chameleon (no, no, and no). And she wants you to put our card straight into your trashcan.

Collin wants an iPhone X (good luck, kid), sneakers, and Call of Duty (shh, I got him the next best thing, Call of DOODIE.)

I can't wait to make it ring as he's opening it. Hahaha! Maybe I really am the worst mother ever.

I can’t wait to make it ring as he’s opening it. Hahaha!
Maybe I really am the worst mother ever.

Brian wants nothing but love and devotion from his family…because “things cost money”

I want someone else to wrap the gifts.

Allie Oop wants a refill on couch pillows, she’s almost out.

Roxy the cat…well she’s still peeing outside the litter box, so not being at an animal shelter is her gift.

As this year is coming to a close, we want to say thank you for being a part of our lives. Whether near or far, yesterday or yesteryear, you are always in our hearts. May your 2018 be filled with an abundance of love, laughter, health, and happiness.

Love,

Brian, Kim, Collin, and Ana

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