Tired of the same old ‘do? Are your limb locks looking limp? Well, good news, I’m here to give you some much needed insp-hair-ation! Today, I’ve rounded up some of my favorite summer leg hairstyles, complete with “How To’s” so you can create the look at home and spice up your summer style!
1. The Maxi Dress
This leg hairstyle is super simple and says “I’m ready for summer fun, daytime or nighttime, ’cause with follicle maintenance on the back burner, I ain’t got nothing but time!”
How to Get the Look:
Step 1: Cultivate a “f@ck this bullshit” attitude.
step 2: Shampoo leg hairs.
Step 3: Blow-dry hair using fingers until it’s three-quarters of the way dry, then work in mousse from root to end, tousle and go!
2. The Capri
The Capri is a sassy summertime style for the woman who cares about the appearance of self-maintenance without all that pesky effort. Let your ankles scream “I’m sexy”, while leaving your calves plenty of time to watch Wheel of Fortune.
How to Get the Look:
step 1: Lather leg hairs.
step 2: Shave no more than 6 inches above the ankle.
Step 3: Apply a leave-in conditioner to the remaining hair, then blow-dry with a large round brush.
Step 4: Once hair is completely dry, run a styling cream through to separate strands creating a piece-y texture to prevent stiff hairs from poking through your polyester pants during book club.
step 5: Top the look off with peep toe shoes, painting only the toenails that show.
3. The Bermuda
For the woman who wants to feel super sexy…but only from the top of the shins down! This style will take you from school drop-off to a romantic dinner for five at Applebee’s!
How to Get the look:
Step 1: Lather leg hairs.
Step 2: Shave from the ankles to that place where you usually cut yourself (also known as the kneecap).
Step 3: Blow Dry.
Step 4: With a medium-barrel iron, curl small sections all over thighs, then break them apart with fingers to create a wavy, imperfect texture. Use a fine-tooth comb to tease at roots then smooth over and comb upward towards the vagina.
4.The Swimskirt
The “Swimskirt” because you’re more of a lawn boy than a bushwhacker
How to Get the Look:
Step 1: Lather legs.
Step 2: Put on some Sarah McLaughlin and guzzle a dirty martini.
Step 3: Pull out a brand new razor and shave until you’d rather be “…in the arms of an angel…”
Step 4: Blow dry using a diffuser.
Step 5: Divide the pubic region into a few large sections. Using your biggest curling iron on each ,hold the iron vertically and wrap sections down the barrel—starting at mid-shaft and working your way to the back.
Step 6: Use texturizing balm or wax to separate strands and control fly-aways.
5.The Bikini
Well, well, you smug son-of-a-bitch…you’re the reason my husband says ridiculous things like, “I hear most women don’t french braid their leg hairs.” and goes around dropping hints like, “For the love of all that is good and holy, can’t you PLEASE shave?!”
How to Get the Look:
Step 1: Check the calendar. Is it your anniversary and/or your husband’s birthday? If YES, than continue to Step 2. If NO…umm…are you sure you really want to do this?
Step 2: Making sure the bathroom is clear of *cats, get naked and stand in the middle of an empty tub.
Step 3: Apply generous amounts of Nair to all areas of the lower body, and set a kitchen timer for 10 minutes.
Step 4: While standing there naked, cold, and vulnerable, take this opportunity to reflect on any regrets or bad decision you’ve made in your lifetime (maybe this is one of them?). Now imagine pouring Nair over all of that negativity. Feel it burning along with your skin. Can you smell the bad energy leaving the room? Yes, it does smell an awful lot like sulfur and calcium thioglycolate.
Step 5: Rinse with cool water & pat dry. Now dry your tears.
Step 6: Apply baby powder between your thigh to keep from squeaking when you walk.
*accidentally remove their fur once, and they’ll shit every time they see you put lotion on. Trust me.
No matter which style you pick, make sure to ROCK IT! Now get out there and show the world what you’re made of! (in my case, wine & sarcasm)
