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You may or may not be aware that I’m currently on Day 10 of a 3 week detox/cleansing diet.  I don’t know if you’ve done one of these before, but basically it involves eliminating sugar, carbs, alcohol, chemical products, and all happiness from your life until you want to curl up in a ball and die.  But if you’re not dead at the end, you’ll supposedly have a “reset” body that’s poison free and no longer craves crap…until you junk it up all over again.  This is my second cleanse:(

Naturally, my biggest concern was giving up alcohol…you know, on account of Cheapo Wino Wednesday  (I know how you guys depend on me).  I almost cracked a couple of times, in the name of research, but I surprised myself (and Brian) by pouring a cup of tea and crying instead.  I CAN DO THIS!

“But what about the next two Wednesdays?” you ask, looking all sad and depressed.  Well lucky for you guys, I know some awesomely hysterical women that love them some wine, and they were gracious enough to throw back some of the cheap stuff for me.

Today’s wine selector/reviewer is the very funny, very clever Jenn at www.somethingclever2point0.com   She’s a mixture of piss your pants humor and whip your pants bitching (haha, I just made that phrase up.  I like it. I’m using it tomorrow.)  So if you haven’t read her blog yet, you need to head over…after reading this, of course 🙂

Take it away, Jenn….

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I don’t go out. Like, ever. But last Tuesday, my friend got a random email inviting her and a guest to a very exclusive wine tasting, and she thought of me! She’s now in my will. The tasting was catered by one of my favorite restaurants, and the reps from the wine distributer were very friendly, and very generous with their samples.

We did not spit.

As such, I couldn’t be sure that I really liked Rib Shack Red, or if I just thought I liked it because it was free, and it was my ninth sample. But I was fairly certain. We were told that this South African Pinotage-Shiraz blend (60/40, if you’re curious) was specifically designed to be paired with barbecue, but it also went well with pizza and burgers. So, yeah, it was made for me. And maybe I could even get my non-wine-drinking husband on board?

It was on special for $8.97, so I bought two bottles. I took one to my friends’ house, and once they were done poking fun at the name and complaining that I failed to bring any barbecue, they drank it and enjoyed it. I saved the second bottle to drink with some barbecue, as opposed to my usual pairing of string cheese and Cadbury Crème Eggs.

The next day, Kim asked me to review a cheap wine for her while she tortures herself for the sake of skinny jeans. Nice timing, Kim! So here you go, my Cheapo Wino Review…

 2011 Rib Shack Red $9.00-12.00 (or $4 if you live in South Africa)

Winemaker’s Tasting Notes:

I couldn’t find any. Here’s what they say on the back of the bottle, though:  “Why does Rib Shack Red go so well with meat? A bit like asking why men barbeque and women make salad – it’s just one of those things. Actually, maybe it’s because to barbeque is one thing and salad is a lot of things – guys keep it simple. Wine can also be simple, and should be. Rib Shack Red. Say it and you know what it’s going to taste like. Like a red wine should. Big and… deep and… er… ok, enough words. Just enjoy it and maybe best to keep it to yourself. Imagine telling another guy what you think of the wine… phew…”

Okay, so they’re sexist. And I eat like a man. Good to know, Douglas Green Wines.

I Googled around and learned that I’m supposed to taste “notes of bing cherry, a hint of coffee, a touch of dark chocolate, with a dollop of tar and tobacco rounded out with black pepper and a spicy, smoky barrel finish.” That sounds like the bottom of a trash can in a racist old man’s house. Why is he racist? I don’t know! He’s old. He grew up in a different time than us.

Jenn’s Tasting Notes:

I paired it with a pulled chicken sandwich and cucumber salad. Okay, so I guess I eat like a hermaphrodite. And hell yeah, it paired well! The spiciness of the wine countered the sweetness of the barbecue sauce nicely. I tasted tart apple and black pepper. And, um, let’s go with currants, too. I have no idea what a currant is, but it’s mentioned in every tasting notes for every wine ever, so I’m thinking currants just taste like wine.

The Husband’s Tasting Notes:

Again, he is not a wine drinker. I had him eat a bit of chicken first, which he proclaimed “not barbecue” because he’s part hillbilly on his mother’s side, and thinks that barbecue sauce is supposed to be yellow. He smelled the wine and said he already knew he wouldn’t like it. He tasted it, and his only note was “No.” When pressed for more information, he said it made him want to eat more barbecue. But only to get the taste out of his mouth.

In summary, Rib Shack Red is rad if you like wine, and radder if you also like (red) barbecue. But sadly, it will not turn a man into a wine drinker.

I give Rib Shack Red four pulled chickens (I like to imagine that they’re South African).