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Dear Kim,

I recently won a large amount of money through the lottery. At first I saw it as a blessing but now I feel like my friends and family are using me. Every other day, I receive a call or email from someone asking to “borrow” some money because they think I have it to spare. I want to put this money into savings and I don’t trust that anyone will repay me. I don’t know how to tell them this without ruining relationships. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Millionaire Melanie

Dear Melanie,

I know exactly what you’re going through, as something similar happened to me several years ago.

In 1994, I decided I wanted to start my own business, something that required low overhead, minimal skills, and almost zero human interaction. And that’s I how I came up with…

Dingleberry’s Litter Box Service

“We’ve got the scoop on poop!”

I traveled to my clients’ homes and cleaned out their cats’ litter boxes. The only financial investment I had to make was a used produce scale so I could charge by the ounce, and a logo designed by my cousin Eddie (it was a picture of my cat, Skittles, taking a dump while I enthusiastically held a scoop under him. It took 3 weeks and a lot of tuna to get that shot).

As it turns out, Melanie, the stereotype of old ladies owning a shitload of cats is absolutely true. Those crazy cat ladies were the bulk of my business, and I spent most of 1994 surrounded by them, drinking instant Sanka and listening to Elvis records.

Well, one day, while trying to scrape the sides of Snookum’s litter box (I hated that cat, he always crapped on the edge), I received a call from a lawyer.  Apparently, one of my clients had passed away and I was named in her will. Melanie, would you believe she left me her entire coin collection?!!! …pennies, nickles, dimes, quarters, even half-dollars!

But like you, once my family heard that I had thousands of cents in my pocket, they just assumed that I’d pay for everything- wishing wells, bubblegum machines, arcades games, you name it. If it had a coin slot, it was “Kim’s got this”.

So you know what I did? I went straight to the bank, handed the teller all my cents, and traded them in for crisp dollar bills. Then I took those dollar bills and bought a 24-inch color TV from Sears & Roebuck. And that was the end of that! Granted, they started coming over to watch Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman every Wednesday night, but they never asked for a dime again…or a quarter.

What I’m saying is, you need to invest your money into something, tie it up so that they know it’s not accessible to either lend or spend. Maybe buy yourself a chameleon farm, they’re quiet creatures that blend in with all sorts of shit, you’ll never know they’re there.

Take care, Melanie. And let me know if I can ever help ease your financial burden.

Kim

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