پاکستان میں Mostbet com ویب سائٹ ملاحظہ کریں، اور آپ یقینی طور پر کھیلوں پر شرط لگانے یا آن لائن کیسینو میں کھیلنے کے لیے یہاں واپس آنا چاہیں گے۔ کھیلوں کے شائقین کو ایونٹس کے ایک بڑے انتخاب، مختلف پروموشنز اور بونسز، مفت بیٹس، مفت گھماؤ اور زیادہ مشکلات تک رسائی حاصل ہے۔ اور کھیل کو مزید آسان بنانے کے لیے، ہم نے ایک موبائل ایپلیکیشن تیار کی ہے جسے آپ آسانی سے اپنے فون پر انسٹال کر سکتے ہیں۔

Tips for Tuesday- A Tampon Bird Feeder revisited

Remember last week, when I attempted the Tampon Bird Feeder but failed to consider its absorbency in the rain? Well, I’m not one to give up on a good idea, so I’ve made a few changes.

The Idea: This bird feeder just screams “Eco-Friendly”! Not only are you feeding the birds, but when the seeds are gone they can use the cotton for their nests!
 

 

 

What you’ll need:
Peanut butter
Bird seed
1 Tampon (not 15, that was waaay too many)
Knife
Forgiving neighbors
 

Breakfast of champions?

 
 
Step 1:Remove the tampon from its applicator. Remember, this is NOT a recycling project, use an unused tampon. I cannot stress this enough!

 
 
Step 2: Smear the peanut butter wherever you want the seeds to stick. I found that chunky peanut butter is a bitch to work with.
 

 
 
Step 3: Roll the tampon in the birdseed. I prefer to use the “No-Mess” seeds because the last thing you want under a hanging tampon is a mess.
 

Step 4: And here’s the big change…hang the feeder under an umbrella! It’ll stay dry and unexpanded for days!

 

 
*Idea: Hang one on every umbrella rib. Just imagine you and your guests dining under a canopy of tampon bird feeders!

Happy bird watching!

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The Weekend through Crappy Pics

Friday

I had eyelash extensions applied! That’s right kids, this is my birthday week so I wanted to do it up all fancy-like.

BOOM!

“When I blink, I want it to look like a million tiny spiders are doing ‘the wave’.” – One Classy Motha

By the way, before you start talking smack about me, my nails look like shit and I haven’t shaved my legs in a week, so I can’t be all that high maintenance.

Surprisingly, the kids were great and kept relatively quiet for the whole 1 hour appointment. It’s probably because I promised them a picnic in the park afterwards…without ever once mentioning that the food I bought was organic and vegan approved.

Unfortunately for him, I’m lazy and the ATM happened to be next to the health food store.

Saturday

I practiced Parasite Parenting at the neighborhood pool. (Parasite Parenting: Weaseling your kids into another family’s fun while you relax)

Sunday

This happened:

My poor baby girl woke up with a 101 degree fever (probably from that damn Host Family). Thank goodness it turned out to be the “I just want to lay in your arms and rest” fever and not the “I think I’m going to vomit all over your face” fever.

So I used the unexpected downtime to apply for an awesome writing job:

 

Dear Mr. Wallace,

I’m very interested in the Freelance Copywriter position available at XYZ (name protected so you don’t steal my job). When I read that you were looking for someone who is social media savvy, loves XYZ, has basic HTML experience, and is extremely professional, I almost crapped my pants! This job is right up my margarita soaked alley!

As the creator, editor, writer, and publisher of www.oneclassymotha.com, I meet all of your requirements and I can do them while wiping someone else’s ass. Now THAT’S multi-tasking.

I understand that you’re offering an hourly pay rate, and I expect that it’s probably pretty low. That’s ok, Mr. Wallace, money isn’t everything. Though, I would like to make enough to pay cash for my 3-legged dog’s anal gland surgery rather than taking out a loan. The last encounter with my bank, regarding their 2012 Community Pet Contest, was extremely humiliating. In my defense, the registration packet never indicated there wasn’t a talent portion…and besides, who doesn’t love Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” played with musical urine glasses? (true-ish story)

Poor guy, it took him all day to fill them. 

I’ve attached my resume and a sample of my writing for you to read at your leisure, preferably while drinking an alcoholic beverage (it might make you just loosey goosey enough to actually offer me the job).

Ok then, I’ll be desperately waiting to hear from you.

Sincerely,

Kim

www.OneClassyMotha.com

 

I’m feeling really good about this one, guys.

 

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Free Advice Friday! Negotiation Skillz!

Dear Kim,

Now that both my children will be in school full time, I plan to go back to work this fall. I recently started looking for a job. I noticed that you’re now expected to tell employers your asking salary instead of them telling you what the position pays. I’ve been out of the work force so long that I’m not sure I feel confident enough to ask for the salary I really want. How do I begin to build my confidence?

 

Gina in Meekington, MO

 

 

Dear Gina,

It seems to me that you need to get a set of balls! Honestly Gina, learning to juggle can do wonders for your self-esteem.

But if you don’t have a local Juggling/Circus school nearby (boo!), there are other ways to work on your confidence level.

What you really need to do is to practice your negotiating skills. Start small with interpersonal relationships: the babysitter wants $10.00 an hour, you offer $7.00, your husband wants sex, you say “not tonight but maybe tomorrow”, you’re getting a bikini wax, make her throw in a free upper lip. Trust me Gina, your confidence will build quicker than the dust on your sex toy collection!

Next, move on to negotiations within the corporate world. Gina, it’s imperative that you’re constantly on the look out for any opportunity that allows you to sharpen this skill. Take this sign, for example…

“A penny for your thoughts”

…and my subsequent letter to them:

 

Dear WSFS,

I rode by your bank the other day and noticed that you’re currently offering to pay your customers a penny for their thoughts. While I’m highly flattered that you would place any value on my thinking, I’m equally insulted by their estimated worth. A penny? For ALL of my thoughts? Granted, I have a lot of bullshit going on up there, but a penny?

So after stopping at the bakery, tanning salon, and liquor store, I headed over to Citizen Bank where I met with a nice man named Chad. After listening to some of my sample thoughts on religion, politics, and home decor, Chad assured me that his bank was prepared to offer me a penny PER thought! That’s almost like 5 times what you’re willing to pay! I’m going to need you to beat that.

Here’s just one of the gems that the lucky bank can expect from me:

“I bet a picture of a naked woman on the front of the toilet tank would motivate a man to put the seat down.”

Boom!

And I have plenty more where that came from!

WSFS, I need to hear a strong counteroffer by midnight tonight (12am EST), otherwise Citizen bank will be the proud owner of ALL of my thoughts (or as many as it takes to afford one of those cute capuchin monkeys).

Sincerely,
Kim
www.oneclassymotha.com

Gina, with practice, you’ll soon feel confident enough to demand the salary you deserve!

Sincerely,
Kim
www.oneclassymotha.com

 

P.S. Don’t go with National Bank. The huge sign in their lobby says “We want your two cents!”  In my opinion, asking your customers for money is no way to run a business.
 
 
*DISCLOSURE: The above thoughts are the disappointed property of WSFS Bank.

 

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Cheapo Wino Review Wednesday! Chateau Ste. Michelle

Today, I bring you another great wine that’s under $15, because we both know you should be saving your money for therapy.

 

Chateau Ste. Michelle Cabernet Sauvignon 2010 – $12.99 (Costco)

Winemaker’s Notes:

Our goal with the Columbia Valley Cabernet is to highlight concentrated Washington red fruit in an accessible style. This is our inviting Cab with plenty of complexity and structure with silky tannins. It’s also very versatile with food–try it with beef, pork or pasta.

Kim’s Notes: “It’s like an ‘Under $15″ fairy tale” (heads up: today I take a narrative approach)

He stood before me, chilly from the cold (our wine fridge was set too low). I brought him to me and held him tightly against my chest, warming his firm body against my flappy one. When I sensed that the time was right, I stared deeply into his dark soul and drank him in.

He whispered softly to me, “Chocolate…no..no…wait…berries…I mean, oak”. Oh, how I loved his complexity! In fact, I loved him so much that I decided to marry him…to a watermelon & Gorgonzola salad I found in the refrigerator. The bride wore balsamic. After the ceremony, they rode happily off into my esophagus, where I imagine they had beautiful sangria babies together. The End.

This wine pairs well with chocolate, pepperoni pizza, and disappointment.

 

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Make sure to check out my Sponsor MommyPie.com!

MommyPie.com is a new and entertaining site which has everything from potty training tips to Kim Kardashian’s crazy baby name. They also have cool giveaways! I swear, it’s like all of your favorite magazines in one place!

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