پاکستان میں Mostbet com ویب سائٹ ملاحظہ کریں، اور آپ یقینی طور پر کھیلوں پر شرط لگانے یا آن لائن کیسینو میں کھیلنے کے لیے یہاں واپس آنا چاہیں گے۔ کھیلوں کے شائقین کو ایونٹس کے ایک بڑے انتخاب، مختلف پروموشنز اور بونسز، مفت بیٹس، مفت گھماؤ اور زیادہ مشکلات تک رسائی حاصل ہے۔ اور کھیل کو مزید آسان بنانے کے لیے، ہم نے ایک موبائل ایپلیکیشن تیار کی ہے جسے آپ آسانی سے اپنے فون پر انسٹال کر سکتے ہیں۔

Tips for Tuesday! Be the Alpha in your Dog Relationship.

So I’ve been having some asshole-like behavioral problems with Mr. Bojangles lately, and I can’t remember if they started after this professional picture was taken

or after the adoption of our fuzzy wuzzy cutie patootie 3-legged dog, Buddy.

Either way, his antics are becoming ridiculous.

 

He steals food from the counter.

 

He ripped a hole in the couch.

 

He’s been sassing me.

 

He pees on the rug if I’m more than 5 minutes late for cocktail hour.

 

And he practices his musical urine cups at all hours of the night, leaving a mess for me to clean up in the morning.

At my wit’s end, I purchased every book written by that dog whisperer, Cesar Millan. I thought for sure he could help me.

However, while the literature was somewhat helpful, it didn’t address many of the issues I found myself facing. But there was one thing I took away from it, “Become the Alpha!”

Admittedly, I’m a total “Beta” what with the belly rubs, cuddling, baby talk, and carrying his shit in my hands during our walks. I knew I had to make some changes, and not carrying his crap was the first one.

 

Introducing….

The SHIT BAG

 

Materials:

Dog Collar

A coordinating purse (never sacrifice style for function)

*I thought about using my Fanny Pack, but the last place I remember seeing it was 1989.

 

Assembly:

1. Thread collar through purse handle

2. Put collar on dog

3. Refuse to feel sorry for dog

 

Usage:

Whenever your dog poops, distract him by yelling “squirrel”, and scoop up his poop. (Distraction is key, because picking up his poop may be seen as very “beta” behavior. And until genetic modification gives us dogs with opposable thumbs, we’re stuck doing it.)

Put the poop bag in the purse and continue on your walk while repeatedly saying “Who’s your Alpha now?!”

 

Enjoy your newly transformed relationship!

Find my tips helpful? Well, could you click the vote button anyway? Thank you so much!
 
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The Weekend in Crappy Pics

I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July! We did! My classy family and I went to the beach to celebrate the birth of our country and my birthday!

 

July 2nd

As soon as we got to the beach, we tumbled out of the car, apologized for all the angry things we said to each other during the grueling 2hr ride, and ate pizza.

I don’t care if this makes me a shitty parent but…EVERY restaurant needs a TV at the table! Our kids were so into SpongeBob that Brian and I could actually have a conversation. Problem was we forgot how to converse, so we just stared at each other until it became uncomfortably weird and my drink glass was empty.

 

July 3rd

The next morning we went out for my birthday breakfast (Yes, I said my birthday breakfast because it’s my favorite meal of the day). Now before we go any further, here’s something you need to know about me and my “going out” breakfast- I must have pancakes AND poached eggs with wheat toast. And if I don’t get these things, well, you might as well shit in my coffee.

So anyway, we went to this cute little bistro, I opened the menu, and…WTF? Five items on the menu? No pancakes? No ala carte eggs? Breathe, Kim. You can do this. Ok, they have french toast, you can work with that.

 

Waiter: Can I take your order?

Me: Yes. I don’t see any eggs. Can I get a poached egg, by any chance?

Waiter: I’m sorry, no.

Me: No? Really?

Waiter: I’ll double check. (leaves and comes back) Sorry, the chef said no. It’s a small kitchen and they don’t have room or time to boil water.

Me:….

Waiter: Maybe a scrambled egg?

Me: What about sunny side up? That way it’ll be gooey like poached. He does have a pan on the stove, right?

Waiter: I’ll check with him again (leaves and comes back) Yes, he says he’ll make you a sunny side up egg.

 

After waiting about 30 minutes, (THIRTY MINUTES, PEOPLE!) the waiter stood in the center of the room and made the following announcement, “I’m sorry everyone but the chef had a stroke so you won’t be getting your meals.”

 

He then stuck his head into the kitchen window, pulled it back out and, pointing to us, said, “The only table getting their meal is that table over there” The whole restaurant turned in our direction. “Don’t worry, he’s finishing your egg right now”.

I detected sarcasm.

 
These were my thoughts, in order of appearance:

1. Oh my god! He’s having a stroke!

2. Wait…he’s still making our meal?

3. Damn it, I bet he’s overcooking my yolk.

No, I’m not proud.

But as it turned out, my yolk was cooked perfectly. However, I had mixed feelings while eating it, kinda like wearing a really awesome dress made by child laborers.

PS- Brian wouldn’t let me take a pic of the ambulance. He said it would make us look bad. As if we didn’t already.
 

Later that night, I had a wonderful birthday dinner with my family…but my bad karma almost set the restaurant on fire.

July 4th

We had great seats for the beach’s annual 4th of July parade.

There were lots of floats (trailers with crepe paper taped to them), local marching bands, military veterans, fire engines, etc., and they all threw things at us…hard things.

Really? Pegging me in the face with a Jaw Buster? Yes, the irony is amusing.

After the parade, we laid on the beach for a few hours then we headed back to the house to unwind…until Brian brought out his surprise.

Apparently he made a little trip to the grocery store and purchased some fireworks. THIS from a guy that won’t let me program our coffee maker because it requires being plugged in while we sleep.

 

Me: Do you know what it’s going to do?

Him: No, but it can’t be that bad, right?

Me: Are there any directions?

Him: Yeah, but they say “Light Fire Wok and Run”.

Me: Made in China?

Him: Yup.

What you can’t see here is that the wind is blowing to the left, sending a huge smoke cloud to the neighbor’s deck, while they eat dinner with their guests.

Brian felt so horrible that he rushed over to their table and started fanning the smoke away with a beach towel…that we had used…in the sand.

 

 

After dinner, we returned to the beach for the fireworks. Ana was really nervous about the noise so I brought along her noise cancelling headphones.

 

Shortly after this pic, the fireworks started and Ana insisted that she needed to use the potty, which meant walking for 3 blocks to get to the center of town. And miss the fireworks? Oh, no sister! Instead, I plopped her ass down in some nearby pine needles. Turns out she didn’t need to go after all. Stinker was just trying to get out of the fireworks. How manipulative! I’ve never been prouder.

 

Happy Belated Birthday, America!

 

PS- I called the next day and checked on the chef. They said he’s doing fine but I’m to never come back again.

 

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Free Advice Friday! Stop your kids from fighting!

We’re at the beach, celebrating my birthday and the fourth of July…and the car fighting between the kids on the ride down drove me insane!

It wasn’t until my breathing became shallow and my head started pounding that I remembered my own advice.

I hope you enjoy this re-post while I head to the craft store in preparation of our drive home.

See you on Monday with some fresh Crappy Pics!

————–

Dear Kim,

I can’t take the bickering between the two girls (my daughter and niece). They may as well be sisters because they spend everyday together. I told them in the car today that I am going to keep a squirt bottle on me so every time one of them whines, takes something from the other, or slaps the other, I am going to squirt them. It worked to keep the cat off the counter. I figure, they are acting like animals so why not treat them like one. It’s more PC than a cattle prodder right? Thoughts….lol!

Emily in Bickerington, WA

 
 

Dear Emily,

I like your idea and I totally respect people who think outside the box. However, I see the water squirting as a potential mold and mildew problem.

Having gone through this with my own children, I do have a possible solution. But first, a little story…

Once upon a time, I had a fish tank that contained a Barb fish, a newt, a fresh water crab, and a Betta fish. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the characteristics of these aquatic creatures but this was a bad, bad combination. Apparently, the kid at “Wet Dreams Fish Emporium” was too busy flirting with the girl restocking the aquarium gravel to tell me.

Anyway, within hours of meeting one another, the Betta attacked the Barb, and the Barb chewed the feet off the newt (who we named Nubby). It was a savage scene.

So you know what I did Emily? I separated them. That’s right, I set up aquariums all around the room and gave them each their own space to swim safely and freely.

I wish I could tell you this story had a happy ending. It didn’t.

Because the new tanks didn’t have lids, it wasn’t long before our cats ate both fish. And a few days after that I found the crab in the back of my bedroom closet, dead. In his claw, he held the lifeless body of the newt. Clearly a murder-suicide.

But here’s my point…separate the kids. Of course you can’t physically separate them into tanks but you can visually separate them. One word for you…blinders. Out of sight = Out of mind.

Today, I’m going to show you how to make my patent pending blinders. The kids can wear these at home, in the car, at stores or restaurants, basically anywhere you want them to ignore one another. I even use these to watch TV when my family’s in the room.
*I don’t recommend them when crossing the street.

Blinders

Materials:

Pop tart box

headband

duct tape

scissors

materials to decorate

 
 

Instructions:

1. Cut the panels from the pop tart box

2. Let each child decorate the plain side of 2 panels

3. Attach 1 panel to each side of a headband with duct tape

4. It’s ready to wear! Enjoy the silence of having 2 children ignore one another!

Emily, I hope I was able to help you. I understand that this isn’t a perfect solution but it’s the best one I have to offer. It really has worked out for us because each kid gets that “only child” special feeling.

By the way, while eye contact is discouraged, I do suggest letting them write letters to one another to keep in touch or hosting occasional play dates.

Please let me know how it goes, unless it’s bad…I only enjoy pleasant emails.

Good Luck!

Kim

 
 

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Cheapo Wino Review Wednesday! One Classy Birthday!

Guess what?! Today’s my birthday! Woo hoo! Sure, it’s a little overshadowed by the whole ‘birth of our country’ thing happening tomorrow, but whatever, it’s cool.

As you’re probably aware, today is Wednesday, meaning Cheapo Wino Review Wednesday. But sorry folks, I’m 41 today (gulp) and I insist on celebrating the closing of my 40th year with the pricey stuff!

So instead, I thought I’d share with you the birth of Cheapo Wino Wednesday, my first bad review!

Enjoy!

—————–

As you know, on Monday I decided that I was going to start doing wine reviews on inexpensive wines. You just wet your pants, didn’t you?

This might be a little TMI, but I’ve always experienced a tingling rush of excitement when stumbling across a bargain, it’s almost sexual-like. No lie. In fact, Collin was conceived after a winning bid on Ebay.

But these reviews are about more than just me and my bargain-erotica (bargotica?), they’re about you! I believe that mothers everywhere deserve access to affordable yet delicious mental health care, and I’m determined to make that happen.

Now before I officially begin my review, let’s define my idea of a “bargain” wine. Before I was married, I was quite content with drinking a $5.00 bottle. It provided both the essence of grape and the warming sensation of grainy alcohol that I required. But over the years, Brian has spoiled me by frequently supplying the good stuff…the-we-can’t-afford-this-every-night- good stuff. As a result, my “el cheapo” price range has continued to rise. So for the purpose of this and future reviews, let’s set the maximum dollar amount to $15.

Now for my first review…
Wait!
Back up a sec. Let me quickly warn you that I have no clue what the hell I’m talking about. I mean, I know what I like but I’m not sure what all the fancy terminology means. So I’ll be using my own personal descriptors and preferences. Good luck with the deciphering.

Horse Haven Hills (H3) Cabernet Sauvignon 2010 by Columbia Crest

from Washington State – $11.99

Winemaker Notes: “This bold medium-bodied wine delivers aromas of cherry blossoms and rose petals, with a perfect balance of earth, mineral and deep berry flavors leading to a soft tannin cocoa finish.”

Kim’s Notes: “This shit is good!”

No really! Wine Spectator gave it a 90 point rating, which is amazing for a wine that costs only $11.99. Originally, Brian purchased this bottle for me so I didn’t know the price. After drinking it, and factoring in what Brian would spend, I guessed the value at $24.99.

My description…
It’s a nice deep, dark red…almost like the color of freshly clotted blood. I know, Mmm. The first time I opened the bottle (I drank 3 bottles this week to prepare for this review) I was immediately struck by a nice oaky smell, and I love me some oak (though, not a fan of oak furniture). And unlike a lot of “value” wines, this wine was smooth, it didn’t have the jagged glass feeling that I’ve come to expect in anything under $12. While it wasn’t totally chewy, it had a nice weight & feel to it, like that velvet blanket you frequently stuff in your mouth to keep from screaming.

This wine is ready to drink now through whenever (all my wines are “drink now” or “drink tomorrow”). It’s the perfect choice for mommy playdates, your next book club, or for guzzling while discussing this month’s electric bill with your spouse.

This wine pairs well with pizza bites, Hot Pockets, tacos, or handfuls of chocolate chips eaten directly from the bag while crying.

Go out and buy it today!

Throw a girl a birthday vote? Shameless, right?
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