پاکستان میں Mostbet com ویب سائٹ ملاحظہ کریں، اور آپ یقینی طور پر کھیلوں پر شرط لگانے یا آن لائن کیسینو میں کھیلنے کے لیے یہاں واپس آنا چاہیں گے۔ کھیلوں کے شائقین کو ایونٹس کے ایک بڑے انتخاب، مختلف پروموشنز اور بونسز، مفت بیٹس، مفت گھماؤ اور زیادہ مشکلات تک رسائی حاصل ہے۔ اور کھیل کو مزید آسان بنانے کے لیے، ہم نے ایک موبائل ایپلیکیشن تیار کی ہے جسے آپ آسانی سے اپنے فون پر انسٹال کر سکتے ہیں۔

The Weekend in Crappy Pics!

Friday and Saturday was Ana’s Holiday Dance Recital,

 dance recital

 

and I, like an asshole, volunteered to be a backstage mom for both shows.

Take a look at the backstage…

photo (31)

You better believe I brought a bottle of wine with me on the second day. But despite pouring it quietly, while hiding under my coat, in a dark corner, I was found out by the other mothers and forced to share…it broke my little wino heart.

Ana’s class was the first act and I was so excited!

The girls came out onto the dark stage, I could see their silhouettes squatting down, getting ready for their music to begin- well, with the exception of one little girl. She was jumping up and down, whooping and hollering, basically losing her 4 year old mind until the teacher yelled, “Ok, settle down over there!”

recital1

Then the lights came on…

recital 2

On Sunday, we were supposed to get an inch of snow.  We got 7. “Our bad” said the weathermen.

Grabbing our shovels, we cleared our driveway while listening to the hum of nearby snow blowers. La di friggin da.

Under the guise of “good clean fun”, but secretly fueled by snow blower envy, we traveled the block throwing snowballs at anyone not using a good old fashioned shovel.

I call this pic “Returning from the Hunt”

photo (19)

Upon completion of the mission, I pulled out the sleds and the kids had a ball flying down the wimpy 5 foot hill next to our driveway…

photo (23)

Brian suggested that I spray the bottom of the sleds with oil to make them go faster…

photo (25)

which gave us several opportunities to play the game “Dog Urine or Butter Spray?”

photo (34)If you guessed “Dog Urine”, you’re a winner!

Speaking of dog urine, Mr. Bojangles loved the snow…and then it was time for him to go in.

bo towel

I’m pretty sure everyone had a great time, even Ana.

Ana snow

How was your weekend?

The Weekend in Crappy Pics!

Helllllo! I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving, we certainly did!

On Wednesday, we received our first ever shitload of firewood from a nearby company, which the delivery guy said would burn “…long, hot, strong, and clean.” I thought he was flirting with me until he used the adjective ‘clean’.

This was my first time stacking wood, but judging by my “can-do” attitude, suede wedge boots, faux leopard gloves, and trusty Lil’ Red Wagon, you’d never know it.

On Thursday, we went to Brian’s parents’ house for Thanksgiving, and we had a fabulous time- the food was great, the company was great, Ana didn’t break anything that couldn’t be fixed. What more could we ask for?

It was a perfect night…until we were leaving the neighborhood and passed this:

First of all, CHRISTMAS LIGHTS ON THANKSGIVING??? Nothing pisses me off more! Unless, of course, that sonofabitch has Easter eggs stashed under his shrubs.

And secondly, those lights are on the inside of the home- the inside, people! Find me in twenty years when the authorities are looking for the “Christmas Light Strangler”, I’ll direct them to the poor kid that grew up in this house.

Then, as we turned the corner, things went from nauseating to utterly disturbing:

Umm, WTF is happening here?

Let’s take a closer, creepier look:

I’m praying it’s a Halloween costume. If so, I bet I know which house he lives in.

 

Every Black Friday is the same for us: we wake up around 8am, search the internet for the Walmart death toll, shake our heads, then put up our Christmas decorations while thanking our lucky stars that we have zero interest in getting off our lazy asses in an attempt to save a buck.

I know, for most families, the lighting of the Christmas tree signifies the beginning of the Christmas season, but we, at the One Classy Motha household, have our own way of kicking things off:

The Pull My Finger Santa

It’s a very sacred tradition.

Once the family gathers around, I gently lift Santa from his custom made, satin lined box, as each child secretly hopes they’ll be the one chosen to flip the ON switch buried in the deep recesses of his ass. This year it was Ana, and she handled the responsibility with all the grace and maturity of a 4 year old “Hey Collin, my finger’s in his buuuuttttt!”

Then, taking a cue from The Lion King, I hold a gassy St. Nick high above my head and proclaim, “And I say unto ye, let there be Christmas Farts!” My family erupts into a frenzy of cheering and fabricated fart sounds as tears of joy roll down their plump little cheeks, cutting through the pizza grease.

Then I do it. I pull Santa’s finger. AND. IT. IS. MAGICAL. “FAAART…ho ho ho, now that’s a stocking stuffer!”

Christmas has officially begun!

Occasionally, after all the hoopla dies down, Brian tries to pretend he’s above us. After watching Ana & I laugh at Santa for over 15 minutes straight on Friday night:

Brian: This whole family is disgusting! You think Pam Anderson is walking around with a Farting Santa? No! She’s busy finding ways to make her husband happy.

Me: Pam Anderson is divorced.

Brian: You think Carmen Electra is walking around with a Farting Santa? No! She’s busy finding ways to make her husband happy.

Me:…

Brian: …divorced too?

Me: Yup.

Me: Hey, maybe if they had focused more on Farting Santa and less on their husband’s happiness, they’d still be married? I think we’re doing something right.

Saturday evening, we decorated the tree. I was supposed to visit my friend afterwards but…

In case you think I’m exaggerating…

On Sunday morning, Mr. Bojangles tumbled down our steep ass stairs for the second time in a week.

Our children have been falling down the stairs for years, with my response being nothing more than a yawn and a “We should probably do something about that” But when the dog fell, I was like “Oh, hell no!” I ran right out, bought all the supplies, and laid the runner myself.

Aww, does my little Bozie Wozie feel safey wafey now?

Oh, and guess what I bought this weekend?

Scissors, you sicko.

I have a ton more pics from this week but I’m sure you have a life you need to get back to, so I’ll just leave you with this:

(Excuse my Bronchitis laugh)

[embedit snippet=”pull-my-finger-santa”]

How was your week?

It’s getting super close to Christmas! You can find the perfect PERSONALIZED holiday gifts from my sponsor GiftsForYou.com. I swear they have something in every price range!

Weekend in Crappy Pics!

 

One word: SNUGGLES

Friday afternoon, Ana’s classroom bear, Snuggles, came home with her.

Apparently, it was our responsibility to show Snuggles a good time AND to return him in one piece on Monday morning. I had my concerns…

I was beyond stressed. Honestly, I’d rather her bring home a newborn baby as they seem to leave a bad taste in Bo’s mouth.
 
Friday night, we took Snuggles to a dive restaurant that I was dying to try because “You shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover, Brian.”

But when the waitress escorted us to a room reeking of bleach and registering a frosty 50 degrees, I thought to myself, “Oh shit, this ain’t no Pulitzer Prize.”

Luckily, our meal had some “Huh, this isn’t bad.” along with a few “Try these, they’re kinda good.” moments.

On Saturday, Collin went to a 6 hour birthday party. Yes, 6 hours. And the rest of us did nothing, nada, zip, zilch, except sit around and snuggle with Snuggles.

On Saturday night, we invited Brian’s mom over for dinner (pizza). After dinner, we were sitting around the family room, enjoying a roaring fire, drinking some wine, and someone pointed out this game…

It had to be Brian’s mom because it’s been sitting there since Christmas 2012 and we’ve yet to acknowledge its existence. Even Mr. Bojangles walks around it.

So we played the game,

then put it back in the corner until next year.

On Sunday, it was 10 degrees with the wind chill. TEN DEGREES, PEOPLE! And Ana informed me that we had to take Snuggles to Smith Park because her teacher said that’s his favorite thing to do. Well, I explained to Ana that, as a bear, Snuggles was meant to eat and hibernate this time of year, and that maybe her teacher is trying to push her own agenda onto Snuggles.

“Shouldn’t we honor Snuggles’ natural instincts by eating leftover pizza and napping instead?”

“No.”

So I did what any good mother would do…I took her and that damn bear to the park. I also did what any selfish mother would do…I underdressed her so she’d freeze within minutes of arriving.

“Mommy, I can’t feel my hands. Can we go home now?”

Yes, it’s hard to hold the monkey bars when your fingers won’t bend. Mwahahahahaha!

Oh, and check out the static electricity generated by a cold, dry, plastic slide…

I still think Snuggles would have rather hibernated.

How was your weekend?

Weekend in Crappy Pics!

 

All last week, I worked my ass off around the house…then developed bronchitis.  I think it was my body’s way of saying, “Whoa! Slow down there, Kim. Clean houses are overrated.” So I pretty much sat around all weekend eating nachos and lighting fires in the fireplace.

At some point on Saturday, I peeled myself off the couch to find out why everyone was so quiet. Standing up and looking around, I noticed a theme- Death and Destruction….

The naked, tied-up Barbie concerned me the most. But not enough.

“Carry on.”

On Saturday night, we decided to cook some hot dogs on the grill.  That was an unfortunate idea…

Turns out there was a mouse nest under the burner…which Brian lit before realizing it:(

Unfortunately (or fortunately) for you, I forgot to take a picture of the nest because I was so distraught with guilt and sadness- I thought for sure we roasted a whole rodent family. But guess what? There were no bodies. On a hunch, I told Brian to open the grill’s cabinet doors. He did, and there they were, two adorable mice! They reminded me of my own childhood pet mice, minus the Salmonella & Typhoid fever.

They ran around for a bit while I named them, then they hopped through the back of the cabinet and scampered off into the cold, dark, starry night- her riding on the back of a squirrel as they followed the North Star in search of a manger in which to birth their little Mouse Savior. That’s right, I’ve already written and cast a movie about their life based on the 1965 film “The Greatest Story Ever Told”.  It’s called “The Mouse-siah”, and it stars Stuart Little as Cheesus Christ.

 

On Sunday, I hired two college kids to clean up the leaves in our yard while Brian & Collin watched football, Ana tested & perfected 32 different restraining knots, and I continued to stare at the fireplace and stuff my face.

 

Then on Sunday night, while feeling like a fat sloth, I received this text…

I said to myself, “Hmm…I don’t know an Emma. I should probably click on this and find out what it is.”

So I did…

WTF, Universe?

So then I replied…

 

Oh, and apparently a wind storm came through while we slept last night…blowing leaves into our yard.

Only our yard. But we didn’t get hit by any tornados, like most of the country, so I should probably shut the hell up.

 

How was your weekend?

 

Is your Holiday shopping done? Mine either. Check out my sponsor GiftsForYouNow.com, they have a bazillion gifts that you can personalize for that special person, or for that person that isn’t special but you want them to think they are. 

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