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Tips for Tuesday! Paci Addiction

Today’s post is about a very serious topic, paci addiction.  Last year, paci addiction claimed the sanity of over 50 billion mothers worldwide and, according to my nail salon lady, the numbers continue to rise. Science can put a Rover on Mars but they can’t solve this problem?  Who cares about putting a dog on Mars anyway? Ridiculous!

Lucky for us, we have the smart, funny, and cutie patootie Amanda from Questionable Choices in Parenting here to help us!

After reading about her brilliant scientific development, you have to head over to Questionable Choices in Parenting and read her stuff, it’ll have you laughing your ass off!  My favorite… The Professional Playground Inspector where she bitches about The Bridge of Death, The Tunnel of Terror, and The Drop of Doom. I loathe The Drop of Doom!

 

 

When my daughter turned two it was clear to the entire family that she had a problem. A very serious problem: a pacifier problem. Since I’ve watched a lot of interventions on tv, I felt completely comfortable staging a paci intervention in our home. We sat my unsuspecting girl down in her “big girl chair” for a “big girl” talk.

Just like an addict, she was angry and even in denial. She placed the blame on others, mainly me. She even called me her “paci pusher.” And that, friends, is the sad but honest truth.


When she was a baby, I would shove a pacifier her way any time I heard a little whimper or cry. Silence was golden, but it was also a slippery slope and a gateway to addiction. In the past, when we tried to get her to kick her habit, she would throw epic tantrums, and I would throw pacifiers at her by the handful just to get her to stop.

We thought she was doing better, but then we found her secret stash. Some places were obvious: in her doll house, shoved in the couch. But some were stealthy hidden: in her shoes, in her shopping cart of play food. One day I witnessed her pull a paci out of the dog food bin and start sucking away. She had hit rock bottom.

We tried to get her to quit before, but this time was different. I would no longer enable her addiction. It was time to quit the pacifier cold turkey. OK, she could still have the paci at night, but that’s it!

So we started on the journey of clean living and life without the paci, and let me tell you, it was rough. The normal daily tantrums of a two year old doubled, tripled, quadrupled! Anything and everything set her off, and we all walked around the house on tiptoe not to disturb the beast. It was like she couldn’t function without a little help from her friend the paci.

Since I couldn’t go back on my vow to break her of the paci, I decided to turn into my secret mommy laboratory and create something to help her and all pacifier addicts get over the hump while kicking their habit.

Introducing The Paci Patch, part of the PRT (Pacifier Replacement Therapy). Much like the patch that helps smokers kick their nasty habit, The Paci Patch helps take the edge off of mom induced pacifier weaning.


The Paci Patch is easy to apply: just peel and stick to their arm. Voila!

The Paci Patch has a super scientific, timed therapeutic sensation that will ease your little one’s cravings for the paci and help them successfully wean from the pacifier.

The Paci Patch even comes in your child’s favorite television characters!

So if you have a pacifier addict, you are not alone. And now you have help, The Paci Patch. And if this thing doesn’t work, you can totally give the kid the pacifier when no one is looking. I totally won’t judge you.

 

Amanda Mushro is a mommy of two who blogs at Questionable Choices in Parenting. Sometimes she thinks she is doing a great job as a mom, but then she does something that really makes her question her own parenting abilities. Find her atQuestionable Choices in ParentingFacebookTwitter, and Pinterest

 

 

 

 

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Tips for Tuesday! A transitional drink recipe.

Now that “Margarita Season” is just about over and “Eggnog Season” is around the corner, I thought I’d provide you with a nice transitional drink recipe, The Cosmopolitan. The recipe below makes a huge batch, that way it’ll be ready to pour when I stop by this Fall. *Don’t worry, I’m not an asshole, I’ll call ahead so you’ll have plenty of time to clean your guest toilet and put your bra back on.

Side Note: You’ll notice that any craft or recipe I share with you involves the term “eyeball it”. I’m a big fan of using ratios instead of actually measuring, it just makes life easier and a bit half-assed. My preferred method for making cosmos is to use a 12 oz. cranberry juice bottle- even I can’t screw this up.
By the way, this just so happens to be my mother-in-law’s recipe. I bet you wish you had a mother-in-law like mine!

MIL’s Cosmopolitan

Ingredients:

vodka

cranberry juice (use the 12oz. bottles)

triple sec

1 lime or Rose’s lime juice

funnel

an empty Grey Goose bottle (from a wealthy friend)

Tips for Tuesday! A recipe that makes a large batch of Cosmopolitans. Keep them in your freezer, always ready for guests...or homework time.

 

Recipe:

1. Stick the funnel in the Grey Goose bottle and pour the whole 12 oz cranberry juice down its neck.

 

2. Next, fill the empty cranberry bottle completely with vodka and pour IT down the goose’s neck.

You didn’t think we could actually afford Grey Goose Vodka did you? hahahahaha

 

3. Then fill the cranberry bottle half-way (eyeball it) with triple sec and pour it into the Grey Goose Bottle. (I was going to use the same picture as above because the liquids are the same color but I didn’t want to insult your intelligence.)

4. Finally, You can either fill the cranberry bottle 1/4 full with Rose’s lime juice (eyeball it) or squeeze in a 1/2 of a lime. NOW HERE’S THE EXCITING TIP!!!!! If you decide to squeeze 1/2 a lime and you don’t have a juicer, microwave the lime for 30 seconds, cut it in half, then squeeze into the funnel! It softens up the lime so that you can squeeze everything out of it! Exciting right?!

psst…did you see the tip within a tip? That’s a yoga mat under our microwave to keep it from slipping.

 

5. Shake it and throw the bottle in the back of the freezer until you’re ready to drink it, or until I show up. And um…here’s a another tip, make sure to catch all of the lime guts. I didn’t and this is what my drink looked like after being frozen:

What’s that look like to you? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

 

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Tips for Tuesday! Try it before you buy it!

Today marks the first day of our family’s stay-cation! We’ve never actually taken a “vacation” where you drive around your house looking for interesting things to do. All of our car trips usually land us in the Costco parking lot, so I’m not sure if I’m capable of planning this right. Here’s what I have so far:

Day 1: Car shopping for Brian.

Day 2: We’ll strip the kids of all electronics, watch the detox set in, then send them on an 8 hr. tour of a working Amish farm.

Day 3: Visit local pet shops instead of the zoo because the zoo is too far and I have an eyelash extension appointment at 6:30 pm.

Day 4: Hershey Park. We’ll eat our weight in chocolate then blissfully throw it up on various rides.

Day 5: Pitch a tent and camp in our yard…specifically in the part of our yard occupied by the family room. And by “tent” I mean pillow fort.

Day 6: Clean up the yard day. This is where they can really show off some of those awesome agricultural skills they learned on Day 2!

 

I’m still finalizing our matching stay-cation outfits which are totally necessary, they make it easier to find one another in a crowd, like at the car dealership’s “Fall Back Into Savings” sale event.

As Brian and I were preparing for Day 1 (car shopping), my “Try It Before You Buy It” tip came to mind. So today, I’m re-sharing it with you! Oh, and please leave me some stay-cation ideas of your own as we don’t have Day 7 planned yet. Trust me, my kids would be ever so grateful.

 

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I’m a firm believer of the old adage “try it before you buy it”, and I don’t care what it is. Ice cream shop, ask for a spoon. A wine bar, ask for a sip. A book store, read a chapter while sitting in their bathroom stall. A restaurant,…well, you can’t really ask the chef to prepare a bite for you (that would be weird), but what you can do is look around the restaurant for someone eating what you’re thinking of ordering, and ask for a taste. However, DO NOT take more than 1 bite, people get all possessive about their food.

Yesterday, I decided to head out to research some of our upcoming household purchases. We’re currently in need of a stainless steel refrigerator, some outdoor furniture, and a new toilet for the upstairs bathroom. By the way, Brian won’t agree with any of this. His motto is: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. And if it is broke, learn to live without it.

So I bribed Ana with the promise of purchasing a “cooperation” toy, and we drove out toward Lowes. On our way there, I called Dominoes and ordered a pizza for delivery.

Pizza Guy: Your address?

Me: Lowes, the Outdoor Living department. Second table on your left.

That’s right, I ordered a pizza. Why, you ask? Because we love to spend our summer evenings eating outdoors, I rarely cook, and TRY IT BEFORE YOU BUY IT!

Ana and I both loved the look and feel of the tiles, however, I found that the uneven surface made my wine glass wobble a little bit, making me extremely uncomfortable. Granted, the customers gawking at us didn’t help. I bet this is how celebrities feel when they’re eating out.

After lunch we walked over to the appliance section to see if the leftover pizza and wine would fit in the stainless steel refrigerator that I had my eye on.

Damn it, the wine won’t fit. I guess it’s not meant to be GE.

 

HOLY SHIT! A dedicated wine holder! Wrap it up!

 

After eating and storing our food (and my wine) in our new fridge, it was time to check out the toilets.

Ana says “Urine for a real treat with this toilet seat! It’s Craptastic!”

 

It took her 5 toilets before she finally settled on this one- So remember, TRY IT BEFORE YOU BUY IT!

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Tips for Tuesday! Recycle your Kuerig K-cups!

Do you remember two weeks ago, when I admitted to not having the answers to all of life’s problems? You should, that was a pretty big deal. In fact, I could hear the collective gasp.

And do you remember me telling you that I reached out to some of the smartest & funniest bloggers on the web to offer up some of their own questionable tips? Well, I got another one!!!

My girl Alyson, over at The Shitastrophy (gotta love that name!), has graciously offered to help us figure out what to do with all of our used K-cups! Coffee addict that I am, I could use that tip!

After reading this brilliant tip, you have to go check out her blog! She’s hilariously honest, and the header picture alone will make you wanna pour a drink!

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I like coffee – who the hell doesn’t? If you have kids, you need some sort of boost. Since alcohol is frowned upon first thing in the morning, I reach for my trusty Kuerig coffee machine.

Every morning I have 2 cups of coffee, so 2 of those little plastic K-cups are used. What the hell am I supposed to do with all those little plastic cups? I really do hate to just throw them out – I’m very green you know, ok fine, more of a lime green, fine f%@kers, I think about the environment, are you happy now?

So what can you do with those little white plastic cups that are the castoff from your morning drug?

 

1) Use them for Jello shots later in the evening.

Just wash them out, fill with a lovely Jello/alcohol mix and voila! From morning to night – the K-cup is like the little black dress to help get you through the day.

 

Even better, my kids school does a Monte Carlo night where I sell shots, reincarnating my college job as Shot Girl. Sure my ass is bigger, but so are my boobs! Perfection. I’m sorry where was I going, oh yea – tax benefits! Turn that coffee habit into a couple hundred dollar tax write off when you claim your services at the local school fundraiser!

 

(Disclaimer, I am not an authorized tax attorney or accountant, and by no means providing real advice. If you are following my advice you are an idiot and will be most likely audited.)

 

2) Crush them on your forehead when you get drunk so you look really cool and strong!

I was never really able (or wanted to) crush an actual beer can on my forehead during my major drinking years. But now, it’s the hit of the party! Who doesn’t want to crush a cup into their perfectly made up face? Good times people! Just be sure you don’t get your eye by mistake, cause that’s gonna look like you got the shit kicked out of you.

Or pretend to be the Hulk’s wife! My kids like it when I pick up the cups and smash them. They really love when I do it while standing on a chair screaming about how awesome I am. I try not to fall off the chair, but shit happens.

 

3) Use them to dispense meds, just like in the hospital!

How fun is that! I put my happy pills in them, and the kids get their vitamins this way. They always know which ones are theirs and which are mine because I have clearly labeled them; I am very crafty. This is also early training for them for when I get old and senile and have to live with them. They’ll know how to dispense my meds daily, and how can you put a price on that?

I hope you enjoy these tips! I’d love to know any other uses you might have for those magical little plastic k-cups.

Thanks!

The Shitastrophy

About The Shitastrophy– Originally from NJ, I now live in the Midwest but have kept my sarcastic cynical Jersey attitude. I have to make a conscious effort to not curse in most conversations. I am the mother to two kids that provide constant fodder for this blog. My husband lives in fear that every thing he does or says will be highlighted in my next post, Face Book update, or Tweet. I love my two huge Bernese Mountain Dogs, even if they do eat their weight in food each month.

You can find me on: TheShitastrophy.com / Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest
 
 
 

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