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Notes from Camp Cheapo – Day 3

August 12, 2012 Written by One Classy Motha

Today Camp Cheapo was scheduled for a field trip to Camp Just-As-Cheap (my friend Colleen’s house). However, I received a disturbing text that Camp Just-As-Cheap was under quarantine due to vomiting and other disturbing bodily functions. Plan B …

Fortunately my Camp Director, Events Coordinator, and Lead Counselor (me, me, and me) are skilled at developing plans on the fly. They also used to have great abs and perky boobs before son #1 came along (I have pics I can email). But I digress.
I quickly made a run to Walmart for supplies because, while Camp Cheapo is prepared mentally and emotionally, we are unprepared physically. Besides, I believe impulsivity and last minute bad product choices encourage creativity (What the can I use this crap for?), teach valuable life lessons, (i.e.. Plan better next time) and they seem to be a big hit with the kids.

After securing my provisions we got in line. Just so you know, 20 cans of whipped cream, 5 bags of gummy worms, 2 boxes of tampons, and a tarp raises a lot of eyebrows…even at Walmart.

I was suddenly self conscious and immediately felt misunderstood by the cashier. Every time he scanned a whipped cream can I was willing him to ask me what I was doing with everything (well, maybe not the tampons). Beep… beep…beep…nothing. Finally he looked up and said,”I’m going to IHOP tomorrow morning. They have better pancakes than Denny’s”. What??? Was this crazy talk a defense mechanism? Did I make him nervous? Was his brain on overload? What if I suddenly threw zip ties onto the conveyor belt- would he drop and curl into the fetal position? HE made ME nervous.
When I got home, children wearing goggles were pacing my driveway. I told them I’d be out at 1pm. They set their watches.
We began with the ol’ “fish the gummy worms from a plate of whipped cream with your hands behind your back” game. It was disgusting. I originally pictured foamy whipped cream covering their cute little faces. Instead I got gummy worms being spit onto my picnic table with strings of spittle connecting them to their owners. I wanted to puke.
Then we began the egg relay race. I remember this game from my childhood. You place an egg on a spoon and run down a lane and back, handing off to your partner. We played one round then the kids decided that breaking the eggs over their heads and throwing them at my trees was more entertaining.
On to water balloons. Again, an hour produced 12 useable balloons. Why do we keep making these?!?!? Finally, we went to the pool. On the way over we made the “I don’t know you and you don’t know me if you get in trouble” agreement. Another great day!
Tomorrow, body paint.
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Notes from Camp Cheapo – Day 2

August 12, 2012 Written by One Classy Motha

We began the day promptly at 12:38pm. The first activity was Bubble Bath Baby Pool.
 
I filled the baby pool with bubble bath foam and threw in some snakes for them to find (plastic, not real- c’mon people). I thought it was a deceivingly clever way for the kids to get a bath while they played. In fact, I don’t think they would have caught on if I hadn’t perched on the edge to shave my legs. Inappropriate? Maybe. But I refuse to apologize for being a fantastic multitasker. …

Next, a beautiful yellow & black butterfly landed on Camp Cheapo property.

It occurred to me that every camp needs a nature walk, so I pulled the kids out of the pool and we walked over to the butterfly, thereby constituting a nature walk.
 
I explained that it was a rare Costa Rican Tiger Butterfly called so because of its yellow & black markings. Then one child pointed out that tigers are orange & black. Then I pointed out that he was free to march his smart-ass back home to read more encyclopedias.

 

They were beginning to get rowdy so I told them that Santa had sent the butterfly here to make sure that they were all behaving, he was a “summer snitch”.They settled down.
 
Tip: always know your audience.
 
Of course, I know there’s no such thing as a Costa Rican Tiger Butterfly sent by Santa, but a good nature walk should be full of interesting fun facts.

 

Once the butterfly flew away we decided to have a water balloon fight. One hour and 100 balloons later we had 12 unpopped, useable water balloons. The fight lasted 2 minutes and that’s only because I instituted a “one balloon thrown at a time” rule.

 

 

We then packed it up and went to the neighborhood pool where I let the lifeguard yell at them while I pretended I was there alone. It was a great day!
 
Read Day 3 …help me
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Notes from Camp Cheapo – Day 1

August 12, 2012 Written by One Classy Motha

In an attempt to curtail our household spending I opted not to send my kids to a real camp this week. The way I see it the money can be better spent on hair foils, manicures, and a much needed bikini wax or two. And to ease my guilt I decided to hold my own camp,- I mean jeez, we own a Slip N Slide and an assortment of bandaids, how hard can it be?

On Day 1 we started with an 11am camp meeting (Camp Cheapo starts late), made a run to Kmart for supplies (Camp Cheapo is unprepared- hey, we’re not the Boy Scouts), knocked on doors to recruit more campers (Camp Cheapo encourages last minute participation), then immediately broke our hose so we had to borrow the neighbor’s (Camp Cheapo is resourceful). The first activity (slip n slide) began at 2pm. I quickly concluded that using dish detergent to slick the surface is a bad idea.

Next we moved onto the Shaving Cream fight. Brian had warned me that it might burn their eyes. Nothing I could do about that but I did buy the Aloe version so at least it would soothe their impending sunburn.

While I was printing the words to Kumbaya,  Brian asked me if I had been drinking. Not yet.

 

Read Day 2, then feel sorry for me.

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Notes from Camp Cheapo – Day 7

August 12, 2012 Written by One Classy Motha
 We started the morning like most mornings, late and running to the store for supplies. (Our motto: Preparation is overrated.) But before we left I had to search around the house for a 35mm film canister- I wanted the kids to make an Alka Seltzer rocket (it’s safer than it sounds- I promise). I asked everyone I knew if they had a film thingy, no one did. They have apparently vanished along with the typewriter, Atari and VHS tapes. Sad. Anyway, in my search I came across one canister with an undeveloped film roll AND 3 undeveloped disposable cameras. The side of each camera had a label that said something like “Develop Before the Depression Era Ends” so I figured the quality of the pics wouldn’t be the best but I was still excited. Oooh, mystery pics!
So before we went to grab our camp supplies we stopped at Walgreen’s 1hr film center. It wasn’t until after I handed the film to the girl that I thought of all the  bad (read: inappropriate) pictures I might have taken between adolescents and “understanding consequences” adulthood. I was scared. Maybe I should have used the Walgreens in Maryland.
Next we went to Tuesday Morning  in case they had a bargain I couldn’t pass up. To me it’s like Marshall’s little sister, and I love me some Marshall’s. Well we were there for all of 10 minutes before Collin started screaming “Mom! Mom! Mom!” from several aisles over (yes, I left them in another aisle- sue me). I ran over to see Ana standing in a puddle of her own urine. Great, just great. I didn’t even bring my purse in, I had nothing.  I tell Collin he needs to run to my car and get the emergency diapers because surely they’ll suck up the pee from the tile. He says,”what?! You want me to go into the parking lot by myself?” I put my hands firmly on his shoulders, look him directly in the eyes and say,” Today, Collin,   you become a man. I have been preparing you for this moment all your life and I know you won’t let your family down. (a slap on the back to pump him up) Now go get those diapers!” And he did. But his bedtime is still 9pm, man or not.
Finally we go to the grocery store and get the vinegar we need for our foam experiment. By now an hour has passed and we head back to Walgreens for my mystery pics. When I get there I stand at the photo counter for 10 minutes without a single person coming over to help me. I’m getting pissed standing there, my daughter smells like urine, and the campers are at home waiting for me. Then I see the box of happy pills. No lie (see pic).
This was an official  carton of “Happy Pills”. It’s not like it was written in sharpie or anything, nooo this was a manufacturer -freaking-printed title. How long has Walgreen’s been selling Happy Pills? Are they over-the-counter? I assume there’s a tiny bit of margarita in each capsule and I’m sure I can’t afford them.
Eventually I get my mystery pics. One roll was unable to be developed because they no longer have the equipment necessary to extract the film. I told you it was old. So $35 later I was looking at poor quality pics. There were a few pics of our trip to Chicago, our wedding rehearsal dinner, and our swim in the ocean with a sea lion. But even those pics were grainy and had heads cut off. $35 for that. I now totally get the appeal of viewing digital pics before developing.
We get back home and the kids are waiting with their swimsuits on, cause Camp Cheapo is messy. I first pull out the hose because it’s usually our entertainment and our cleaner-upper. While I’m taking the lids off of the whipped cream I see the boys pretending to pee while they’re holding the hose. Boys are so classy.
When we begin our whipped cream fight the kids soon realize that it’s hard to throw whipped cream from a can so they decide to spray it directly in their mouths. Why didn’t I see this coming? They then discuss how it would suck to have diabetes because then they couldn’t eat this whipped cream, as if this were the only reason having diabetes would suck.
Once the cans are kicked we move on to the Alka Seltzer rocket. Let’s just say it was a dud because my film canister wasn’t quite right. I may need to check eBay for the canisters in the future, or an antique store. Next up was the homemade foam. This consists of a plastic bottle,  dish washing soap, warm water, baking soda, and vinegar. The instructions mention something about not screwing on the lid or it may be a considered a dangerous explosive. For some reason this still didn’t deter me. The instructions also required some measuring but one of my younger campers suggested we just “eyeball it”. She remembered my lesson of half-assing it from Camp Day 6!  It brought a proud tear to my eye. And eyeball it we did. As a result, we ended up covered in foam reeking of white vinegar (way too much vinegar eyeballing). As we stood around debating who stunk worse, we witnessed the reappearance of the rare Costa Rican Tiger Butterfly (as seen on Camp Day 3)! The kids were beginning to suspect he wasn’t so rare after all. After I hosed the kids and the driveway down they wanted to know what we were going to do next. I was so exhausted,I filled up the baby pool, threw in some sponges, buckets, and shovels, then ran inside and hid.

 

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