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Cheapo Wino Review Wednesday! Josh Cellars

It’s that time of the week! Today’s wine…

 

Josh Cellars Cabernet Sauvignon 2011- $12.99

Winemaker’s Notes: “Rich, aromatic dark fruits and baking spices delight the nose, yielding fresh plum and blackberry fruit, violet, dried fig, vanilla bean and Chinese Five-Spice. The wine is juicy with the plum and blackberry flavors prominent, layered with smoky and sappy maple wood, roasted almonds and hazelnuts, finishing long with fine, firm tannins.”

Kim’s Notes: “Mmm, as balanced as my mood after eating copious amounts of sugary carbs.”

This wine paired wonderfully with my favorite Eggplant Pizza and those five handfuls of chocolate chips that I ate directly from the bag. However, it was not compatible with being informed of my husband’s upcoming business trip…I detected a sourness when swallowing that news.

The flavors that I noticed were NOT Chinese Five-Spice, Mr. winemaker, (WTF? Are these chicken wings or something?), but rather berry and chocolate. It’s like Fruit Loops and Cocoa Puffs had a baby, and then they squished that baby until all of its red juices came running out. Yum!…if that visual doesn’t make you want to run out and buy it, what will?

Mid-tasting, Brian came strolling through the kitchen to find me drawing lewd pictures of a Fruit Loop and Cocoa Puff having sex- it was intercereal and it. was. beautiful! Closing his eyes, and my notebook, he suggested that I might want to approach this a little more professionally, “Maybe focus on the flavors detected on your palate?”

After wiping the “la di freakin da” taste out of my mouth, I took a sip, smacked my lips together, and declared (sounding like Patrick Star), “I detect light tannins upfront” sip, smack smack smack “It’s very smooth on the mid palate” sip, smack smack smack “and a tang just hit the back of my throat”, at which point Brian choked on his lemon water. Now who wasn’t being professional?

I would definitely recommend this wine, it’s subtle, fruity yet warm, and smooth…just like me (except my legs…my legs are rarely smooth).

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Cheapo Wino Wednesday! Berry nice to meet you!

I’m sorry, I failed you by not posting my Cheapo Wino review sooner. I know you sit around all week, waiting for my inexpensive alcohol recommendations that you’ve come to almost count on. You’re pissed, I get it. It won’t happen again*.

*That’s such a lie, it totally will.

 

Anywhoo- I went to the liquor store on Tuesday and asked the guy behind the counter “So, what do a lot of people buy?” (Yeah, that’s pretty much my research- it drives Brian crazy). Then I added, “Oh, and it has to be under $15. Oh, and it has to be red. Oh, and um, I’d prefer it not be Cabernet, I need something different.” and I went on “You see, I’m compiling a database of cheap wines under $15. But I’m on this low carb diet so I’m avoiding all whites right now.”

 

I hate to sound paranoid, but I could have sworn I saw him roll his eyes at me. But who knows, I was too distracted by all the clicking sounds and “gun to the head” gestures he was making, to know for sure.

 

After thinking it over for all of 2 seconds, he shoved a Pinot Noir in my face…and thankfully not up my ass.

Hahn Estates California Pinot Noir 2011 – $13.99

Winemaker’s Notes: The Hahn Winery 2011 Pinot Noir comes out of the gate with aromas of fresh mixed berries and dark cherries leading to hints of lavender, violets and a touch of cassis. This is an exceptionally balanced wine with good acidity whose flavors are given structure by a light touch of caramelized oak.

 

Kim’s Notes: “I’m pretty sure it was good.”

See, I remember liking it but I didn’t take extensive notes…I was too busy talking. Go figure.

The next day I looked at my pathetic notepad and saw this:

 

Fruity- Berry nice to meet you! Orange you glad you bought me?

Smooth- like my legs after waxing

Balanced- unlike my hormone levels

Touch of smoke- Virginia Slims not Pall Malls

 

What the hell am I suppose to do with that? Right? Anyway, I’m going to go ahead and give this a thumbs up. How’s that for a ringing endorsement?

 

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Cheapo Wino Review Wednesday! It’ll hit you like a Sledgehammer!

Today’s wine selection is brought to you by Ana. That’s right, I let my 4 year old daughter peruse the wine bottles and choose one for me based on gut feeling and, most likely, label appeal. It’s my assumption that she carries the wine choosing gene in her DNA, and I wanted to test that theory.

I set her down in the American wines section and watched her bypass all the fancy labels with names like “St. Michelle” and “Bon Terra”. She didn’t stop until she reached “SLEDGEHAMMER”. Am I surprised that my tough little girl picked something named SLEDGEHAMMER? Kinda, but only because she can’t read.

As we were paying, the cashier reached down and offered Ana a lollipop. She quickly snatched it out of his hand, and I, just as quickly, snatched it out of hers. I shoved it in my jacket, patted my pocket and said, “She only gets this if I like the wine she picked”. A reminder to her that wine is serious business.

Sledgehammer Zinfandel, North Coast California, 2010 – $9.99 (sale)

 

Sledgehammer’s website: This is not the elegant, delicate sipping wine that you’d find at your grandma’s bridge club. To the contrary, Sledgehammer Zinfandel is big, bold, and spicy. It pairs well with grilled meat and loud music.

Review by WineDiva: It has an abundance of raspberry and sweet baking spices, chocolate and espresso aromas lead to a secondary layer of fruit – blueberry and black cherry with vanilla. The palate reflects the nose – it supplies generous fruit, has a supple texture and fine cocoa tannins lingering on the finish.
Typical seductive Zinfandel characters…
You can never go wrong with a bottle of Zin at a barbecue. The potent sweet, ripe fruit and inherent spiciness is perfect with burgers, spicy sausage, chilidogs or sweet and tangy ribs.

Kim’s Notes: So here’s my problem…did you notice that the above notes stress the importance of eating meat with this wine? Well, 1) I prefer to drink my wine on an empty stomach, while laying in bed. It’s how I get the most bang for my buck AND 2) I don’t eat red meat.

My first impression, it had a nice medium body and there was some oak to it, but it was a little too tangy for my liking. But I kept thinking about the winemaker’s emphasis on grilled meats. Determined to give it a fair shake, I went to the refrigerator and grabbed a bag of Turkey Pepperoni. The rest of my tasting went like this: chew pepperoni, sip, chew pepperoni, sip, chew pepperoni, sip… This went on until both the bag and my glass were empty.

You guys, it was sooo much better! In fact, I couldn’t taste the tang at all…it actually had a sweetness about it. I guess there’s something to those “wine-pairing meals” after all. Who knew?

My overall impression: If you’re serving something spicy, BBQy, meaty, etc., then this is the wine for you. But if you’re just looking for something to compliment a light depression or a heap of mounting stress then you might want to try something more like this.

oh, I gave Ana the lollipop.

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Cheapo Wino Review Wednesday!

Ahh, it feels so good to be back on the “Shh, everyone leave momma alone, she’s relaxing in bed with her glass of wine” train.

Today’s wine review is brought to you by the letter “B”. C’mon, you knew it was only a matter of time before I reviewed a wine called Fat Bastard. Honestly, aren’t you surprised it took this long?

Fat bastard Pinot Noir – $11.99

 

Wine Makers’s Tasting Notes: “Lively and elegant with ripe red fruits and a hint of floral notes. Soft, smooth tannins and rich flavors of strawberries and raspberries, finishing with cherry notes.”

 

Kim’s Tasting Notes: “Yooouuuu lying bastards!”

Smooth? This wine was so tangy (is that even a wine term?) that my salivary glands went into overdrive. The back of the bottle said it had a lot of “body”…yeah, because every sip is thickened by your own disgusting spit! So I guess, technically, there’s some truth in their advertising.

But I will say that this wine’s color was absolutely beautiful! It was a deep cherry red, like highest quality blood plasma available on the market today…if there is a market for blood plasma- I’m not sure, I’m not a doctor.

To sum it up, I really didn’t like it. But after repeated attempts and a self-motivational talk, I did manage to finish my glass. Though, I’m not sure how helpful that knowledge is, we both know I’d finish my glass even if it was filtered through my sports bra first…wasting wine is never an option.

So, if you like tangy, drinking your own saliva, and the color of fresh blood, definitely buy Fat Bastard Pinot Noir today! (I’m an awesome spokesperson, and available for your marketing projects)

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