Before we begin, you do realize that this list is full of questionable gift ideas, right? Most of you would be disappointed if it wasn’t, but I’m sure there are a few unfortunate souls who have wandered over here from Facebook expecting to see hand knit scarves, organic body lotion, or some shit like that. To those people I say “Welcome!” and “Let’s break you in with an adorable set of Tampon Flasks.”
1. Tampon Flasks – Amazon.com – $9.99
Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow…
How cool is that! This is right up my alley…just don’t put it right up your alley, if you know what I mean. *creepy wink*
2. 33 Ounce Margarita Glass – Baronbob.com – $16.95
This gift says “Friend, you deserve to get drunk without ever getting off your lazy ass for a refill.”
3. Bathroom Guest Book – knockknockstuff.com – $15.00
Do you know a “Hostess with the Mostess”? If so, this is the perfect gift!
Remember, nothing says “Urine-portant to me” like a bathroom guest book!
4. Beaver Baby – OneClassyMotha.com – $19.99
For the friend with young children, help her out of an awkward situation by giving her a Beaver Baby!
And it’s customizable! You’ll just need to know your bff’s pubic hair color…or take an educated guess.
Place your order before Dec 24th and receive a FREE SANTA HAT for your Beaver Baby!
Now that’s a stocking stuffer!
*This also makes a great gift for your office Pollyanna.
5. Pregnant Woman Keychain – Baronbob.com – $4.99
Speaking of “The Miracle of Life”, how about this keychain for all of your knocked up girlfriends!
And the best part…the uterus actually pops out, giving birth to a little bundle of ‘Made in China’ plastic!
6. Wine Glass Plate Clips – vat19.com – $7.50 (set of 6)
I like to keep one in my purse, one in my glove box, and one in my fancy coat pocket. You never know when you’re going to stumble across a par-tay!
You’re welcome.
7. Lazy Readers – funslurp.com – $14.95
Why put all that effort into sitting up? In fact, don’t even use your arms- I say suspend the book from the ceiling with industrial strength cables…or buy an audio book.
8. Pat the Zombie – Barnesandnoble.com – $8.93 (on sale)
Have a friend who’s on her 4th kid and absolutely SICK of reading children’s books? Well, here’s a refreshing option!
Jane can gut the zombie. Now you gut the zombie…
I realize these gifts aren’t for everyone, but that’s too damn bad, it’s what my friends are getting for Christmas. Besides, I’m secretly hoping they’ll re-gift them back to me next year.
If you have a fabulously freaky gift suggestion, PLEASE share it in the comments below. After all, ’tis the season to not be a selfish bitch. The rest of the year is fine.
P.S. If you’re looking for a classier gift, you might want to check out my sponsor GiftsForYou.com. They have a bazillion personalized gifts, like this awesome wine glass:
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