Learning to run? I got your kick ass tips right here!
I know what you’re thinking, “Candy Ass, I didn’t know you were a runner.” Well, I am…aaaand I’m sorta not. For those of you keeping score at home, I’m currently on my third attempt to become a runner.
But before you hit your back button with an “I’m outta here, you obviously don’t know what you’re talking about” attitude, let me ask you this: who do you think has more experience as a beginner, someone who’s quit and restarted several times or someone who tried it once and stuck with it? (hint: several is more than once)
Now for my tips:
There’s an App for That
I highly recommend downloading some sort of Couch to 5k app to help guide and track your progress. There are a ton of great ones out there, so selecting one is usually based on personal preference.
I’m currently using an app called Get Running. I like it for its straight forward title and the nice Australian lady who says nicey nice things like “Feel free to slow down”, “You’re almost done” & “Great job!” (even though I’ve almost always slowed down). I find Australian App people to be laid back and accepting. I hope to visit Appstralia one day.
Shake Your Booty
Create a great playlist, just make sure you choose songs that match your pace. For example, my playlist has a lot of Sarah McLachlan, Eric Clapton, Celine Dione, and Gerry & The Pacemakers – it’s basically a funeral procession mash-up.
Fake it Until You Make It
Buy several awesome running outfits, a sweatband, water hydration thingy,and $200 running shoes. You know what they say, “Dress like a profession, act like a professional.” I’m pretty sure my yoga pants with the holes in the crotch were holding me back all these years.
Find a Running Buddy
Running buddies, when used properly, can be a terrific source of motivation.
How to use your running buddy:
Step 1: Simply turn your running buddy around and instruct her to “Hold still, Lois, and stop your bitching!”
Step 2: Secure a bag of Oreos to her back using heavy duty duct tape.
Step 3: Give her a 20 second head start before running after her like a crazy bitch who wants “…MY GOD DAMN OREOS, LOIS!”
However, if steps 1-3 are a flop because your running buddy sucks and requires a little motivation of her own, simply attach this sign to her back:
Look at Lois go! In fact, the rowdier your kids are, the faster you’ll both move. Now that’s what I call a win-lose situation!
Now get out there and run your little heart out…and bring me back a pumpkin latte.
By the way, do you have any tips for me? Lord knows this delinquent runner could use them!
Psst…My real playlist, if you’re interested, is:
Cups, Viva la Vida, Titanium, Thrift Shop, Roar, Gone Gone Gone, Royals, Radioactive, Good Life, My Songs Knows What You Did, It’s Time, Set Fire to the Rain, Trouble. See, I wasn’t exaggerating about the slow pace.
My sponsor GiftsForYouNow.com has like a BAZILLION gifts that you can personalize for Christmas (or any occasion). I bet they have a tree skirt for my wine glass.
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