Yesterday, I received requests from several of you asking for a tutorial on my twice-a-year slutty eye shadow application (Anniversary & Valentine’s).
Luckily, I happen to have one readily available.
Back in 1991, I spent a month as an independent sales rep for Mary Cay Cosmetics (not to be confused with Mary Kay Cosmetics).
Mary Cay Cosmetics was started by a Miss Ida Dunsworth, a disgruntled Mary Kay rep, who hated the color pink. She mixed the cosmetics in her cellar using nothing but household products like cornstarch, food coloring, and Vaseline, and wrote “Top Secrit formula” and “Prowdly Made in Kentucky” on the containers in red sharpie. Spelling was not her forte, beauty was.
As a start up company, the funds weren’t there for prizes like pink Cadillacs, but almost everyone qualified for a pair of purple roller skates. Miss Ida said they made it quicker for us to go door to door.
Miss Ida also required each rep to create her own marketing brochure by printing before and after pictures of his or her own clients. Not having access to a car, only roller skates, I had to find volunteers in the nearby area.
I was able to convince one of my neighbors to let me “do her” (after clarifying what that meant) and I did an amazing job of transforming her through the power of cheaply made cosmetics! I must of spent hours and tens of dollars on photographs and printing. I even went above and beyond by creating several step by step tutorials.
Sadly, after my neighbor realized the brochures were going to be widely distributed, she confided in me that she was in the witness protection program and begged me to protect her identity. Out of time, money, and makeup, a compromise was struck.
My Mary Cay “Smokey Eyes” tutorial, enjoy!
Get sexy, smokey eyes in five easy steps!
Step 1: Apply concealer over your eyelid to create a smooth base.
Step 2: Use a dark pencil liner and trace your upper and lower lashline, then smudge with a clean q-tip.
Step 3: Sweep a dark color over the entire lid and into the crease. We recommend Mary Cay’s Raw Sewage.
Step 4: Highlight the browbone with a lighter, neutral shade, like Mary Cay’s Dandruff Dreams.
Step 5: Finish with 2 coats of mascara in Burnt Pot Roast.
Hey there, slutty!
Needless to say, my sales suffered, I didn’t make a dime, and Miss Ida asked for the roller skates back. I just wasted your time, didn’t I?
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