Tips for Tuesday! Sugar Free/ Low Crap Chocolate Cake

As you may (or may not) know, I’m currently on a low carb/low sugar diet for as long as I can stand it.  For today’s tip, I planned on giving you a recipe for a low carb chocolate cake.  So let’s do that…

Low Carb/ Low Sugar 1 Minute Chocolate Cake

Ingredients

1 egg

2 T Cocoa powder

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

1 T softened butter

1 T cream

1 tsp baking powder

5 packets splenda / stevia to taste

Directions

Mix it all in a coffee mug that’s been sprayed with Pam.  Microwave for 1 minute, see that it has the consistency of diarrhea, then microwave for another minute.  It is now a “2 minute” cake.

Mine looked like this:

I was prepared to say, “it tastes like ass”, but it didn’t.  Ass tastes better.  So I came up with a Plan B usage.

Plan B

1. Take a spoonful of the cake and form it into a turd.  (oh yeah, you know where I’m going with this.)

2. Clean your filthy floor

3. Lay the turd on the floor and call one of your children down. (and forget to take pic of the turd on the floor…it looked awesome, guys!)

*Now let me stop here to say that I was surprised that Brian was totally on board with this.  In fact, he’s the one that called Collin downstairs.  Collin figured it out immediately, so we moved on to Ana.

4.  Ask your child why there’s poop in the floor and if it’s hers or the dog’s.  Odds are, she’ll look disgusted and shrug.  Then you say, “Well, there’s only one way to find out.”  then you pick it up and EAT it!  Make sure to really savor the poop, concentrating on all the flavors, like you’re trying to figure out who it belongs to.  Watch the turmoil on your child’s face and enjoy.

*Ok, so here’s where Brian got upset.  You see, he thought I was going to gross the kids out just by picking the poop up, not by eating it.  How long has he known me?

Now he’s concerned that Ana’s going to go around doggie parks sampling crap like an all-you-can-eat buffet.  Umm, she’s not an idiot, she got the joke.

Oh god, I hope she got it.

Does that smile say “Haha, funny joke” or “Poop tastes like chocolate? Yay!”?

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