Dear Kim,
About a week ago, I met this wonderful man on a business trip. Unfortunately he doesn’t speak much English. But even though we can’t fully communicate, I sense a connection when I look into his eyes, like I can read his mind. Do you think this relationship is worth pursuing?
Thanks,
Lisa in the Language Barrier Reef
Dear Lisa,
Aww, that’s sooo romantic! But it sounds like you do speak the same language, the universal language of Love…and, like Latin, it’s going to die.
Lisa, let me tell you a little story…
Years ago, I was at a bar minding my own business (my business happened to be eavesdropping), when this handsome gentleman came up to me and said “Hola” or “ciao” or “火本身”- whatever, I just knew it wasn’t English. I started to say “I don’t speak blah blah” but then I noticed he was HOT! Like who-gives-a-rat’s-ass-what’s-coming-out-of-his-mouth HOT!
So I nodded and simply repeated his greeting back to him. Later, I found out that our conversation went like this:
Him: Excuse me. Your dress is tucked inside your pantyhose.
Me: *blushes* Excuse me. Your dress is tucked inside your pantyhose. *big smile, head tilt*
From that moment on we were inseparable. I showed him my little corner of the United States, including every Starbuck’s within a 10 mile radius and the world’s biggest ball of yarn. In return, he told me stories of his beautiful homeland (I’m guessing that’s what all the blah blah was about).
Through our whole courtship, he was such a gentleman, never once touching me inappropriately despite all my attempts. In fact, we never even kissed! But we did spend lots of time just talking with our eyes. I assumed he was an optometrist.
“WTF are you talking about?”
“I have something in my eye.”
“Are we ever getting to first base?”
We were only together a week when, to my surprise, he pulled out an engagement ring! Wow!
Thoughts went through my head like: When will we get married? Where will we live? What’s his name? How do I ask him these questions?
But I thought “love will find a way!” and I said “YES!”. The first person he told was his girlfriend, Alijandra. Luckily, she spoke English.
Lisa, he was marrying me for a green card! But I couldn’t get mad at him, he probably told me this while I stood there watching his pecs flex (he was often shirtless).
Once it was established by his girlfriend that “no, you won’t be consummating the marriage”, I broke the engagement off and sent him back to blah blah land.
So what I’m saying is this, without speaking the same language, you’ll never really know what that son of a bitch is thinking. You might end up living with him and his foreign girlfriend (who will sit around all all day smoking cigarettes and making you feel like a fat sack of shit compared to her hot Brazilian body). If you’re ok with that possibility then I say GO FOR IT!
该市话,
Kim
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