Good Morning by Mr. Bojangles
I like to start my morning
with a long awaited crap,
then roll around in deer poo
til it’s smeared down my back.
I wriggle in that stank shit
until I hear my momma yell
“God dammit Mr. B,
you’re going to doggy hell!”
She pushes me in the shower
’cause I’m way too fat to lift
my furry ass gets lathered
as I raise my leg to piss.
After my hair is styled
we head down to the kitchen
She’s getting on my nerves
jeez lady, quit your bitching!
The kid has got a pop tart
and it’s sitting in a bowl
I take it when she looks away
ha ha ha ha, asshole!
Everyone is screaming
while I’m scarfing on my treat
I look at them like, WTF?!
Can’t you see I’m trying to eat?
My momma gives her another one
so I steal that pop tart too
Man, this kid’s an easy mark
she hasn’t got a clue!
I’m escorted behind the baby gate
and on this side it’s quite boring
I know…I’ll bark incessantly
’cause it’s how I start my morning.
Ode to the Bone by Mr. Bojangles
Oh bone, rawhide bone
your marrow has me weak
for in your cartilage
my tongue does nest
and taste buds make me weep.
Some would urge
to have you buried
but in my mouth you’ll stay
and I will bite the god damn hand
that tries to take you away.
Oh bone, rawhide bone
my love for you is rich
shit, here comes the kid
that screws with me
“Grrrrrrrrrr
back off it bitch!”
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