Don’t Feed the Animals Like A Perv

As seen at the State Fair.

Quite frankly, I think the sign is counter-productive because I never considered feeding a giraffe with my mouth until after I read it. Then it was all I could think about. It’s like telling someone, “Whatever you do, don’t, and I mean don’t, put your tongue in that electrical socket.”  It makes you automatically say to yourself, ‘hmm…I wonder if my tongue would even fit in that socket? Only one way to find out’.

But when I sat back and thought about it, there must have been a boatload of people feeding the animals with their mouths before they made the sign, or why even make it?Besides, if it were a rare occurrence, a cheap cardboard sign written in sharpie would suffice- don’t you think? No, they spent good money on a professionally made metal sign.

Oddly though, this sage advice was only posted in front of the giraffe cage.  I wondered what was so seductive about the giraffe that he was the only animal needing protection from the weirdos.  So I sat and watched him with new eyes. Have you ever seen a giraffe take food from your hand?  Its tongue comes out of its mouth by like 8 inches, slowly wraps around the leaf, and gingerly takes the food out of your hand and into it’s dainty mouth.  If I had to guess (and I’m not suggesting I thought about doing this)  I would say these pervs were thinking something like “I could totally get a picture of me french kissing this awesome giraffe and email it to my friends. They would crap their pants!”  Sadly, they probably regretted this later when suggestions of beastiality came up during employment background checks.

Now if the State Fair’s use of this sign was to protect the people from injury, I would say that it was wasted on the giraffe. After spending considerable time with him, I can tell he would make a gentle and careful lover. Shoot, you could probably get to second base with him if you had longer arms.  No, what they would really need to do is move this sign to the damn ostrich cage, that son of a bitch will peck your eyes out before you even have a chance to pucker up.